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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

So....
The first date is behind us, and we have managed at least enough mutual intrigue to have murmured, upon our leave taking, that we would like to see each other again. Both elated by such agreement, he says, "I'll call you sometime, okay?" And there it begins..... The agony of that period of floating aimlessly in the Doldrums, hoping to see signs of a fresh breeze as the days pass without a puff. The Scylla and Charybdis of dating decisions: do you crank up the outboard motor and get on your way, or do you place your trust in his sincere promise to call and wait in quiet, tortured dignity? The aggressive outboard maneuver may well settle the question of the next date - but, then, is he only agreeing because you have tracked him down and nailed him to specifics? So, for your forwardness, you earn 1) a specific time and place for that second date, and 2) the eternal uncertainty as to whether he really would have called you. On the other hand, a woman won't even think about the man calling her later that night or the next day - much too soon for maintaining the "cool" factor; on the third day, however, she wonders if she ever gave him her number - maybe she forgot? Or he lost it? What if he doesn't know how to do a people search? (Which she did before ever meeting him, and now knows his landline, work, and cell numbers, 2 email addresses, his home address, the names of various persons related to him, and their approximate ages, and, very likely, the number on his license plate. But NEVER would she even dream of running a criminal background check - too creepy.)

Our fair lady, languishing in the inactivity of these phone-call-less days, nevertheless has read enough Dorothy Parker to refrain from any affirmative action. And so.... her cellphone seems to have broken, or has become inhabited by an evil genie who laughs derisively as she pulls it out to check if she left the ringer on silent - for the 27th time that day. She never calls her voicemail for her home phone messages but disciplines herself to wait until actually home before examining the answering machine. Could she have forgotten to pay her phone bill and it's been shut off? Her mother calls, eliminating that possibility. This is so stupid - she hardly even knows this guy, so why should he be all she thinks about? In fact, as the days go on, she resolves to receive his call - some day - with ice cold civility, and the dismissive words to the effect of something about being too busy to plan anything at the moment, but she'll let him know when she's available. He has no time to account for his delay, and now the second date is vanishing in the distance - why????

And now, I turn this delicate if thorny matter over to you, gentle reader, and solicit your thoughts and ideas about solving, avoiding or eliminating such a labyrinthine network of non- and mis- communication.
Apr 22nd 2014 new
You could be writing romance novels, Maura. I think you are making this aspect of dating behavior unnecessarily complicated. This is not an unsolved mystery in the universe. After the first date, a man's efforts will tell you all you need to know. No action equals no interest. Best approach after a first meeting or first date is to have no expectations and regard the experience as an illusion until it is made real by further pursuit. No need to try to interpret or analyze any other behavior as women are generally inclined to do. (Love your new picture by the way.)
Apr 22nd 2014 new

It sounds like this first date went well and there is a connection and a spark of intrigue. If you don't hear from him in few days, contact him. Keep the connection warm so it doesn't cool off. Just when the excitement begins to fade and the daily grind of life takes over, remind him of the nice time you both experienced. If you don't hear from him in a few days you be the first to reach out and re-establish the communication and spark of intrigue.

I think as the number of days increase between last date and the next communication, there lies a greater chance this gentleman can be wooed by another woman. And when you finally reach out to him, it's too late because his attention is turned to the next woman in line.

I think certain men like to be pursued and like a woman who is bold enough to take the lead. It makes them feel special in much the same way women do when there is a strong spark between a man and a woman. When I feel that spark, I am giddy with delight when the man pursues me for the next meeting.

I know I can be a delicate dance of "should I or shouldn't I" make the next move.

Apr 22nd 2014 new
(quote) Carol-1007500 said: You could be writing romance novels, Maura. I think you are making this aspect of dating behavior unnecessarily complicated. This is not an unsolved mystery in the universe. After the first date, a man's efforts will tell you all you need to know. No action equals no interest. Best approach after a first meeting or first date is to have no expectations and regard the experience as an illusion until it is made real by further pursuit. No need to try to interpret or analyze any other behavior as women are generally inclined to do. (Love your new picture by the way.)

Romance novels? How perfect - the showering of a decent education and language skills, along with a modicum of secretarial skills - and I could render every word I wrote useless, quite outside the realm of anything considered "literature", and produced between a front and back cover depicting loosened strands of hair, falling carelessly across a heaving, suggestive-but-not graphic bosom, while in the background lurks a simultaneously menacing and dashing dark-clothed gentleman. Do actual people still write those, or have they been relegated to semi-sophisticated software programs?

You are, of course, correct, Carol astute and realistic people know what the signs are - but that's no fun to writ about - get a copy of "The Five Love Languages" or some recent key to opening the telephone receivers at both ends of the gender spectrum.


Or, perhaps you'd like to write an algorithm to end all this musing for once and all?

Apr 22nd 2014 new
(quote) Maura-1030942 said:

Romance novels? How perfect - the showering of a decent education and language skills, along with a modicum of secretarial skills - and I could render every word I wrote useless, quite outside the realm of anything considered "literature", and produced between a front and back cover depicting loosened strands of hair, falling carelessly across a heaving, suggestive-but-not graphic bosom, while in the background lurks a simultaneously menacing and dashing dark-clothed gentleman. Do actual people still write those, or have they been relegated to semi-sophisticated software programs?

You are, of course, correct, Carol astute and realistic people know what the signs are - but that's no fun to writ about - get a copy of "The Five Love Languages" or some recent key to opening the telephone receivers at both ends of the gender spectrum.


Or, perhaps you'd like to write an algorithm to end all this musing for once and all?

You could write great literature as well, Maura. Matters of attraction and romance have classic appeal. Let your wonderful musings continue.


Apr 22nd 2014 new
(quote) Bridget-884672 said:

It sounds like this first date went well and there is a connection and a spark of intrigue. If you don't hear from him in few days, contact him. Keep the connection warm so it doesn't cool off. Just when the excitement begins to fade and the daily grind of life takes over, remind him of the nice time you both experienced. If you don't hear from him in a few days you be the first to reach out and re-establish the communication and spark of intrigue.

I think as the number of days increase between last date and the next communication, there lies a greater chance this gentleman can be wooed by another woman. And when you finally reach out to him, it's too late because his attention is turned to the next woman in line.

I think certain men like to be pursued and like a woman who is bold enough to take the lead. It makes them feel special in much the same way women do when there is a strong spark between a man and a woman. When I feel that spark, I am giddy with delight when the man pursues me for the next meeting.

I know I can be a delicate dance of "should I or shouldn't I" make the next move.

I respectfully disagree, Bridget, about reaching out to a man after the first date. It is HIS job to be the pursuer.

Apr 22nd 2014 new
(quote) Maura-1030942 said: So....
The first date is behind us, and we have managed at least enough mutual intrigue to have murmured, upon our leave taking, that we would like to see each other again. Both elated by such agreement, he says, "I'll call you sometime, okay?" And there it begins..... The agony of that period of floating aimlessly in the Doldrums, hoping to see signs of a fresh breeze as the days pass without a puff. The Scylla and Charybdis of dating decisions: do you crank up the outboard motor and get on your way, or do you place your trust in his sincere promise to call and wait in quiet, tortured dignity? The aggressive outboard maneuver may well settle the question of the next date - but, then, is he only agreeing because you have tracked him down and nailed him to specifics? So, for your forwardness, you earn 1) a specific time and place for that second date, and 2) the eternal uncertainty as to whether he really would have called you. On the other hand, a woman won't even think about the man calling her later that night or the next day - much too soon for maintaining the "cool" factor; on the third day, however, she wonders if she ever gave him her number - maybe she forgot? Or he lost it? What if he doesn't know how to do a people search? (Which she did before ever meeting him, and now knows his landline, work, and cell numbers, 2 email addresses, his home address, the names of various persons related to him, and their approximate ages, and, very likely, the number on his license plate. But NEVER would she even dream of running a criminal background check - too creepy.)

Our fair lady, languishing in the inactivity of these phone-call-less days, nevertheless has read enough Dorothy Parker to refrain from any affirmative action. And so.... her cellphone seems to have broken, or has become inhabited by an evil genie who laughs derisively as she pulls it out to check if she left the ringer on silent - for the 27th time that day. She never calls her voicemail for her home phone messages but disciplines herself to wait until actually home before examining the answering machine. Could she have forgotten to pay her phone bill and it's been shut off? Her mother calls, eliminating that possibility. This is so stupid - she hardly even knows this guy, so why should he be all she thinks about? In fact, as the days go on, she resolves to receive his call - some day - with ice cold civility, and the dismissive words to the effect of something about being too busy to plan anything at the moment, but she'll let him know when she's available. He has no time to account for his delay, and now the second date is vanishing in the distance - why????

And now, I turn this delicate if thorny matter over to you, gentle reader, and solicit your thoughts and ideas about solving, avoiding or eliminating such a labyrinthine network of non- and mis- communication.
Maura,
You are a master with words. The style in which you write is absolutely captivating. This thread reads like a best selling romantic novel. You should consider writing a column for the newspaper, so it's readers can participate in the drama as the weeks unfold. Newspapers would fly off the shelves. You've earned my readership. clap Bow


Apr 22nd 2014 new
(quote) Carol-1007500 said:

I respectfully disagree, Bridget, about reaching out to a man after the first date. It is HIS job to be the pursuer.


Maura, listen to Carol. She is 100% correct.
Apr 23rd 2014 new
Hi Maura,

I'll be a straight shooter on this sort of thing. When I dated and clicked very well with a lady, I made arrangements to meet her for coffee the next day after the date and discussed plans for things we could do over the next month or so. If things did not click in for us, I still tried to make the best of the evening, be very nice then tell her I'd give her all call later down the road. Well this is really like telling the vacuum salesman, sure, I like the product, I'll talk to the wife about it and call you back at the end of the week which means forget it. Of course when a lady treats me similarly, I just put her out of my mind altogether thinking life is too short to pine about a person and just move on and meet somebody else.

Cheers,

Michael Kelly


Apr 23rd 2014 new
Michael,
You are a heartbreaker! Firstly, I think the nicest thing a person can do is BE HONEST! For crying out loud, we ARE adults. Just my humble request for people to act with integrity and kindness.
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