Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match!

A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

How To Treat a (Young) Widow

Apr 7th 2014 new
Today I went to a funeral Mass for the husband of a dear, sweet friend who was my companion during my RCIA journey when my sponsor was traveling on business most of the time. Her husband of 63 yrs passed away last Tuesday. It was the first funeral I have attended since my late husband died in July 2012. Needless to say that in addition to being sad for Charlene's loss, and for the loss of Ted in the lives of me and so many others, there were emotions wrapped up about being at a funeral. I thought about some of the things that people might say to Charlene over the coming days, weeks, and months, and the things that were said to me. All were well intentioned, and none were really all that helpful. Some just made me down right mad.

Last August, I came across this post by another young widow, fellow Catholic, Tammy Ruiz. Her post reverberated in my heart and mind for days. She and I struck up a correspondence, and we now follow each others' blogs. I thought I would link to her post here, posted on the website Catholic Stand. I am sure that her words will echo the thoughts of many of us on this forum.

catholicstand.com
Apr 8th 2014 new
Thank you for this insight
Apr 8th 2014 new

Thanks for sharing this; I have two comments.

1. It should be posted in one of the other forums where non-widowed folks will see. (How I hate being "segregated" here!)

2. I was a "young widow" (42). But I see nothing in the article that does not apply to older people, too.

Again, thanks.

Apr 8th 2014 new
I think it is safe to say that whenever we hear of anyone being widowed, our hearts go out to them in a very poignant way because we know the journey they are facing. "the pain that lurks in every drawer..."

There is good advice here, but I think the comments that hurt the most come from people that have no clue what it is like. What did you think about her statement that the ones who remarry the fastest have the best marriages? It certainly sounds easier than it is in all reality.
Apr 8th 2014 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said:

Thanks for sharing this; I have two comments.

1. It should be posted in one of the other forums where non-widowed folks will see. (How I hate being "segregated" here!)

2. I was a "young widow" (42). But I see nothing in the article that does not apply to older people, too.

Again, thanks.

You are right Marge, it can apply to all ages. I think Tammy used the word "young" because she was young. I will post it in St. Peter's Square since I am not 100% sure that it applies to the dating topic.
Apr 8th 2014 new
(quote) Kathy-635104 said: I think it is safe to say that whenever we hear of anyone being widowed, our hearts go out to them in a very poignant way because we know the journey they are facing. "the pain that lurks in every drawer..."

There is good advice here, but I think the comments that hurt the most come from people that have no clue what it is like. What did you think about her statement that the ones who remarry the fastest have the best marriages? It certainly sounds easier than it is in all reality.
Kathy,
I don't know how I feel about her statement about those that remarry right away. I am not sure I agree with that statement completely. I see where she's coming from, but all of the advice I have read is to the contrary - don't jump in too soon. I have heard people talk about men who remarry too quickly before really processing the loss of their wife. Then again, I think most people (wrongly) assume it's because they don't know how to take care of themselves at home and so they jump in to another marriage. I think it has more to do with loneliness and sense of purpose.
Apr 8th 2014 new
HI Kathy,

Right after Pete was killed, my friend Simone brought that very topic up, she had read a report on a study that concluded people who had good marriages often remarried earlier often before the year was out. At first it horrified me to think I might. My own mother had told me I was young I would remarry -- the very night Pete died...unbelievable. Then as we approach the two year mark and I have very few prospects, I am sometimes filled with baseless worries that 1.) our marriage must not have been good -- which I know is hog wash, or 2.) there is really something wrong with me, and only my poor delude Pete could ever love me -- which I also know is hogwash.

With all the people who think I will remarry, I suppose I should take some hope in that lol. . . the little lady at church that insists each week I smell so good, I should have a line of fellas following me around, sure seems to think I will and that I'll have my pick LOL.
Apr 8th 2014 new
And, this article made me cry.
Apr 8th 2014 new
(quote) Lauren-927923 said: HI Kathy,

Right after Pete was killed, my friend Simone brought that very topic up, she had read a report on a study that concluded people who had good marriages often remarried earlier often before the year was out. At first it horrified me to think I might. My own mother had told me I was young I would remarry -- the very night Pete died...unbelievable. Then as we approach the two year mark and I have very few prospects, I am sometimes filled with baseless worries that 1.) our marriage must not have been good -- which I know is hog wash, or 2.) there is really something wrong with me, and only my poor delude Pete could ever love me -- which I also know is hogwash.

With all the people who think I will remarry, I suppose I should take some hope in that lol. . . the little lady at church that insists each week I smell so good, I should have a line of fellas following me around, sure seems to think I will and that I'll have my pick LOL.
LOL, you're probably the most eligible bachelorette among us, Lauren!

For weird remarks, listen to this: My friend was cutting my hair a few days before my husband passed away, but we knew he was going to die and he was in hospice care. She said, "You're young and cute, you'll get remarried." Both those assertions were arguable, lol. I never took offense because she has some mental issues.

My husband's mother and step-father remarried 6 months at the most after his first wife died. Her first husband has passed away 5 years previously. I never really understood how he could have gotten engaged so quickly after the loss of his wife, but I can't judge I guess. It wouldn't have worked for me.
Apr 8th 2014 new
I know I was not able to consider it at one year. Both my grandma's were widowed young and neither remarried. One said marriage was too much work (her husband was very abusive.) The other because she had already been married to her one and only love. I can relate to both of them and because of it want another chance at a forever love.

Lauren, from what I've read about you and Pete, your's was an incredible marriage and if old ladies are following you around telling you that you smell good, they'll be making sure the men know it, too! For some of us, it just takes a bit longer.
Posts 1 - 10 of 51