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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Jul 3rd 2014 new
(quote) Kevin-975826 said: In today's world, I guess it is necessary thing to do. Everybody makes mistakes, but it would give some sense of security to do it.
Yes. I agree that everyone makes mistakes. It is important that people be honest with each other before things are found out by accident or by background checks. No honesty = no trust IMHO.
Jul 3rd 2014 new
(quote) Maria-1022025 said: I found myself have a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine today regarding dating and background checks. In the world we live in today it is very difficult to know if someone is being completely honest when you date them about their pasts- Now I do not know about anyone else, but I feel that background checks are appropriate especially at the point where you start getting emotionally vested into a relationship. Past experiences dating have also taught me that this is a valuable asset when bringing someone around family, friends, children, etc.

I am interested to hear what everyone has to say about this---
I never thought of this, but it sure could prove to be a good idea. (I would only do it if I had serious suspicions about her.) Yet, as I'm sure you'll agree, by no means do background checks reveal everything you would like to know. Lots of terrible personal deeds are not always registered in the public records.
Jul 5th 2014 new
Here's something that I don't think has been mentioned, but I would consider bringing it up with my potential wife and that background checks be done on both of us.
Jul 5th 2014 new
(quote) Tom-54311 said: Don't check my background! Nothing to see here.
Now you're sounding like Obama. Sorry, I just couldn't resist. laughing Nothing to see here folks. Move along. Move along.

Ed

Jul 5th 2014 new

Maybe, if you have been courting for a while, and are considering and praying about an engagement, or if there is a significant red fag that suggest financial infidelity towards and ex, or parents.

In other cases, I would say no. The last two girls I me,t and courted from Catholic Match both lived over one hundred miles away from where I live. When you add up the cost of gas, dinner, and ice cream, or coffee/tea afterwards, I was spending about one hundred dollars per date. For me that is a significant sacrifice/commitment.

To add on top of that, fifty, to seventy-five dollars, to run a complete background check, form my perspective, would imprudent, and reckless. Especially if it were early in the courtship process; what Kerry Cronin what call level one dating.

Eventually, after several months, if become engaged is something right around the corner, then sure. But when it comes to doing a background check before the first date, or after the first date, I would recommend using prudent stewardship.

Jul 5th 2014 new
(quote) Josephine-586127 said: YES-DO. Especially if you don't have very good and long standing mutual friends.
How come it matters if the mutual friends have been standing for a long time ? smile
Jul 5th 2014 new
(quote) Juan-1022000 said: I never thought of this, but it sure could prove to be a good idea. (I would only do it if I had serious suspicions about her.) Yet, as I'm sure you'll agree, by no means do background checks reveal everything you would like to know. Lots of terrible personal deeds are not always registered in the public records.
There are places that will do lie detector tests; some people say this is key if there has been an addiction issue in the past. An addiction of course often would not have an arrest or criminal record associated with it.
Jul 5th 2014 new
I have thought about this, but concluded that I am better off focusing on getting to know the person better.

Note that the internet is your friend. Type in the person's name and city, and see what comes up.

I should note, however, that my sister was robbed by someone she met on the internet, so some care is appropriate. She is/was too trusting, wants to see the best in everyone. She trusted someone she hardly knew, a risky practice. Not sure if a background check would have identified this guy or not, but I think that he may have a pattern of this.

However, sometimes something just smells a bit fishy, and at that time a background check might seem like a great idea. I could see also, with an LDR, your face time with the potential partner is necessarily limited, and so perhaps a background check would be appropriate as a supplement.

I think that a credit check would tell you a lot. If somebody's life is a mess, or they have addictions or poor impulse control, I would think that it would show up on the credit check. Insurance companies use credit checks, and have the statistics to show that people with bad credit have more auto accidents and claims than folks with good credit. Of course, someone with credit problems could be OK, maybe they had a run of bad luck, or didn't learn about money as a young person. Perhaps they are a bit of a spendthrift, in which case money management is something that would have to be worked out before marriage.

Sometimes I have a winners and losers view of life; people who are successful in one area are often successful in other areas, while people who have problems in one area may have problems in many areas. Another example is that people with more education tend to have fewer divorces, live longer, and have better health.

Individuals who had dropped out of high school were 6.34 times more likely to develop alcohol abuse or dependence than were individuals with a college degree. American Journal of Public Health. The same article also indicated the people who completed college had less than half the levels of alcohol abuse compared to people who went to college but did not finish.

I should probably write a paper about this. There are so many studies showing all kinds of correlations between seemingly dissimilar areas, supporting the concept that success in one area of someone's life, correlates with success in other areas.

Richard






Jul 5th 2014 new
(quote) Kevin-40666 said: How come it matters if the mutual friends have been standing for a long time ?
OK. Ya got me there. It wouldn't be the first time I worded something poorly.

Maybe I should have said "Especially if you don't have very good and old mutual friends." LOL. Is that better?
Jul 5th 2014 new
Be sure to question their most annoying relative or friend. That person is most likely to mention details about your date others would avoid saying.
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