Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free

info: Please Sign Up or Sign In to continue.

A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

When is it time to give up??

Jun 29th 2014 new

I have been single for last 7 years and can't seem to make a connection with anyone. I always get stuck in the friend zone. When do you know it is time to give up and start accepting being single for the rest of my life?


Jun 29th 2014 new
I don't think that it is random that some people don't get married. There is a reason for it, especially in our society where marriage is socially expected. I agree that some people perhaps are not suited for or called to marriage.

It could be that there is a specific issue that is putting you in this situation. Maybe it is time for some kind of counseling, psychological or otherwise. Some of the kinds of things that could possibly be happening would be fear of commitment, or self-sabotage. Maybe there is some hangover from your childhood or a previous relationship which is causing you problems. I am not sure if there are specific counselors for people in your situation, but perhaps if you look you might find some.

Also, nobody wants to spend time with somebody who is depressed or discouraged. Maybe that is part of the story. Of course, there are treatments for depression, and most other mental or psychological problems.

My two cents,
Richard





Jun 29th 2014 new
(quote) Kevin-308802 said:

I have been single for last 7 years and can't seem to make a connection with anyone. I always get stuck in the friend zone. When do you know it is time to give up and start accepting being single for the rest of my life?


I realized it was a hopeless cause about halfway through my third subscription. It helps me to think that I am some sort of hideous Elephant Man or that women can smell the loser desperation emanating from me.
Jun 29th 2014 new
I think there's a big difference between giving up completely and accepting you might be single forever. You can come to terms with being single, and I think that's important regardless of if you're actively dating or not. I don't want to be trying to find a relationship because I feel I desperately need it to be happy. I want a relationship because it could make me a better person, I can raise a family, and because I think I'm being called to that vocation by God. I would go as far to say that I think one should be completely okay with being single forever to be truly ready to be in a relationship. Because if you're not, there's going to be an element of desperation that can cloud your judgement. It's hard and maybe nobody ever gets there, but striving to live a good single life is always a wise idea in my opinion.

For now I'm trying my best to live like that might never happen. Focusing on my life, my work, my faith, etc. But just because I'm focused on living like I'll be single forever doesn't mean I want to be single forever and it doesn't mean I will be single forever. I am working to be ready when if it happens, but still be in a good place if it doesn't.


Jun 29th 2014 new
(quote) Kevin-308802 said:

I have been single for last 7 years and can't seem to make a connection with anyone. I always get stuck in the friend zone. When do you know it is time to give up and start accepting being single for the rest of my life?


I hear your discouragement, Kevin, but just because you have been single the last 7 years does not mean it is time to abandon all hope. You can concentrate on making your life as a single as fulfilling as possible and still maintain the dream. You never know what the future holds. smile

Jun 29th 2014 new

Kevin, looking at your profile, you state "No" to papal infallibility and contraception. Many women here on CM would rather date a gentleman who answers "Yes" to all 7 of the Catholic belief statements. Also, on your "Ideal Match" section there are a couple of negative and/or self-deprecating statements. One of the statements sounds as if you apologize for your opinion/your view and the other sounds like desperation and a lack of self confidence.

I approach CM as if I am interviewing for a job-I would never apologize in an interview for giving an answer to a question or when asked of my opinion and I would never make self deprecating statements. I approach the CM profile as my "elevator speech" (in a job interview) when asked, "So, tell me about yourself". Why would anyone apologize for their self-description and for their opinions/views?

Sell yourself. Talk about your features and add some "wow factor". Talk about the value you provide when compared to cost. Talk about the benefits you can provide-how will you make the woman's life better? Generate excitement. Make women want to be with you and not just have them window shop by marketing yourself to potential takers.

Jun 29th 2014 new
(quote) Richard-831657 said: I don't think that it is random that some people don't get married. There is a reason for it, especially in our society where marriage is socially expected. I agree that some people perhaps are not suited for or called to marriage.

It could be that there is a specific issue that is putting you in this situation. Maybe it is time for some kind of counseling, psychological or otherwise. Some of the kinds of things that could possibly be happening would be fear of commitment, or self-sabotage. Maybe there is some hangover from your childhood or a previous relationship which is causing you problems. I am not sure if there are specific counselors for people in your situation, but perhaps if you look you might find some.

Also, nobody wants to spend time with somebody who is depressed or discouraged. Maybe that is part of the story. Of course, there are treatments for depression, and most other mental or psychological problems.

My two cents,
Richard





With all respect and believing in your good intent, Richard, I think that you have leapt to premature assumptions. Of course, we could ALL benefit from help with our intimacy quest (and other personal issues). I neither see the basis or the helpfulness of your suggestion at this time. An expression of feeling discouraged about relationships doesn't immediately translate into depression; rather a life transition issue to ponder to me.

Jun 29th 2014 new

^^^THIS.
Jun 29th 2014 new
clap Very wise.
Jun 29th 2014 new
(quote) Bridget-884672 said:

Kevin, looking at your profile, you state "No" to papal infallibility and contraception. Many women here on CM would rather date a gentleman who answers "Yes" to all 7 of the Catholic belief statements. Also, on your "Ideal Match" section there are a couple of negative and/or self-deprecating statements. One of the statements sounds as if you apologize for your opinion/your view and the other sounds like desperation and a lack of self confidence.

I approach CM as if I am interviewing for a job-I would never apologize in an interview for giving an answer to a question or when asked of my opinion and I would never make self deprecating statements. I approach the CM profile as my "elevator speech" (in a job interview) when asked, "So, tell me about yourself". Why would anyone apologize for their self-description and for their opinions/views?

Sell yourself. Talk about your features and add some "wow factor". Talk about the value you provide when compared to cost. Talk about the benefits you can provide-how will you make the woman's life better? Generate excitement. Make women want to be with you and not just have them window shop by marketing yourself to potential takers.

Specifically....

^^^THIS.
Posts 1 - 10 of 64