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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
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I have been widowed for quite some time, but I did wait a year before dating again to make sure I worked through much of my grief. I know grief has a different timetable for each person, although we all experience the same stages. What do you feel is a good timetable after the death of a spouse that someone should be ready for a new relationship?
Jun 24th 2014 new
Everything that I have read and heard indicates that grief is completely individual, so a hard and fast rule makes no sense. I remember sitting in a grief group, and noticing that I was not as torn up as most of the other people. My biggest issue turned out to be anger at my wife's kids, who treated me very badly while she was dying. One of them is still not talking to me. It took a few months, and a visit to the confessional, to let that anger go.

Even though I did not wait a year to start dating, in hindsight I should have waited longer than I did. The year is probably a good general rule, and one probably should not start too much earlier than that, even if the grief has largely subsided.

Richard




Jun 24th 2014 new

Wait until you can make it through an entire evening without talking about your lost one.

It takes longer than you think.

Jun 24th 2014 new
I waited just short of two years, which felt about right, but yes, it's individual.
Jun 24th 2014 new
I think this is an individual decision. I haven't actually had a date since I decided to be open to it. Just waiting for someone to show mutual interest. It will be 2 years July 10 that my husband died. I thought I had worked through many of my grief issues, yet I find myself becoming quite anxious as the date draws near. Not sure what's up with that.
Jun 24th 2014 new
Grief is a very personal experience, I do not believe there is any timetable. Only the person themselves can make that determination.I think that many people judge others for "dating too soon" A friend of mine who lost his wife 3 months after my wife died, Started dating within 3 or 4 months, many of the people at his church chastised for this.His wife had been bed ridden for almost two years before she died and he had become her caregiver more than husband as he put it. I told him only he and he alone could make that determination.I know I judged my father in law for getting married a year after his wife died. After connie died , I realized that I should not judge anyone for dating too soon.
For me the I waited a little over a year and a half before considering it. Being a widower has made much more circumspect about telling others it is too soon.
Jun 24th 2014 new
This is a good question. I tentatively dated some a little over a year after, but my heart wasn't really in it. It is now a little over two years and I feel much more ready for dating.

But, one of my friend's mother remarried within six months, and another friend who was widowed remarried less than two years after her husband's death, and she has now been widowed a second time.

And, it is okay to just date, go our for dinner, have a lunch date and not expect yourself to think beyond that at the moment. You'll know when the rhythm is right and you aren't second guessing yourself. Hugs!
Jun 24th 2014 new
Thanks everyone for the responses. I should have been a little clearer. I wasn't asking for myself as I have been widowed many years, but felt I needed to ask this question to get opinions since there are many out there who are recently widowed. I feel that sometimes people want to fill that void by jumping into another relationship before letting the wound heal enough. I think it's very important to work through the grief process before dating again, whatever that timetable may be.
Jun 24th 2014 new
(quote) Marge-938695 said:

Wait until you can make it through an entire evening without talking about your lost one.

It takes longer than you think.

Marge, I totally agree.
Jun 26th 2014 new
It's all up to you.When you feel comforyt
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