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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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I am following a drama series about a family relationship. The wife caught the husband cheating on her to her best friend.
Her father asked her how much does she love her husband? She replied, very very much. The father said, if you really love your husband and your family fight for it.
Just wanna know the views of CM members?
Apr 29th 2014 new
i think if someone commits adultery, you have violated the marital bond... i am all for forgiveness yet i dont think that marriage is valid anymore
Apr 29th 2014 new
(quote) Analiza-886982 said: I am following a drama series about a family relationship. The wife caught the husband cheating on her to her best friend.
Her father asked her how much does she love her husband? She replied, very very much. The father said, if you really love your husband and your family fight for it.
Just wanna know the views of CM members?
In my pre-marriage counseling, the priest said I would have to forgive my husband if he were to cheat on me. I disagreed and that was our only argument. I told my husband he'd be out the door if that happened. (The Lord knew I would forgive him of anything, but I was not going to give him a free ride from the start. That was my only secret in our 27 year relationship.)

Trust is hard to recoup in any relationship. You both have to be willing to work at it and reconcile any past offenses. But I can tell you, if you are lucky enough to move past it, the love that comes from that is beyond comparison.

Apr 29th 2014 new
Hello,

On one occasion I would forgive the adultery then discuss why it happened with her and what role I may have played also to bring this on. Repeated adultery, no I'd give up and move on. Unfortunately when that happens, even if you reconcile some things die, starting with trust that you will never get back.

Cheers,

Michael Kelly
Apr 29th 2014 new
Michael, if your wife committed adultery, it was her choice, not yours. That would be her inappropriate act. If she's having a problem with you, you should be confronted. The other guy can't help the situation.

I think that if a person is a cheater s/he'll always be a cheater. So, if my husband committed adultery, he better leave for his sake-not just mine. I wouldn't want him anymore. There are a few people that I've worked with that were cheating on their wives. It usually didn't stop at just one fling. One person said that he's a man and he's always going to like women and play around -- even after he got caught in public by his wife.

Apr 29th 2014 new
I think in a marriage you have to fight for it if you both really want it. It takes both people wanting to make it work. Lots of communication and forgiveness can heal broken marriages.
Apr 29th 2014 new

'Michael, if your wife committed adultery, it was her choice, not yours. That would be her inappropriate act. If she's having a problem with you, you should be confronted. The other guy can't help the situation.'


Good point Adrienne! I would at least just go through the theatrics of giving the marriage a second chance based on Christ's teaching on "The Parable of The Ungrateful Servant" where we are told we shall not be forgiven if we don't forgive. Still. more often than not your observation of once a cheater, always a cheater is very valid from what I have observed over the years,

Michael


Apr 29th 2014 new
(quote) Michael-1071426 said:

'Michael, if your wife committed adultery, it was her choice, not yours. That would be her inappropriate act. If she's having a problem with you, you should be confronted. The other guy can't help the situation.'


Good point Adrienne! I would at least just go through the theatrics of giving the marriage a second chance based on Christ's teaching on "The Parable of The Ungrateful Servant" where we are told we shall not be forgiven if we don't forgive. Still. more often than not your observation of once a cheater, always a cheater is very valid from what I have observed over the years,

Michael


Forgiving the cheating spouse is something we're commanded to do, but we're not commanded to continue the marriage. There are obviously advantages in doing so if it's at all possible, just saying that the two things are separable.
Apr 29th 2014 new
(quote) Paul-1049651 said: Forgiving the cheating spouse is something we're commanded to do, but we're not commanded to continue the marriage. There are obviously advantages in doing so if it's at all possible, just saying that the two things are separable.
Yeah. Forgiving doesn't mean ignoring justice.

Loving him is not reason to stay.

That he did it with her best friend says so much. He was willing to devastate his wife, have her lose her husband AND her best friend. What a pill! Does he even WANT his marriage?? Good grief. In no way would I continue in a relationship with such a guy. Chances are he has deep feelings for this 'best friend'. No matter how awful the wife may have been, no matter what her errors, IT DOES NOT EXCUSE HIS INFIDELITY. If things were bad enough for him to get in bed with someone else, he should have brought it to the wife's attention long before that happened. Cheating is such a wimpy copout. He was willing to devastate his wife, break his vows, and who knows what else, since we don't have the full story.

Whatever the story, being unfaithful is not okay.

How sad and destructive. And how selfish. Forgot the fact that he's unfaithful, who would want such a self-centered husband. That's how he deals with stuff. He escapes.
Apr 29th 2014 new
This is a subject near and dear to my heart. I chose to forgive, and we both went into marriage counseling to see what the problems were that led up to the infidelity. Boy, did I learn a lot about myself, my marriage and my husband! Trust is very hard to re-establish, and forgiveness doesn't mean you have forgotten nor have you endorsed the behavior. I felt as though we were being given a second chance, but I worried about some of the things that were revealed during counseling, and wondered if it would happen again somewhere down the road. Unfortunately it did. I knew that I couldn't have a 3 person marriage, and had to make some tough decisions about it , and as a result, about our family. To this day I grieve over the loss of our intact family, but I have not regretted my decision to end our marriage. With God's grace my children and I remained close and got through the worst of it, and with my annulment just around the corner, that chapter of my life is over. I did fight very hard the first time, and learned a valuable lesson about forgiveness. It is freeing! God's gift to you when you are able to forgive is to let you go on with your life. Of course it still hurts, and always will. But I can now look toward the future, instead of wallowing in the hurt of the past. Alleluia!

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