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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

To quote the inimitable Ms. Parker in full: Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

True? False? Neither. As it always is with me, it depends!


First, I apologize to my faithful readers (all half dozen or so of you), for my columnar absence during the past week; I have been jaunting about in Maine, returning only late Wednesday in order to attend one of my favorite sporting events: a conference with my lawyers concerning the debacle pretending to be the probating of my late husbands estate. Playoffs begin Monday morning with a rain delay known as Mediation.

Anyway, all of this is entirely germane to this particular topic, in that - well. just be patient and try to follow my convoluted thought processes.

By the time I was fifteen, I was the miserable owner of the first of many pairs of eyeglasses to be bent, lost, demolished, and/or outgrown over the ensuing decades. I had worn braces (train tracks), plus the head-gear appliance to which I attribute many of my mental quirks, from my 12th birthday until shortly before my 15th, and I was absolutely certain of one thing: boys didnt make passes at girls who wore braces. The braces were removed to reveal brilliant, perfectly straight white teeth in August before 10th grade, immediately followed by chrome-framed aviator spectacles, with lenses of a thickness that I shudder to recall - particularly since only one eye required that much correction. Years of reading on my bed, lying on one side and resting the book perpendicular to the mattress, had created monster-vision: left eye - 20:40, right eye - 20:400. I was a lopsided Cyclops.

11th grade English Lit. offered Dorothy Parker and her clever quip as definite proof that eyeglasses prevented the making of any passes whatsoever in my general direction; by the time I was a Senior, I was walking into walls, but my slightly bemused countenance was finally free of beauty-obscuring metalwork. And soon thereafter, I experienced enough male attention to suggest that Dorothy and I had been right.

So... what, exactly, constitutes making a pass at someone - male or female? Not having a working definition that satisfied me when I started this self-assignment, I did a (very) little research. First stop, the middle-aged girls go-to guide: Cosmo! Immediate success - witness the following excerpt from a Cosmo short story, brought up in my first Google hit:


Knowing Tina, she would have gone ahead to make a pass at the guy if he was following her, Seyefa says with a laugh, leaving her chair and walking to the wooden shoe rack beside her wardrobe to pick up a pair of sequined silver flats.

And what is wrong in making a pass at a guy you like?

There is nothing wrong about being attracted to a guy, but let him do the chase, Ronke answers.

*****

[Later that evening, when a power outage has conspired to strand Tina and friends at the attractive guys apartment...]

Attractive Guy narrates:

My thinking is disturbed by the feel of soft flesh pressing into my back. Tina. Why didnt I stop her from coming over? I pull away from her and turn to face her. Her eyes are bright with her amorous intentions.

Tina?

Yeah?

I am not that kind of guy.

******

Poor Tina!!! Okay, so this is Cosmos relatively low-key version of a pass, at least in the sense that we now inhabit a brave new world where undisguised pornography masquerading as literotica. I am still shocked that Fifty Shades of Gray sits on the front table at Barnes & Noble, tops the New York Times Bestseller list for over a year, and is, for all appearances, required reading for anyone over the age - well, reading-age.

Now, for all you lawyers and wanna-bes - this topic IS NOT about the distinction between verbal passes and physical passes, which, I fully realize, carry legal, even criminal import. We are returning instead to the polite cocktail-party society of the Roaring 20s (minus the more serious and degrading aspects of that period, please.) Yes, an unwanted pass, however defined, is at the very least uncomfortable - even Cosmo knows that.

But what about the happier circumstance of being the recipient of a desired advance? Or the anxious suitor trying to determine if an advance would be welcome? In the excerpt above, the signs have been misread by the girl, and the advance rejected by the boy. Is there a gender bias to making passes, something in the order of opening doors for someone? Should there be?

[As a final note, I was in fact wearing my glasses when the airport limo-driver who has driven me and my parents at least a dozen times in the past 2 years, made an overt and very much undesired pass at me. The glasses stayed on, the driver went unpaid, and the irony was overwhelming ]


Jun 15th new
(quote) Maura-1030942 said:

First, I apologize to my faithful readers (all half dozen or so of you), for my columnar absence during the past week; I have been jaunting about in Maine, returning only late Wednesday in order to attend one of my favorite sporting events: a conference with my lawyers concerning the debacle pretending to be the probating of my late husbands estate. Playoffs begin Monday morning with a rain delay known as Mediation.



no need to apologize for priority in life - welcome back wave from a jaunting not leaping opportunity in Maine ... didn't quite make it but hope to in July to follow in your footsteps .... probably will miss Marge on my excursion .... yes it is daunting when you have to deal with probate, but hope all goes well for you crossfingers ....
Jun 15th new
(quote) Maura-1030942 said:

To quote the inimitable Ms. Parker in full: Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

True? False? Neither. As it always is with me, it depends!


First, I apologize to my faithful readers (all half dozen or so of you), for my columnar absence during the past week; I have been jaunting about in Maine, returning only late Wednesday in order to attend one of my favorite sporting events: a conference with my lawyers concerning the debacle pretending to be the probating of my late husbands estate. Playoffs begin Monday morning with a rain delay known as Mediation.

Anyway, all of this is entirely germane to this particular topic, in that - well. just be patient and try to follow my convoluted thought processes.

By the time I was fifteen, I was the miserable owner of the first of many pairs of eyeglasses to be bent, lost, demolished, and/or outgrown over the ensuing decades. I had worn braces (train tracks), plus the head-gear appliance to which I attribute many of my mental quirks, from my 12th birthday until shortly before my 15th, and I was absolutely certain of one thing: boys didnt make passes at girls who wore braces. The braces were removed to reveal brilliant, perfectly straight white teeth in August before 10th grade, immediately followed by chrome-framed aviator spectacles, with lenses of a thickness that I shudder to recall - particularly since only one eye required that much correction. Years of reading on my bed, lying on one side and resting the book perpendicular to the mattress, had created monster-vision: left eye - 20:40, right eye - 20:400. I was a lopsided Cyclops.

11th grade English Lit. offered Dorothy Parker and her clever quip as definite proof that eyeglasses prevented the making of any passes whatsoever in my general direction; by the time I was a Senior, I was walking into walls, but my slightly bemused countenance was finally free of beauty-obscuring metalwork. And soon thereafter, I experienced enough male attention to suggest that Dorothy and I had been right.

So... what, exactly, constitutes making a pass at someone - male or female? Not having a working definition that satisfied me when I started this self-assignment, I did a (very) little research. First stop, the middle-aged girls go-to guide: Cosmo! Immediate success - witness the following excerpt from a Cosmo short story, brought up in my first Google hit:


Knowing Tina, she would have gone ahead to make a pass at the guy if he was following her, Seyefa says with a laugh, leaving her chair and walking to the wooden shoe rack beside her wardrobe to pick up a pair of sequined silver flats.

And what is wrong in making a pass at a guy you like?

There is nothing wrong about being attracted to a guy, but let him do the chase, Ronke answers.

*****

[Later that evening, when a power outage has conspired to strand Tina and friends at the attractive guys apartment...]

Attractive Guy narrates:

My thinking is disturbed by the feel of soft flesh pressing into my back. Tina. Why didnt I stop her from coming over? I pull away from her and turn to face her. Her eyes are bright with her amorous intentions.

Tina?

Yeah?

I am not that kind of guy.

******

Poor Tina!!! Okay, so this is Cosmos relatively low-key version of a pass, at least in the sense that we now inhabit a brave new world where undisguised pornography masquerading as literotica. I am still shocked that Fifty Shades of Gray sits on the front table at Barnes & Noble, tops the New York Times Bestseller list for over a year, and is, for all appearances, required reading for anyone over the age - well, reading-age.

Now, for all you lawyers and wanna-bes - this topic IS NOT about the distinction between verbal passes and physical passes, which, I fully realize, carry legal, even criminal import. We are returning instead to the polite cocktail-party society of the Roaring 20s (minus the more serious and degrading aspects of that period, please.) Yes, an unwanted pass, however defined, is at the very least uncomfortable - even Cosmo knows that.

But what about the happier circumstance of being the recipient of a desired advance? Or the anxious suitor trying to determine if an advance would be welcome? In the excerpt above, the signs have been misread by the girl, and the advance rejected by the boy. Is there a gender bias to making passes, something in the order of opening doors for someone? Should there be?

[As a final note, I was in fact wearing my glasses when the airport limo-driver who has driven me and my parents at least a dozen times in the past 2 years, made an overt and very much undesired pass at me. The glasses stayed on, the driver went unpaid, and the irony was overwhelming ]


Thank you, Genie - I have high hopes that you and I and Marge will soon be eating lobster and clam chowder on the back deck at Barnacle Billy's in Perkins Cove!
Jun 15th new

Hopefully you meet a man who's a quarterback. I hear that they're great at making passes. ;-)

Jun 15th new
Ohhhh Maura, I had to laugh reading this. While no braces (out of our socioeconomic status when I was a kiddo) and no glasses (had eagle eyes), I was one of those that rarely encountered passes or recognized them. A few unexpected kisses occurred during my teen years all of which I was completely unprepared for (like I always had some gum in my mouth at the time) and completely baffled by as I couldn't figure out why I was the one getting the kiss, considering the context lol. . .

Anyway, not being an expert on passes prior to marriage, my knowledge never actually increased, at least in relation to myself. I can flirt pretty well, once i am expecting there to be some interaction, but I still fail to recognize or expect passes -- if passes can be defined as an opening play designed to either open a door to more encountering or slam it shut swiftly in disinterest.

I've realized over the last year or so, that I have missed at least three very obvious (in retrospect) opening plays and was so oblivious to them that I didn't catch them in the immediate moment and thus lost the opportunity.

The first was in the grocery store -- where I encountered one gentleman - very attractive and age appropriate -- on several aisles and on each aisle he made some comment, getting a little more vocal and funny with each passing. . . now this was at Wal-mart and on the soda aisle, which would have been like our seventh passing in the aisle, I started down the aisle, suddenly remembered I needed something from the baby aisle across the way, so I started down the aisle for seventh encounter, then abruptly moved across, catching him opening his mouth to speak, but wasn't even thinking about that at that particular moment. About two feet into the baby aisle I realize oh no I think he was flirting with me. . . I hurried back, but the magic was gone and so was he -- I didn't see him again that shopping trip and haven't seen him again since then.

Second, was at the gas station, a man standing behind me was making chit chat, my daughter's were with me, he asked about no ring, my daughter's etc. . .i was busy thinking ahead in my day. I said good bye with a smile as we were leaving and we get into the car and my girls start cracking up -- I am true to form oblivious and am like what is so funny and they both bust out "that guy was flirting with you mom" I was like no he wasn't and they were like oh yes he was and you just totally blew him off. . . I felt terrible.

Third happened just last week. I was hurrying to meet my friend Simone for lunch at our favorite Indian restaurant. She was already inside. As I was coming up to the door, a rather attractive and age appropriate gentleman was coming out the door. He stopped when he saw me and smiled broadly and held the door, but he stood right in the doorway so I had to approach him directly face first. He smiled again and said, "Hello there, how are you today? I smile and say fine thank you and you, turning sideways and going past him he looks back and says something else about having a great day and stands there for a minute, long enough for Simone to notice, but I was dropping my purse and saying hi to her. When I sat down, she was like did you know him? And, I was like no why? And, she just shook her head and laughed and said, "I think he might have wanted to know a little more about you." The usual confused and baffled feeling came over me and I thought "ohhhhh"

And, I realized, I really need to pay a little more attention, quit not expecting someone to show interest in me and be a little more relaxed or open to the pass situation. . .
Jun 15th new
(quote) Lauren-927923 said: Ohhhh Maura, I had to laugh reading this. While no braces (out of our socioeconomic status when I was a kiddo) and no glasses (had eagle eyes), I was one of those that rarely encountered passes or recognized them. A few unexpected kisses occurred during my teen years all of which I was completely unprepared for (like I always had some gum in my mouth at the time) and completely baffled by as I couldn't figure out why I was the one getting the kiss, considering the context lol. . .

Anyway, not being an expert on passes prior to marriage, my knowledge never actually increased, at least in relation to myself. I can flirt pretty well, once i am expecting there to be some interaction, but I still fail to recognize or expect passes -- if passes can be defined as an opening play designed to either open a door to more encountering or slam it shut swiftly in disinterest.

I've realized over the last year or so, that I have missed at least three very obvious (in retrospect) opening plays and was so oblivious to them that I didn't catch them in the immediate moment and thus lost the opportunity.

The first was in the grocery store -- where I encountered one gentleman - very attractive and age appropriate -- on several aisles and on each aisle he made some comment, getting a little more vocal and funny with each passing. . . now this was at Wal-mart and on the soda aisle, which would have been like our seventh passing in the aisle, I started down the aisle, suddenly remembered I needed something from the baby aisle across the way, so I started down the aisle for seventh encounter, then abruptly moved across, catching him opening his mouth to speak, but wasn't even thinking about that at that particular moment. About two feet into the baby aisle I realize oh no I think he was flirting with me. . . I hurried back, but the magic was gone and so was he -- I didn't see him again that shopping trip and haven't seen him again since then.

Second, was at the gas station, a man standing behind me was making chit chat, my daughter's were with me, he asked about no ring, my daughter's etc. . .i was busy thinking ahead in my day. I said good bye with a smile as we were leaving and we get into the car and my girls start cracking up -- I am true to form oblivious and am like what is so funny and they both bust out "that guy was flirting with you mom" I was like no he wasn't and they were like oh yes he was and you just totally blew him off. . . I felt terrible.

Third happened just last week. I was hurrying to meet my friend Simone for lunch at our favorite Indian restaurant. She was already inside. As I was coming up to the door, a rather attractive and age appropriate gentleman was coming out the door. He stopped when he saw me and smiled broadly and held the door, but he stood right in the doorway so I had to approach him directly face first. He smiled again and said, "Hello there, how are you today? I smile and say fine thank you and you, turning sideways and going past him he looks back and says something else about having a great day and stands there for a minute, long enough for Simone to notice, but I was dropping my purse and saying hi to her. When I sat down, she was like did you know him? And, I was like no why? And, she just shook her head and laughed and said, "I think he might have wanted to know a little more about you." The usual confused and baffled feeling came over me and I thought "ohhhhh"

And, I realized, I really need to pay a little more attention, quit not expecting someone to show interest in me and be a little more relaxed or open to the pass situation. . .
Consider that the obtuseness may be God's way of protecting you from things you would ultimately rather not experience...

Jun 15th new

Will it get your attention if he said, "Anthropogenic climate change is phooey. But, if I buy you a coffee, will you try to change my mind?"


Jun 15th new
No, I have a distinct weakness for glasses, due to (what else?) their age-old association with intellect. cool
"Make a pass" has for me a distinctly pejorative and sexual connotation---a remark directed at a person's physical appearance (or some attribute thereof) that makes clear you are looking to engage in "extracurricular activity".
Jun 15th new
When I saw the title and read your notes, i initially got the feeling that you when said make passes you meant that in a physical way which sorta defies the Catholic teaching. In today's fashion glasses are "hot to trot" if you looking to find it pass worth. Many people male and female wear non prescription glasses for the intellectual appearance and many wear colored contacts for different color eyes.

Every person has different tastes in physical appearance preferences but I would hope that a good honest and truly Catholic gentleman would refrain from making "passes" to whomever he may find attractive BUT knowing we are all human, it may happen from time to time and vice versa with the women.

I think when someone is practicing chastity and they get to know someone, sometimes glasses aren't going to matter. Further, there's very few people that before they die don't need a pair of glasses, even if it's reading glasses.

Not everyone see the beauty in each individual and beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.
Jun 15th new
(quote) Jerry-74383 said: Consider that the obtuseness may be God's way of protecting you from things you would ultimately rather not experience...

I suppose that could be the truth of it Jerry. . . or it could be I am just oblivious from being totally off the radar for thirty years lol. . .
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