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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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Too marriage minded

Jun 9th new
Do you think that as Catholics sometimes we are too marriage minded, especially when it comes to online dating? In the past forays into the CM world, I've caught myself behaving as if I have to decide if I want to marry someone before I've even had a conversation. Sometimes its easy to dismiss someone because of their picture, some fact in their profile, or even the tone of their writing. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Is it better to be able to weed people out faster, or do you think that, instead, we pass by people that we might actually have been a good match with?

This time around, I've tried to be much more open, but so far conversations with the few people who have contacted me have fizzled with in a couple of emails, and interest from the people I've contacted has been zilch. It seems unlikely that I could meet fifty people in real life without striking up a friendship with at least one or two of them, and if they were all practicing Catholics, it seems like the odds should be even better. However, online, it doesn't seem to be working out that way.

Do you think that too much information coupled with the fact that most people are looking for marriage is the part of the reason that so many people on CM get such a poor response rate?


Jun 9th new
(quote) Jacinta-1043967 said: Do you think that as Catholics sometimes we are too marriage minded, especially when it comes to online dating? In the past forays into the CM world, I've caught myself behaving as if I have to decide if I want to marry someone before I've even had a conversation. Sometimes its easy to dismiss someone because of their picture, some fact in their profile, or even the tone of their writing. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Is it better to be able to weed people out faster, or do you think that, instead, we pass by people that we might actually have been a good match with?

This time around, I've tried to be much more open, but so far conversations with the few people who have contacted me have fizzled with in a couple of emails, and interest from the people I've contacted has been zilch. It seems unlikely that I could meet fifty people in real life without striking up a friendship with at least one or two of them, and if they were all practicing Catholics, it seems like the odds should be even better. However, online, it doesn't seem to be working out that way.

Do you think that too much information coupled with the fact that most people are looking for marriage is the part of the reason that so many people on CM get such a poor response rate?


Yes, I see what you mean. I wouldn't call it being too marriage minded, but I do think folks makes all sorts of assumptions from a profile. In fact, I think people are making assumptions from looking at the thumbnail and the information that can be seen by hovering the mouse, and then not even getting to the point of viewing the profile.

I wish people would be more open to viewing profiles and then chatting a bit.

"It seems unlikely that I could meet fifty people in real life without striking up a friendship with at least one or two of them, and if they were all practicing Catholics, it seems like the odds should be even better. However, online, it doesn't seem to be working out that way." Yes, agreed.
Jun 9th new
I thought we were all here because we are marriage minded!!
The response rate does suck irked I guess there is someone for everyone- but only one in a thousand!
Jun 9th new
(quote) Jacinta-1043967 said: Do you think that too much information coupled with the fact that most people are looking for marriage is the part of the reason that so many people on CM get such a poor response rate?


No, i think what you wrote here may have more to do with it..
".. or do you think that, instead, we pass by people that we might actually have been a good match with?"

just my two cents Praying

Jun 10th new
Interesting post... I'm still new on CM and I have to say I've been a bit disappointed in responses. I've read the recommendations (if you see someone near you with similar responses, don't wait for them to write first) and I reached out with messages. No responses. When I see there are local guys with birthdays, I've sent a happy birthday wish. No responses.

I'm not expecting to see a person's profile and immediately know he's "the one." You need to have some contact/communication. Many of the profiles state they are looking for friendship and marriage. Well, I would like to meet some friends here and see if anything turns into love then marriage. But how to get the conversation started when no one replies? I did have a few message exchanges with a guy, unfortunately he lives half way across country. We had a nice conversation but then it just stopped. I don't know why and I asked and again, no reply.

I'm not sure what God's plan is and I know I'm new to this process but, this is a bit frustrating.
Jun 10th new
(quote) Marilyn-1092779 said: Interesting post... I'm still new on CM and I have to say I've been a bit disappointed in responses. I've read the recommendations (if you see someone near you with similar responses, don't wait for them to write first) and I reached out with messages. No responses. When I see there are local guys with birthdays, I've sent a happy birthday wish. No responses.

I'm not expecting to see a person's profile and immediately know he's "the one." You need to have some contact/communication. Many of the profiles state they are looking for friendship and marriage. Well, I would like to meet some friends here and see if anything turns into love then marriage. But how to get the conversation started when no one replies? I did have a few message exchanges with a guy, unfortunately he lives half way across country. We had a nice conversation but then it just stopped. I don't know why and I asked and again, no reply.

I'm not sure what God's plan is and I know I'm new to this process but, this is a bit frustrating.
That's why I like the forums. There never has been a great response rate for me or even many matches to my profile, but in here I get to know people and messaging them has been the best part of my time here. It may not lead to marriage, but it gives me that much needed communication with others.
Jun 10th new
(quote) Jacinta-1043967 said: Do you think that as Catholics sometimes we are too marriage minded, especially when it comes to online dating? In the past forays into the CM world, I've caught myself behaving as if I have to decide if I want to marry someone before I've even had a conversation. Sometimes its easy to dismiss someone because of their picture, some fact in their profile, or even the tone of their writing. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Is it better to be able to weed people out faster, or do you think that, instead, we pass by people that we might actually have been a good match with?

This time around, I've tried to be much more open, but so far conversations with the few people who have contacted me have fizzled with in a couple of emails, and interest from the people I've contacted has been zilch. It seems unlikely that I could meet fifty people in real life without striking up a friendship with at least one or two of them, and if they were all practicing Catholics, it seems like the odds should be even better. However, online, it doesn't seem to be working out that way.

Do you think that too much information coupled with the fact that most people are looking for marriage is the part of the reason that so many people on CM get such a poor response rate?


There is a marriage mindset here on CM - understandably so - but there are many who want to find true friendships based on real values.

CM narrows the scope of prospective suitors in a very important way. Devout Catholics can be very hard to find in the real world (picture a needle in a haystack). If nothing else, it is reassuring to know that like-minded Catholics do exist and thrive in our post-Christian, secular, materialistic culture.

As far as the poor response rate, well, I have no answer or remedy for that. I encounter that very same problem all the time...
Jun 10th new
(quote) Joan-1085686 said: As far as the poor response rate, well, I have no answer or remedy for that. I encounter that very same problem all the time...
..... all the time ...
Jun 10th new
Hang in there Jacinta. It's just the nature of online dating. Other than the very lucky, the people who meet someone online and form a relationship tend to be active on the site. They participate in the forums They contact many prospects. They also expand the geographical scope of their searches.

I understand what you mean about marriage mindedness. When I first joined CM a woman in another state messaged me asking if we could speak on the telephone. Because I'm active in the forums, I assumed she wanted to discuss one of the topics in the forums or maybe ask me a legal question (I'm an attorney). Instead she immediately launched into a series of (impertinent) questions: Why did I get divorced? Am I working on an annulment? How many kids do I have? What do I think of stepchildren - would I name them as beneficiaries of my life insurance and include them in my will in addition to my own children? Do I have any STD's or genetic health problems? What is my financial and employment status? I asked why she wanted to know all this. She got miffed, saying how do we know if someone is marriage material without knowing these things? I told her she was putting the cart before the horse, that first a couple gets to know one another and during that process learns the answers to these questions. She said she didn't have time for that and then informed me that she didn't want to marry me anyway and ended the conversation. I was left shaking my head in amused amazement.

Jun 10th new
Dating is not a hobby or a sport. Dating is for a purpose - to end up in marriage.
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