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Saint Vitus is the patron saint of actors, comedians, dancers, and of entertainers in general.
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Gotta Love This Lawyer!

Jul 5th 2014 new
Just emailed to me by a family member.....
>
> A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client who
> lost his house in Hurricane Katrina and wanted to rebuild.
> He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove
> satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered
> as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803,
> which took the Lawyer three months to track down.
>
> After sending the information to the FHA, he received the
> following reply.
>
> (Actual letter):
> "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we
> note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title.
>
> While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and
> presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared
> title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final
> approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to
> its origin."
>
> Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows.
>
> (Actual Letter)
> "Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note
> that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered
> by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in
> this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not
> know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803,
> the year of origin identified in our application.
>
> For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land
> prior to U.S.ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired
> it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of
> Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain
> named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of
> seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good
> queen, Isabella,being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles
> as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope
> before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the
> Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the
> Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world.
>
> Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of
> the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin
> and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as
> we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be
> satisfactory. Now, may we have our darn loan?"
>
> He got the loan.



Jul 5th 2014 new
laughing laughing laughing

I don't know whether the letter is real, but if so it pre-dates Katrina by at least a decade (when I first saw it circulating on the Internet).

Jul 5th 2014 new

Love the sharp wit and verbal brilliance. clap

Jul 5th 2014 new
laughing laughing
Jul 5th 2014 new
(quote) Paul-1049651 said: > Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows.
>
> (Actual Letter)
> "Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note
> that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered
> by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in
> this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not
> know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803,
> the year of origin identified in our application.
>
> For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land
> prior to U.S.ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired
> it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of
> Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain
> named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of
> seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good
> queen, Isabella,being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles
> as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope
> before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the
> Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the
> Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world.
>
> Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of
> the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin
> and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as
> we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be
> satisfactory



thank you Paul .... great reminder of presenting case who is infallible and fallible ...
Jul 6th 2014 new
(quote) Jerry-74383 said:

I don't know whether the letter is real, but if so it pre-dates Katrina by at least a decade (when I first saw it circulating on the Internet).

I guess it was refurbished at some point to make it more contemporary. What the hey!
Jul 6th 2014 new

The Deaf Italian Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper of 20 years, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00. Guido is deaf which is why he got the job in the first place.
The Godfather assumed that since Guido could not hear anything, he could never testify in court.When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million,
He takes along his personal lawyer because he knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house in NJ."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."


Jul 6th 2014 new
(quote) Paul-1049651 said:

The Deaf Italian Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper of 20 years, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00. Guido is deaf which is why he got the job in the first place.
The Godfather assumed that since Guido could not hear anything, he could never testify in court.When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million,
He takes along his personal lawyer because he knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house in NJ."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."


laughing laughing laughing
Jul 6th 2014 new
If one looks, one can find many lawyer jokes... scratchchin

Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50
A: Senator


Jul 6th 2014 new

A Charlotte, North Carolina lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire, among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost in a series of small fires. The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued ... and WON! (Stay with me here.)

In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer "held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers AwardContest.

Only in America! No wonder the Third World countries think we are nuts :-)


www.berro.com

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