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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

The Lone Impala

Jun 15th 2014 new
Do you ever wonder if only a widow/widower might get the journey we are on? I have many widow/widower friends. I work with many because of what I do. Many of the young widows tend to find a chapter two again by grieving with close friends of the spouse who is grieving also. In almost every situation, when the relationship turns to love, there is room for the the meories of the past and room to create memories together. I sometimes wonder what will happen if and when I find love again.

Consider for a moment. I have five children and was married a very long time. I do have pictures up, but I keep them out of my bedroom and the main floor of the house. How many is too many? What about the day of death and the birthday of my spouse. April is never my favorite month. Then throw in what I do for work. While I know that there is room, sometimes it seems as if I am a lone impala. Does this make sense?
Jun 15th 2014 new

I think the only people who "get it" are those who are widowed and those who are trained in counseling.

at this point I've been widowed nearly as long as I was married. All finished a lifetime ago.

Jun 15th 2014 new
Marge, that is the reason I work with these widows/widowers. Funny about that. I get stronger when I give of myself. It gives me a sense of purpose and meaning.
Jun 15th 2014 new
I also feel this way. I can't and I won't write Pete out of my life, more of my life was spent as his spouse than was spent without him. And, while I do not think that precludes another love, it does come with its own set of special draperies. The question that continuously spins around my head -- isn't where or how many pictures, or what to do about anniversaries but this one: Pete wished to be cremated and interred until I died and then he wanted his cremains reinterred with me. I intend to honor that request. But, how do you say that to someone and when do you say it?? Up front in the just getting to know each other phase, when you start settling into a comfortable and for all intents and purposes a longer than casual relationship, when they propose?

We have four kiddos, and he had relationships as long as and as strong as our own with my siblings and my mom and our friends. It is a big thing to come into, but it need not be a bad thing. I think there is a fine line with placing so much emphasis on the lost spouse that it in itself becomes an unnatural and unhealthy thing, while going the opposite direction and removing all trace of them is just as unnatural and unhealthy. The balance is in finding ways to speak of the dead normally and in memories, without allowing that to staunch the development of new memories of just as sweet a substance with a new love.


Jun 22nd 2014 new
Until today I felt really connected to my in-laws. They keep me involved in family matters and one brother-in-law is always calling to see what needs to be fixed. They are as much my family as my own. Or at least I thought so.

Bob's sister died last week and the obituary was just posted. He was listed as preceded in death and the living brother's wives are included. It feels like I've been alienated, but there is no way I would make a big deal about it to them. It's not about me and the family is grieving. It could just be an oversight but I've been in contact with all of her daughters. (We're the same age.) It feels awkward. Is this one more step in re-writing the address book?
Jun 22nd 2014 new
(quote) Kathy-635104 said: Until today I felt really connected to my in-laws. They keep me involved in family matters and one brother-in-law is always calling to see what needs to be fixed. They are as much my family as my own. Or at least I thought so.

Bob's sister died last week and the obituary was just posted. He was listed as preceded in death and the living brother's wives are included. It feels like I've been alienated, but there is no way I would make a big deal about it to them. It's not about me and the family is grieving. It could just be an oversight but I've been in contact with all of her daughters. (We're the same age.) It feels awkward. Is this one more step in re-writing the address book?
Oops, I forgot to say I am not listed.
Jun 22nd 2014 new
(quote) Kathy-635104 said: Oops, I forgot to say I am not listed.
hug rose

Maybe the obituary information was obtained from a grieving relative through Q&A by a newspaper employee or mortuary employee and the information just didn't surface because it wasn't asked right or something.
Jun 22nd 2014 new
(quote) Kathy-635104 said: Until today I felt really connected to my in-laws. They keep me involved in family matters and one brother-in-law is always calling to see what needs to be fixed. They are as much my family as my own. Or at least I thought so.

Bob's sister died last week and the obituary was just posted. He was listed as preceded in death and the living brother's wives are included. It feels like I've been alienated, but there is no way I would make a big deal about it to them. It's not about me and the family is grieving. It could just be an oversight but I've been in contact with all of her daughters. (We're the same age.) It feels awkward. Is this one more step in re-writing the address book?
Kathy,

Please, please do not take it as a slight. My son, our son, was left out of the obituary that ran in the local paper, which prompted a large number of people who knew us to ask each other not me lol if Josh wasn't Pete's son.

I didn't catch it until much later, when one of my friend's decided to mention it and let me know about everyone wondering about Josh. I called the paper and was told I could pay to have it rerun.

We have one son, the oldest and three daughters. Josh has been gone in the marine corps for almost ten years now. . . how he ended up not in the obit that ran in the paper I have no idea, because he was in the rough draft.

So please don't take it as a deliberate slight, or even that they consider you no longer family, because I would bet fifty dollars it is far more likely a simple error or a total mistake. And, minds are so clouded at that time, I barely remember what we talked about in those first few days and I am pretty sure I left some of Pete's family off but not on purpose.

Hugs!!!

Jun 22nd 2014 new
Thanks, Ladies.

I read that each new death causes us to grieve the others at a deeper level. I'm feeling it to tonight.
Jun 23rd 2014 new
I hope you would not mind if an annulled woman shares her views in this room.

My friend's relative had a widowed woman friend who married a another widow-er. When she died, I was able to read the obit. The obit which was made by the dead widow's children mentioned, "she was preceded in death by ..their father. The present husband was mentioned in the footnote. Is the second husband less than the first that he should just be a footnote in his present wife's obit?

This is one of the reasons that marrying a widow or widower , especially if he/she has grown children , can be quite daunting, so to speak.




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