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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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Hello Dear CM'ers,

I haven't posted a topic in a while so thought I'd post something light-hearted! I've recently had a good friend on CM meet his now-fiance and they are happily engaged and getting married in the near future. One of the first things he said when he had met her for the first time is that he just knew she was the right one. So....my question to you is....how will you know that that special person is the right one for you....this might mean different things to different people. Share!!! biggrin wave

Jun 23rd 2014 new

I don't think you do.

At least, I don't think women do; I think we tend to second-guess ourselves. And I think many men are just so anxious to marry that they don't think about things as deeply as the gals do.

OTHO, I do believe that we meet certain people and it is instantly obvious that they will be very important in our lives...or we in theirs.

Jun 23rd 2014 new
You'll know that that special person is the right one for you......when you're on your deathbed. Until then, it's all 'on spec'. :) (It occurs to me that Sophocles said the same thing: "Count no man happy until he has passed the final limit of his life secure from pain"). I write this, not actually bitterly, but a little ruefully, since I spent two years with someone whom I thought was most definitely the right person....only to be proved spectacularly wrong.
Jun 23rd 2014 new
(quote) Paul-1049651 said: You'll know that that special person is the right one for you......when you're on your deathbed. Until then, it's all 'on spec'. :) (It occurs to me that Sophocles said the same thing: "Count no man happy until he has passed the final limit of his life secure from pain").
I believe I agree.
Jun 23rd 2014 new
(quote) Paul-1049651 said: I spent two years with someone whom I thought was most definitely the right person....only to be proved spectacularly wrong.
That's the thing. I had a boyfriend I was firmly convinced was the one too. Had things worked out, I would have gone around saying, "Oh you just know when you meet the one!" I certainly thought we'd be married from the very first moment I saw him, and the more time we spent together, the more I liked him. But honestly, you can "just know" something and be totally wrong. If you're wrong, you only find out in hindsight. If things do work out, it can feel like you always knew, when really you knew no such thing. You just thought you knew and weren't disappointed, lucky you. Sigh.
Jun 23rd 2014 new
(quote) Jean-504066 said: That's the thing. I had a boyfriend I was firmly convinced was the one too. Had things worked out, I would have gone around saying, "Oh you just know when you meet the one!" I certainly thought we'd be married from the very first moment I saw him, and the more time we spent together, the more I liked him. But honestly, you can "just know" something and be totally wrong. If you're wrong, you only find out in hindsight. If things do work out, it can feel like you always knew, when really you knew no such thing. You just thought you knew and weren't disappointed, lucky you. Sigh.
This is so true. I think many of us of a certain age have "just known." And been totally wrong. There must be a lesson in there somewhere....
Jun 23rd 2014 new
(quote) Nessa-1054423 said: Hello Dear CM'ers,

I haven't posted a topic in a while so thought I'd post something light-hearted! I've recently had a good friend on CM meet his now-fiance and they are happily engaged and getting married in the near future. One of the first things he said when he had met her for the first time is that he just knew she was the right one. So....my question to you is....how will you know that that special person is the right one for you....this might mean different things to different people. Share!!!

Firstly congratulations to your friend and her fiance, Nessa! It makes me happy to hear there are some new success stories on CM.

But, you know I've always wondered about this idea of just knowing that someone is the right person, is "the one". I feel like I've been hearing this my entire life, for 36 years, by some couples that are seemingly happy and in love and have been together forever and those couples who could have sworn that their significant other was "the one" when they were dating/courting/married only to be proven otherwise. I often wonder about this because this phenomenon, whether successful or not, has seemed to have happened to every other adult around me, this mutual, reciprocated love and surety of 'knowing' that one's significant other is the right person.

But for me, I honestly don't believe this has ever occurred to me, where I knew someone was right for me and I for him. I thought I was 'in love' with a man once or twice throughout my life, but that feeling always turned out to not be shared. And similarly I've had a guy or two think that i'm right for him though I wasn't feeling it in the least. I guess what I'm getting at is, is it possible to never 'fall in love' and never meet the one? And what does it really mean to 'fall in love' any darn way...? I guess if I'm being truthful, I have next to no experience with the love of a man for me and I for him (the notion of 'eros' in the pentad of the types of love mentioned in the Bible/borrowed from the Greek interpretation?).

And though I feel as though I can 'read' people pretty well in all other areas of life, with 'love' and finding the right one there must be something wrong with me keeping me perpetually single. Anyone else going through this? I don't know how to explain my overwhelming desire to be a wife and mother, for my (unfortunate?) destiny, quite frankly has left me wholly clueless in how I would know if someone I met was "the one". Not to diminish the lightheartedness you were going for, but at my age having never known this feeling to even exist, I'd say finding "the one" then is just a fairy tale to me, a legend moreso that I can neither prove nor disprove...

Jun 24th 2014 new
(quote) Paul-1049651 said: You'll know that that special person is the right one for you......when you're on your deathbed. Until then, it's all 'on spec'. :) (It occurs to me that Sophocles said the same thing: "Count no man happy until he has passed the final limit of his life secure from pain"). I write this, not actually bitterly, but a little ruefully, since I spent two years with someone whom I thought was most definitely the right person....only to be proved spectacularly wrong.
Paul said, "You'll know that that special person is the right one for you......when you're on your deathbed. Until then, it's all 'on spec'. :)"

Well, that sounds just a tad too cynical for me but I understand it. In some respects, I have matured from believing in "the one" to "the one I choose to be the one." Make sense? Ha. I guess if you are going to walk down the aisle and commit your lives to each other, you better think they are the one you are to be with from then on forward, otherwise, that will make an unhappy marriage. In my Protestant days, so many people talked about waiting for "the one" or waiting for "God's best." But the thing that always bothered me about that is what if you mess up? What if you pass on "God's best" for whatever reason, and so you get second best, but then you have taken someone else's best, and the guy who was supposed to be my best is now someone else's second best or maybe possibly alone for the rest of his life and miserable because I chose wrongly. I am so glad I got over that silly thinking.

Paul also said, " I write this, not actually bitterly, but a little ruefully, since I spent two years with someone whom I thought was most definitely the right person....only to be proved spectacularly wrong."

:-( I haven't exactly BTDT but I have been in dating relationships I was sure was "meant to be" only to have it fall apart. Prayers for you. And possibly it wasn't you, but she just wasn't ready or willing to do what she needed to do to make the relationship work. For me, that falls under the category of "things I plan to ask God when I get to Heaven but will probably not care about once in His presence." I always say I am going to ask God such and such and then I laugh because I think I won't care by then.
Jun 24th 2014 new
(quote) Kimberlie-1059215 said: I have matured from believing in "the one" to "the one I choose to be the one." 
This is so true, Kimberlie! I'm not looking for "the one" or "God's best," just a good man I can make my #1! smile
Jun 24th 2014 new
Love is a choice, I firmly believe that. I don't believe there is "the one" and in fact there are many people you could find love with if you give it time and effort. Think about all the qualities we look for in a mate: kind, faithful, charming, good looking, etc. Whatever traits you are looking for, it's interesting that when you think about it none of them are exclusive to one person. You can find multiple people with all the qualities you desire. Sure it takes effort, but it's not like we're floating through life hoping to run into one and only one person on the entire planet that matches up with what we want.

So what makes one of those people jump out as "the one"? To me it's not a mystery equation or magic feeling, it's making a commitment to one of them because you truly believe they will make you a better person and bring you closer to heaven. You have to give someone a chance to develop a close relationship with them, and if they have everything you want love will develop. Once it does it's your choice to make it unconditional and say okay, I will sacrifice and do everything I can to make this work because I believe that it's right.

Like Kimberlie bascially said, you know it's the one when you decide it's the one. And unfortunately many good relationships are lost because someone thought it was more having butterflies in their stomach than all the good qualities and experiences they might see in someone. I don't plan on making that mistake, when I see someone who makes me better and has everything I'm looking for I plan to put in the work to make it work. That is to say, I'll decide that I love that person, no mystery feeling in the pit of my stomach is gonna decide that for me.


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