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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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While growing up in Africa, i was really used people with a particular culture; but i have always thought it would be a blessing to date or even marry a gal with a different culture, provided that person shares my faith, because i reckon there should be a synergy between the two cultures, since, although we are different, we are one body in Christ (Romans 12:5)

I have been living in London (which has become cosmopolitan of late) for some time now, and i have been blessed to meet and interact on a daily basis, with people from different races and with different cultures. However, i am yet to get emotional with a gal with different culture from mine, let alone from different race.

Nonetheless, my closet mate and a flatmate is a single mum from eastern europe. But i find that we tend to disagree on a lot of issues which i think is down to cultural differences or perhaps personality differences, or both. And it makes me wonder, if i can disagree with just a friend, what chances that i will not, with a life partner?

So could it be that cultural difference are more of a barrier to a fruitful relationship than a blessing?

Apr 21st 2014 new

You can have a successful marriage in spite of disagreeing on many things. Your mate is not your twin.

The important things to consider:
1. How important are the issues on which you differ? Moral questions? Values? Or merely table manners, celebrations, or taking your shoes off at the door?
2. How do you each react when the partner disagrees? Anger? Resentment? Hurt? Or "hey, that's interesting, why do you do it that way?".

I do feel bad for people like you (and I know several) who straddle more than one culture. Too many people have neither the courage nor the generosity to try to accommodate the differences of another.

Wishing you all, the best, and welcome to the forums!

Apr 21st 2014 new
Hard one.
I often find that I get along perfectly well with people from any race and culture so long us they are well cultured, are practising their Catholic Faith and generally accommodating of other people's culture (not just mine). I guess its just about getting that ONE person. Having said that,I know that culture plays a MAJOR part in how we perceive things, how we approach matters, our decision making processes and that's a fact. So,how do we use that positively??
Apr 21st 2014 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said:

You can have a successful marriage in spite of disagreeing on many things. Your mate is not your twin.

The important things to consider:
1. How important are the issues on which you differ? Moral questions? Values? Or merely table manners, celebrations, or taking your shoes off at the door?
2. How do you each react when the partner disagrees? Anger? Resentment? Hurt? Or "hey, that's interesting, why do you do it that way?".

I do feel bad for people like you (and I know several) who straddle more than one culture. Too many people have neither the courage nor the generosity to try to accommodate the differences of another.

Wishing you all, the best, and welcome to the forums!

Thanks Marge.

I wouldn't say i am saddled with two cultures, at least not yet, since we ain't in a relationship; we are only flatmates and very close(like best mates). However i don't see myself going into relationship with her since, while i see myself as a staunch catholic, she on the other hand sees herself as a FREE THINKER with no inclination to religion.

It is just that i liked to keep my options open, in fact, i had always thought it would be lovely to saddle two different cultures, but the closest i have come to doing so makes me wonder if it is a good idea.

But i guess you are right, it really down to personality.. How both parties react to disagreements and are willing to accommodate each others culture.

Thanks a lot.

Apr 21st 2014 new
(quote) Elizabeth-270942 said: Hard one.
I often find that I get along perfectly well with people from any race and culture so long us they are well cultured, are practising their Catholic Faith and generally accommodating of other people's culture (not just mine). I guess its just about getting that ONE person. Having said that,I know that culture plays a MAJOR part in how we perceive things, how we approach matters, our decision making processes and that's a fact. So,how do we use that positively??
Hi Liz, i sure do get along with people from different cultures and races, in fact, that is one of my core competences biggrin. However, when you get closer to people or in matter that involves a lifetime commitment, you'd agree with me that you need more than just getting along. Because, the closer you become the more your expectations changes...
Apr 21st 2014 new

Hi Val,

"When in Rome, do as the Romans do!"

1) A great question! I must be brief as I'm hitting the road soon. I married and held a very successful marriage with a Mexican lady. There were huge changes for me from kissing and hugging when meeting people or saying good-bye (only hugged mom once or twice in my life) through to the extended families interfering in your business. However that's the way it was and the key to my success was being flexible, adaptable, patient and open minded.

2) One other critical thing - if she speaks a different language than you, get down to a school, Berlitz or a community college and kick the damn doors of the hinges if you have to get into a language class from her culture.You must be able to communicate with her friends and family down the road and that really endears them more to you.

Cheers,

Michael



Apr 21st 2014 new

Who said" ; "Every time I hear the word 'culture', I reach for my revolver"?

Who said; " Every time I reach for my revolver , I hear the word 'culture' "?

Apr 21st 2014 new
Interesting topic, Val! Living in the U.S., I also find the mix of cultures difficult to navigate at times. But as a child of immigrants myself, I find commonality with other first and second generation immigrants from various (Catholic) countries. The very experience of being unique can be your common bond, and perhaps your desire to blend some traditions (food, music, etc.) can help you build a life with someone from another Catholic culture.
Apr 21st 2014 new
(quote) Val-1082033 said:

While growing up in Africa, i was really used people with a particular culture; but i have always thought it would be a blessing to date or even marry a gal with a different culture, provided that person shares my faith, because i reckon there should be a synergy between the two cultures, since, although we are different, we are one body in Christ (Romans 12:5)

I have been living in London (which has become cosmopolitan of late) for some time now, and i have been blessed to meet and interact on a daily basis, with people from different races and with different cultures. However, i am yet to get emotional with a gal with different culture from mine, let alone from different race.

Nonetheless, my closet mate and a flatmate is a single mum from eastern europe. But i find that we tend to disagree on a lot of issues which i think is down to cultural differences or perhaps personality differences, or both. And it makes me wonder, if i can disagree with just a friend, what chances that i will not, with a life partner?

So could it be that cultural difference are more of a barrier to a fruitful relationship than a blessing?

Depends on the people. I had culture differences with my mother! She was raised by an Englishman and an Irish mother, here in New England. But we were raised in the 'hood, in D.C.. Thank God for the influence of Catholic school. And my father was totally Old World Russian/Ukrainian. So, I married a Turk. I actually feel a greater connection with men of other cultures, or who are first generation American. Cultural differences can be so subtle, and cause real problems. Like a man from a culture of machismo, with an American woman. She may think she's being helpful with something, and he's actually feeling emasculated. I told a friend that a guy I was dating sat in his car outside my condo, wanting to see me. (He later told me.) She got weirded out by that. I told her the story of my mother noticing my father outside of her apartment, smoking a cigarette. .. across the street one night when she said she couldn't see him that night. It didn't bother my mother. (She married him.) If an American man does that, it would likely feel like stalking. If he's from a culture where men are freer with expressing their hearts, it could feel romantic. It depends on the couple and the individuals.
Apr 21st 2014 new
Hiya! biggrin wave
I live in a city that is very multi-cultural and am constantly exposed to people of different cultural backgrounds. This has afforded me the opportunity to gain a better understanding of various cultures, customs, traditions etc. I can understand how cultural differences can cause some strain in relationships if both partners are from completely different cultures. From my experience dating someone of a different culture than myself, I found that being open-minded, flexible and willing to adapt was the key to a good relationship. Not to mention, it was very interesting and exciting learning new things about the other person and participating in some of their cultural traditions and vice versa.
Just my 2 cents! biggrin
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