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This room is for general discussion that doesn't specifically fit into one of the other CatholicMatch rooms. Topics should not be overly serious as this is to be more of a "cafe setting."

Saint Peter's Square was created so that more people could be in the presence of the Pope and was named after Saint Peter, one of Jesus's apostles.
Learn More: Saint Peter

Would you........

Jun 24th new
I have a question for the women of CM and would only like a "women to respond". One of the main reasons for my decision to move south and start completely over is my house. I current have a 4 bedroom 3 bath home with a separate "in-law apartment" on the Lake Huron. With the passing of my wife 18 months ago, we did hospice in our home and she died in our bed, I never left her side a night because I new it gave her comfort, my question is could you as women live in this house and share the bedroom knowing what took place there? i am really curious on what kind of responses I will receive.
Jun 24th new
Kevin,
It looks like I am the 1st to reply, and will be going against your request for "women only". Your post caught my eye as I am in the same boat, and will share what I did. My wife, too, died in our bedroom, and after her death, I repainted, and purchased an all-new bedroom set, including mattress. As the home is paid off, I love where I live, and the fenced in yard is convenient for my two dogs, I expect to remain in this house for the foreseeable future. In talking with my deceased wife's siblings, they recommended that I repaint and buy new, so that's where I am at.....
Fran

Jun 24th new
(quote) Kevin-975826 said: I have a question for the women of CM and would only like a "women to respond". One of the main reasons for my decision to move south and start completely over is my house. I current have a 4 bedroom 3 bath home with a separate "in-law apartment" on the Lake Huron. With the passing of my wife 18 months ago, we did hospice in our home and she died in our bed, I never left her side a night because I new it gave her comfort, my question is could you as women live in this house and share the bedroom knowing what took place there? i am really curious on what kind of responses I will receive.
I am sorry for the pain you both went through. No, I don't believe it would bother me, being in the same bedroom where they died but I haven't experienced this situation before. God bless and keep you both.
Jun 24th new
(quote) Meg-920823 said: I am sorry for the pain you both went through. No, I don't believe it would bother me, being in the same bedroom where they died but I haven't experienced this situation before. God bless and keep you both.
It just hit me; I think I would feel a reverence for the room.
Jun 24th new
(quote) Kevin-975826 said: I have a question for the women of CM and would only like a "women to respond". One of the main reasons for my decision to move south and start completely over is my house. I current have a 4 bedroom 3 bath home with a separate "in-law apartment" on the Lake Huron. With the passing of my wife 18 months ago, we did hospice in our home and she died in our bed, I never left her side a night because I new it gave her comfort, my question is could you as women live in this house and share the bedroom knowing what took place there? i am really curious on what kind of responses I will receive.
I don't think it would bother me. Like Fran said, a little makeover might not hurt. Homes are where life and death happen.

My husband died in an adjoining room to our bedroom where I had a hospital bed set up for a year before his death. He was in hospice for 4 months before he passed. Now I am using it as a computer room.
Jun 24th new
There is a related question to this, would you be comfortable moving into the same house in which your future husband lived with his wife? Does it make any difference if the wife died in the house, died elsewhere, or divorced?

My impression is that many new couples buy a new home together, perhaps to leave behind all the baggage of the old houses, or perhaps to find one that better suits their needs and taste.

From a financial standpoint, to move costs about ten percent of the value of a house, so moving is expensive. Like a lot of people my age, I live in a decent house in a nice town, and it's paid for, so why move? Maybe to be closer to kids, I suppose.

Richard
Jun 24th new
Hi Kevin! You pose an interesting question. To me, I don't think I would have a problem with it. Had it been a violent death, I don't know that I could, but knowing she was surrounded by love where she was comfortable, it would definitely make me more open to the prospect.
Jun 24th new

I would not want to live there, but here is why: you need to move on and get over her death. Living in the same place with a new love will not help you to do this. (A CM success couple I know is suffering from the husband still being in mourning for his first wife...10 years later. Unfair to wife #2.)

I continued to live in the home my husband died in for a full 9 years. I think it delayed my recovery. Once you have gotten past your grief, you'll be ready for a new lady and a new home.

hug rose

Jun 24th new
Believe it or not I have moved on and the house is going away. Our marriage failed about 8yrs before her death, but I never considered divorcing her because of all other medical conditions that were present, I was curious on the responses I would receive. Reguardless of our marriage, I felt it was still my duty as her husband to be their for her "sickness and in health"
Jun 24th new
HI Kevin,

I don't think it would bother me with an exception -- if the entire house had to remain as it was and there was no room for my personality or favorite things that would bother me.

I purchased a home after my husband died, so he has never been here. I put our bed in the guest room and bought a new bedroom set. We had greatly downsized everything and were living with my daughter and son-in-law to help them out with renovations on their little house -- because I was about to finish my PhD and we didn't know where we would be going and all of our kiddos are grown, so it was an exciting time for us, planning and dreaming a little and just enjoying not having all the responsibilities of lots of stuff.

I love my house and Pete would probably be hating it lol. . . white leather furniture and a chaise in red leather instead of a broken down old recliner lol. . . but that's okay.

I have a question in return. Pete's wish was to be cremated and interred until I passed and then to have his cremains buried with me. I intend to honor that and the children know that he wished this and I intend to honor that. So, how would a fella feel about that?
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