Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Most of us had spouses die far too soon. I was 49. I had spent my entire adult life following that man all over the world. Home was him and wherever Uncle Sam sent us. All of our children were grown and out of the house when he was killed. I had no idea where to move or what to do. All that I knew changed with one vile act. I could no longer be the shy woman hiding behind her husband. I have moved twice (once overseas), finished another master's degree, and changed careers. i have given many speeches and interviews. While I certainly do not see myself as strong enough to do this, it is humbling to see how God has given me courage and vision. Tag....your turn. Who are you now? What have you done that you could not imagine doing before?
May 19th 2014 new
(quote) Linda-756196 said: Most of us had spouses die far too soon. I was 49. I had spent my entire adult life following that man all over the world. Home was him and wherever Uncle Sam sent us. All of our children were grown and out of the house when he was killed. I had no idea where to move or what to do. All that I knew changed with one vile act. I could no longer be the shy woman hiding behind her husband. I have moved twice (once overseas), finished another master's degree, and changed careers. i have given many speeches and interviews. While I certainly do not see myself as strong enough to do this, it is humbling to see how God has given me courage and vision. Tag....your turn. Who are you now? What have you done that you could not imagine doing before?
I am still becoming. However, I have, in the last 2 years, taken a driving trip with my four kids solo - to Colorado. I have paid off one house, purchased another house, and tended to all of the financial needs of my family. Not perfectly, I've made some decisions I regret but they are "lessons learned." However, considering I wouldn't have anything to do with finances during our marriage, other than to ask what my budget was for groceries, etc, I feel pretty proud of myself.

The thing I am most proud of is that I resurrected a dream to write a novel, took a writing course, and joined a group of other female writers. My novel (a collection of short stories in actuality) is taking shape slowly as I have to fit in my writing between mothering responsibilities, but it will get done. Published? Who knows and I don't care. It's about finishing it.

As for the rest of my becoming, who knows? I am still a rough draft.
May 20th 2014 new
HI Linda,

I think in some ways I am still in the becoming phase as well. But, there have been little triumphs, like mowing the lawn and fixing the toilet, to bigger things like continuing to finish the dissertation, struggling with the where am I to go now and what am I supposed to do now -- with thoughts that are completely different than what they were up until Pete's death. I've welcomed a new grandbaby and two more on the way and I try to enjoy them the way he would have. I have organized a huge family trip and spoke at my son's wedding. I have had a major surgery and fought to save my youngest from a bad place. I have learned I can survive the silence and solitude of my life now, despite rebelling against it. I have followed the legal paths of justice to see where they may take us and am currently challenging some laws here in regard to worker deaths. Perhaps that gives meaning to this loss.

I still don't know where to go or what I am to do ultimately, but each day I feel stronger and more convinced that I will be able to see it through whenever I discover what it is lol. . .

Most importantly, I learned that despite this gaping wound to my soul I can continue to breath and move and think and love, even through the pain of it all.
May 20th 2014 new

Happy New Year

Yes, it is a new year. All alone! What now? Wow! If that isn't a brain teaser I don't know what is.

We find ouerselves in that unbelievable quandry of life without Him/Her. In the past 7 years I have been there twice. With Connie it was Cancer after 35 years. With Valerie it was an accident after 5 1/2 months.

For me it was writing. After Connie, it was a cathartic book, "Choices" of my life with all the pitfalls and successes. The good the bad and yes, the ugly. We all experianced the same in life. With Valerie however we had not been man and wife long enough to have tossed off the shackles of the "Hallmark" life to witness the bad and probably the ugly. I say that of course with tongue in cheek.

While dating, Valerie offered her manuscript of, "Beyond the Shadow of the Brownstone" for my comments. After reading this Oeuvre I realized that it was a winner and assisted her in the final editing of this fictional novel when she died. This past Good Friday was the first anniversary of her Funeral Service and since that time I worked to have it published. The release of this Fictional Novel was on October 1, 2013 and has been on Amazon ever since. It has taken many thousands of dollars and countless hours on this infernal computer to bring her work to fruision. Read about it on Amazon you might like it.

As of yesterday I have begun to work with a new PR Firm to complete the marketing of Valeries work. It most likely will take many more thousands of dollars and hours on the computer as well as visiting various venues such as Barns and Noble, Sisters of St Paul Book stores and any and all who wish to allow me to be present as her advocate at Book Signing in Abstencia.

Finally I have another book on my computer that is known only to me of Valerie's final work in this life and am presently doing the final editing so that when "Brownstone" has run its course I will be able to introduce to the world a final and magnificient work by my wife Valerie Lawrence. She was/is beautiful, smart, strong, loving and dedicated to helping others. Should I do any less? If you ever have time toss her a "Hail Mary". Thanks

To all, please may God love and protect you

Be safe, be happy and be in love

Philip

May 20th 2014 new
Philip, nothing like giving myself away, but my story is Courageously Alive--A Walk Through Military Loss
This story would never have made me rich and it made me sick to think of making money off of Phil's death, thus I donate every cent. It is cathartic and it has allowed my heart to heal. Godspeed, my friend.
May 20th 2014 new

Good evening Linda

Bravo! You are one that I admire very much. I have watched your comments on CM for quite a while. Having been an Officer in Korea and having my outfit loosing 98 wonderful men I know the heartache you carry. Sending those men home was the most brutle job I have ever had.

I too will never recover my investment in the memory of my dear wife as I have offered 100% of all rights to "Priests for Life" and also pledged $1.00 to the Right to Life Organization for every book sold.

It seems that we are on the same page and my journey will never be a function of dollars and cents. I rather feel that when an individual accomplishes an unusual feat that it should be honored and that is what I have tried to do in her memory.

God love

Philip

May 20th 2014 new
I raised 5 kids on my own.
May 21st 2014 new
I have five children, Marge--that was no small feat! You are amazing and strong.
Jun 2nd 2014 new
Before my wife passed away I would treasure a quiet night at home, computers down, talking, maybe watching a bit of TV, etc.. Since then, the idea of a quiet night at home seems exhausting ... I'm used to burning the candle at both ends, and am energized (normally) by being out and busy.

Of course I have learned that this has become a coping strategy ... but so far it's the most effective strategy I've found. It really isn't that bad though, the community and others have benefited from me giving so freely of my time.
Jun 8th 2014 new
Posts 1 - 10 of 30