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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
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Character Versus Charm

Jun 23rd 2014 new

In a reply to another post here in the Divorced Room, I said its important tell the difference between character and charm. when starting a relationship. Someone wrote me and asked me how I could tell the difference. ( Answer: still working on it) The only way I know to find true character is to encounter a problem and watch how a person handles it. . What other strategies do you use?


B




Jun 23rd 2014 new
That's a good one. Another may be who the person surrounds himself/herself with. Over time, if that person is true to their word, treats others with respect, and doesn't spend too much time in excessive flattery trying to "butter you up" constantly. A person can be charming and sincere, and that is ok!
Jun 24th 2014 new
(quote) Monnie-1050990 said:

In a reply to another post here in the Divorced Room, I said its important tell the difference between character and charm. when starting a relationship. Someone wrote me and asked me how I could tell the difference. ( Answer: still working on it) The only way I know to find true character is to encounter a problem and watch how a person handles it. . What other strategies do you use?


B




Beware of the those who use people for their own advancement. They may come in the guise of a friend. Their objective is not to benefit you nor the Kingdom of God. Rather it is a vain, self-serving and destructive ambition.
Jun 24th 2014 new
Charm - what you do when she is watching you.
Character - what you do when she isn't.





__________
two cents - on a good day
Jun 24th 2014 new
(quote) Jack-752986 said: Charm - what you do when she is watching you.
Character - what you do when she isn't.





__________
- on a good day
What Jack said. thumbsup
Jun 25th 2014 new
One indication I consider is how a person treats those who presumably cannot do anything for him: the elderly, children, a harried driver in the next lane, the checker at the supermarket, the homeless man who asks for change. Does he accord all these others the dignity they deserve as fellow children of God?
Also, does he take responsibility for his actions, past and present? Does he own his mistakes without blaming others and demonstrate how he has learned from those mistakes? A charmer who is solely concerned with another's impression of him will not consistently pass these tests.



Jun 25th 2014 new
(quote) Nicole-911816 said: One indication I consider is how a person treats those who presumably cannot do anything for him: the elderly, children, a harried driver in the next lane, the checker at the supermarket, the homeless man who asks for change. Does he accord all these others the dignity they deserve as fellow children of God?
Also, does he take responsibility for his actions, past and present? Does he own his mistakes without blaming others and demonstrate how he has learned from those mistakes? A charmer who is solely concerned with another's impression of him will not consistently pass these tests.



Great reply, Nicole.
Jul 1st 2014 new
(quote) Nicole-911816 said: One indication I consider is how a person treats those who presumably cannot do anything for him: the elderly, children, a harried driver in the next lane, the checker at the supermarket, the homeless man who asks for change. Does he accord all these others the dignity they deserve as fellow children of God?
Also, does he take responsibility for his actions, past and present? Does he own his mistakes without blaming others and demonstrate how he has learned from those mistakes? A charmer who is solely concerned with another's impression of him will not consistently pass these tests.



You are spot-on! Charm is a major trait of the Narcissist, whereas character isn't...
Jul 6th 2014 new
(quote) Nicole-911816 said: One indication I consider is how a person treats those who presumably cannot do anything for him: the elderly, children, a harried driver in the next lane, the checker at the supermarket, the homeless man who asks for change. Does he accord all these others the dignity they deserve as fellow children of God?
Also, does he take responsibility for his actions, past and present? Does he own his mistakes without blaming others and demonstrate how he has learned from those mistakes? A charmer who is solely concerned with another's impression of him will not consistently pass these tests.



Yes, and does he/she direct everything back to themselves? "Look at me; I opened the door for these ladies..." ad nauseam.
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