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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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I have been on this site for a long while...and have met a couple or three ladies here over the past year or two. Things just haven't worked out.

Rotating shift work (work schedule changes DAILY) prevents me from regular and frequent engagement with singles/Young Adults groups at local churches. I have met PLENTY of Protestant girls, and have even been seeing one for about a year now. She is well aware I like her, but want to marry a Catholic; she herself desires another Protestant and won't attend mass with me (and certainly will never bring her 2 year old daughter to a Catholic mass or other event.)

As I continue to fail miserably to link up with Catholic women in my area, I am beginning to think perhaps that God has placed this Protestant girl into my life for a reason and that I should simply give up on ever meeting a Catholic woman. I am serious in my desire to pick up and build a family now in my early 40s after divorce, subsequent conversion to Catholicism, and then granting of my annulment. Evidently I'm not good enough for local Catholic women of childbearing age in Tampa. :-( Maybe it is time to simply give in and fully pursue my Protestant friend.

We certainly can talk ourselves out of pursuing what COULD HAVE BEEN wonderful marriage partners.

Curious to know other people's experiences as I contemplate simply giving up on meeting a woman who shares my faith, and instead pursue a Christian woman who will never convert and who won't understand faith the way we (Catholics) understand it, but who can be a decent wife and mother, otherwise.

Our children would not be raised Catholic...which is a particularly tough pill for this fellow who wants to be a great Catholic dad who introduces his children to our faith and helps them to grow in it.

Friends are trying to convince me that my friend is acceptable since she is a Christian, even if she is not Catholic. Admittedly, there are worse things than to marry a fundamentalist Southern Baptist (!)

Just heartbroken and not knowing how to proceed with this relationship that has endured for about a year as I hold back, unable so far to fully engage with a woman who doesn't share my religion and believes I'm a nut because of my belief in Catholicism.

I'm not getting any younger, and have seen many on this site who have simply been too stringent in their criteria and who are now older and still single--well beyond childbearing age. Not wanting to let the rest of my best years pass by making the same mistake.


Michael
Apr 15th 2014 new
Hello,

I'd say never:

1) I've been on two other sites besides this one and can pretty well tell you Catholic and non Catholic women are much the same socially. Much as it would be nice we really cannot expect all of them to like us. Just keep going; if about 5000 a month from around the world are joining these sites, one is bound to meet one sooner or later..Also keep i mind that in life as my late wife's mother used to say, friends, and this includes girl or boyfriends are much like the feathers on a chicken's back. Some dry up, fall and blow away whilst others fresh and new always come in to replace them.

2) All of us guys get these days of frustration but we should never continually whine or complain about it here lest we look like simpering wimps or cry babies. Instead try and contact people here that are lonely and not getting connected. They usually turn out to be just great and you'll have a ball with them.

3) Finally there was a great English movie back in 68 called, "Here We Go Round The Mulberry bush about a young teen guy coming of age, His whole philosophy turned out to be, " The girls you fancy don't fancy you and yet the ones that fancy you, you don't fancy! " Nothing new,

Cheers,

Michael Kelly
Apr 15th 2014 new
NEVER GIVE UP.
Apr 15th 2014 new
(quote) Michael-780154 said: I have been on this site for a long while...and have met a couple or three ladies here over the past year or two. Things just haven't worked out.

Rotating shift work (work schedule changes DAILY) prevents me from regular and frequent engagement with singles/Young Adults groups at local churches. I have met PLENTY of Protestant girls, and have even been seeing one for about a year now. She is well aware I like her, but want to marry a Catholic; she herself desires another Protestant and won't attend mass with me (and certainly will never bring her 2 year old daughter to a Catholic mass or other event.)

As I continue to fail miserably to link up with Catholic women in my area, I am beginning to think perhaps that God has placed this Protestant girl into my life for a reason and that I should simply give up on ever meeting a Catholic woman. I am serious in my desire to pick up and build a family now in my early 40s after divorce, subsequent conversion to Catholicism, and then granting of my annulment. Evidently I'm not good enough for local Catholic women of childbearing age in Tampa. :-( Maybe it is time to simply give in and fully pursue my Protestant friend.

We certainly can talk ourselves out of pursuing what COULD HAVE BEEN wonderful marriage partners.

Curious to know other people's experiences as I contemplate simply giving up on meeting a woman who shares my faith, and instead pursue a Christian woman who will never convert and who won't understand faith the way we (Catholics) understand it, but who can be a decent wife and mother, otherwise.

Our children would not be raised Catholic...which is a particularly tough pill for this fellow who wants to be a great Catholic dad who introduces his children to our faith and helps them to grow in it.

Friends are trying to convince me that my friend is acceptable since she is a Christian, even if she is not Catholic. Admittedly, there are worse things than to marry a fundamentalist Southern Baptist (!)

Just heartbroken and not knowing how to proceed with this relationship that has endured for about a year as I hold back, unable so far to fully engage with a woman who doesn't share my religion and believes I'm a nut because of my belief in Catholicism.

I'm not getting any younger, and have seen many on this site who have simply been too stringent in their criteria and who are now older and still single--well beyond childbearing age. Not wanting to let the rest of my best years pass by making the same mistake.


Michael
Michael,
Don't give up on marrying a Catholic woman. Do you really want to leave The Church? Do you want to be separated from your spouse in faith if you marry a Protestant but stay in The Church? You want a family, I understand that, I totally get it. So you have two choices: you can keep pursuing any and all avenues and find your spouse and maybe have a family,(have you found the Catholic equivalent of a Jewish matchmaker? Asked all your friends and co-workers to keep their eyes open for a suitable date? Tried all the Catholic dating websites?) or you can give up and not have a spouse or a family. One more question, have you thought that maybe you are being asked by God to be a father to a woman's child(ren) from a previous relationship? The reality of today is that many, many women (and some men) are experiencing struggles with infertility. People who thought it would be no problem to conceive "their own" children are finding it difficult if not impossible. Just because you get married does not guarantee children. However, there are many, many children growing up without a strong father figure in their lives. You could be that man. I'm not saying you should look for an older woman with kids, but what I am saying is by focusing on "child-bearing" you might be discouraging a potential mate who already knows that for medical reasons, conceiving a child might be an impossibility.

I really hope you stay in The Church! As a convert myself, who gave up many friendships and a close relationship with my family to be obedient to God's calling me into the Catholic Church, it pains me to hear of anyone thinking about walking away for the sake of a relationship. It just doesn't seem that God works that way. God bless you!
Apr 15th 2014 new
Michael, do you love her?
In what way and how deeply?
these are the questions to be asking yourself, therein lies your answer,
:)
Apr 15th 2014 new
And how would the answers to those questions then line up within how God called you in your conversion to this faith? There must be some correlation for a truth to be found
Apr 15th 2014 new
(quote) Michael-780154 said: I have been on this site for a long while...and have met a couple or three ladies here over the past year or two. Things just haven't worked out.

Rotating shift work (work schedule changes DAILY) prevents me from regular and frequent engagement with singles/Young Adults groups at local churches. I have met PLENTY of Protestant girls, and have even been seeing one for about a year now. She is well aware I like her, but want to marry a Catholic; she herself desires another Protestant and won't attend mass with me (and certainly will never bring her 2 year old daughter to a Catholic mass or other event.)

As I continue to fail miserably to link up with Catholic women in my area, I am beginning to think perhaps that God has placed this Protestant girl into my life for a reason and that I should simply give up on ever meeting a Catholic woman. I am serious in my desire to pick up and build a family now in my early 40s after divorce, subsequent conversion to Catholicism, and then granting of my annulment. Evidently I'm not good enough for local Catholic women of childbearing age in Tampa. :-( Maybe it is time to simply give in and fully pursue my Protestant friend.

We certainly can talk ourselves out of pursuing what COULD HAVE BEEN wonderful marriage partners.

Curious to know other people's experiences as I contemplate simply giving up on meeting a woman who shares my faith, and instead pursue a Christian woman who will never convert and who won't understand faith the way we (Catholics) understand it, but who can be a decent wife and mother, otherwise.

Our children would not be raised Catholic...which is a particularly tough pill for this fellow who wants to be a great Catholic dad who introduces his children to our faith and helps them to grow in it.

Friends are trying to convince me that my friend is acceptable since she is a Christian, even if she is not Catholic. Admittedly, there are worse things than to marry a fundamentalist Southern Baptist (!)

Just heartbroken and not knowing how to proceed with this relationship that has endured for about a year as I hold back, unable so far to fully engage with a woman who doesn't share my religion and believes I'm a nut because of my belief in Catholicism.

I'm not getting any younger, and have seen many on this site who have simply been too stringent in their criteria and who are now older and still single--well beyond childbearing age. Not wanting to let the rest of my best years pass by making the same mistake.


Michael
Hi, Michael. Three things immediately stand out to me: 1. Your work schedule sounds like something that could be tough. 2. You've been seeing someone for a year, so you are not truly available. 3. You mention possibly pursuing this Protestant woman for real, when she's made it clear that she wants a Protestant husband. I say, let her go. Let your ACTIONS show that you are serious about wanting a Catholic wife. And do a novena to St Ann, grandmother of Jesus.
Apr 15th 2014 new
Excellent advice from Katie
Apr 15th 2014 new
There have been some insightful and thoughtful things said to your original post, Michael. Katie made some great points. Take heart and believe that there is a Catholic woman out there for you. Make yourself fully open and available to the possibility. Your faith is truly important to you. I know the temptation to give up is there ... but take heart, please don't despair and don't settle! You will be miserable in the end.
Apr 15th 2014 new
(quote) Michael-780154 said: I have been on this site for a long while...and have met a couple or three ladies here over the past year or two. Things just haven't worked out.

Rotating shift work (work schedule changes DAILY) prevents me from regular and frequent engagement with singles/Young Adults groups at local churches. I have met PLENTY of Protestant girls, and have even been seeing one for about a year now. She is well aware I like her, but want to marry a Catholic; she herself desires another Protestant and won't attend mass with me (and certainly will never bring her 2 year old daughter to a Catholic mass or other event.)

As I continue to fail miserably to link up with Catholic women in my area, I am beginning to think perhaps that God has placed this Protestant girl into my life for a reason and that I should simply give up on ever meeting a Catholic woman. I am serious in my desire to pick up and build a family now in my early 40s after divorce, subsequent conversion to Catholicism, and then granting of my annulment. Evidently I'm not good enough for local Catholic women of childbearing age in Tampa. :-( Maybe it is time to simply give in and fully pursue my Protestant friend.

We certainly can talk ourselves out of pursuing what COULD HAVE BEEN wonderful marriage partners.

Curious to know other people's experiences as I contemplate simply giving up on meeting a woman who shares my faith, and instead pursue a Christian woman who will never convert and who won't understand faith the way we (Catholics) understand it, but who can be a decent wife and mother, otherwise.

Our children would not be raised Catholic...which is a particularly tough pill for this fellow who wants to be a great Catholic dad who introduces his children to our faith and helps them to grow in it.

Friends are trying to convince me that my friend is acceptable since she is a Christian, even if she is not Catholic. Admittedly, there are worse things than to marry a fundamentalist Southern Baptist (!)

Just heartbroken and not knowing how to proceed with this relationship that has endured for about a year as I hold back, unable so far to fully engage with a woman who doesn't share my religion and believes I'm a nut because of my belief in Catholicism.

I'm not getting any younger, and have seen many on this site who have simply been too stringent in their criteria and who are now older and still single--well beyond childbearing age. Not wanting to let the rest of my best years pass by making the same mistake.


Michael
Michael,

One of the conditions for having a marriage to a non-Catholic be allowed by the Church is that any children you have must be brought up Catholic; a priest will not marry you otherwise.

In the situation you are describing, you cannot get married in a Catholic church. For no other reason than this, I would suggest that you either broaden your search parameters or you give up the idea of marriage. I can''t imagine someone would leave the Church simply because he or she placed a greater priority on a family than on being Catholic.



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