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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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The Blame Game

Jul 14th new

Regrettably each and everyone of us on here has had our heart broken at one time or another. And, apparently, some of those wounds are still fresh because I've seen some men and women on these forums including myself so I'm not pointing fingers, venting about their success on CM or lack thereof. I've seen some comments where essentially the theme is that "Men Are Dogs" or "Women Are Too Much Work". I don't like it. I don't like it when people make generalizations about groups especially when they're claiming to be devout Catholics who are dedicated to their faith. Nobody is perfect and none of us would ever be able to honestly admit to being infallible, but reading some of these comments honestly is a turn-off for me as I'm sure that it is with others as well.

There have been some women on here that I initially took interest in, but after reading some of their posts I honestly had no interest in communicating with them for a myriad of reasons. For one thing, I don't think that some men and women on here should honestly be on this dating website let alone any dating website because they're obviously not over a past relationship, engagement, marriage, etc. I know that some people have friends that sign them up or put pressure on them to "move on" from being single and urge them to get back out in the dating world so they join Catholic Match, Ave Maria, eHarmony, etc. and the thing is that they're not ready. IMHO you shouldn't be on a dating website if you're not totally committed 100% in your heart.

I just think that it's wrong when some women start comparing me to an ex especially when they haven't even taken the time to get to know me and who I am. We may have some things in common, but I'm not your ex. Someone once told me that the problem with living in the past is that there's no future in it. Sometimes people have a hard time letting go of their past and it's good men like me who are sometimes the unfortunate recipients of negative feelings that are intended to be directed at someone else who is no longer in the picture to be affected.

I believe that men and women are equal. Different, but equal. And as many times in the past that I've had my heart broken, I never lashed out at all women or made generalizations against all of them because one of them done me wrong. It's fine to joke about men and women if it's playful and done in good taste, but the problem is that it often gets personal and that's when the generalizations start coming up. "Well, that's a man for ya!" "What do you expect from a woman?" "You're surprised that men are idiots?" "Must be that time of the month again." These are just a few of the things that I've heard from both men and women and shame on the people who have said these things especially coming from Catholics and Christians who should know better.

Pointing is rude. Pointing fingers isn't much better. If you wish to be mired in your negativity, you're certainly entitled to do that, but I wish to be no part of it. If you're unhappy because you haven't found love after being on a website for almost a decade, perhaps the problem isn't men or women, but staring back at you in the mirror. Maybe you need to focus on self-improvement before making judgments against others and how they live their lives. To be fair, sometimes it takes longer for some of us to find love, but I think that there's a distinction to be made between people who wait a long time yet remain positive and optimistic versus those who wait a long time and spend most of it being very negative and jaded when others find happiness.

There are many success stories on Catholic Match, but by no means is there a guarantee that you will find love or marriage here. All we can do is the best that we can and I think that it is great when we use the forums to help one another and come together as a community. That is what I have tried to do here during my time at CM and although I haven't always succeeded, I sincerely have tried more often than not to accomplish that goal. I hope that what I said makes sense. Thank you for listening.

Jul 14th new
"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. - Yoda
Silliness aside, it is never a good thing to go into a relationship with unresolved issues. You might as well say, "Here is my laundry from the past ten years. Could you wash it for me?"
Jul 14th new
You made several valid points, Jeffrey. I can hear your frustration at other people judging you based on their own past experiences. Just remember, other people's anger, hurt, cynicism is about them, not you. I have found that by depersonalizing other's unhappiness, I remain in a good place! biggrin
Jul 14th new

I posted this about people being negative and blaming others for not getting what they want out of life. I think this deserves to be posted again:

So things aren't working out for you? You got the blues? Life right now basically is not a happy place to be? Then....

Do something about it! Have you ever heard of the definition of insanity? If not, here it is: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

If you followed your plan for a certain period of time and you aren't getting the results you want, then change something. The disappointing results will remain the same by doing the same thing over and over if you don't change. Don't ask other people to change-the only person you can change is YOU. Life is too short to cry in your beer. Dry your tears, throw out negative thoughts from your life. Have a session with a life coach or a spiritual counselor. Find your passion and LIVE IT.

When folks start venting and complaining on the forums of how bad things are for them and about their disappointments and they are unable to move forward with changes, my reaction is this:

Well, if that attitude, you don't sound like a fun date. With all that anger, frustration and complaining, I do not want to have a date with you. Even if we were a good match, I do not want to be with you. Your negativity would contaminate the otherwise fun and carefree day we would have. Go find some solutions to fix what is wrong in your world. When things are fixed and solutions are in place, then we can talk. Your negativity repels people; it doesn't draw people to yourself.

When people make positive changes, they draw positive energy and positive people into their world.

Jul 14th new
(quote) Joseph-1096406 said: You might as well say, "Here is my laundry from the past ten years. Could you wash it for me?"
A great simile, Joseph. You get a Gold Star! Obi-Wan has taught you well. wink
Jul 14th new
(quote) Dan-1002097 said: A great simile, Joseph. Obi-Wan has taught you well.
Quips aside, though, it is good that CM...beyond being a dating site... can also be a place of transition, helping those still trying to work away from a difficult past experience. I imagine the forums and other community aspects can help with that. I would not say to anyone in such a situation that they don't belong here. Put a hold on dating, perhaps, but still participate.
Jul 16th new
(quote) Jeffrey-1077864 said:

There are many success stories on Catholic Match, but by no means is there a guarantee that you will find love or marriage here. All we can do is the best that we can and I think that it is great when we use the forums to help one another and come together as a community. That is what I have tried to do here during my time at CM and although I haven't always succeeded, I sincerely have tried more often than not to accomplish that goal. I hope that what I said makes sense. Thank you for listening.

nice OP Jeffrey ..... oh darn/such just when I thought I met the man .... ok, maybe that was just wishful thinking/dreaming on my part ..... I had the impression there was some kind of guarantee of some sort other than social atmosphere .... anyway, your soo right what we input is what is output ...... and must say this has been an experience/ride I would not trade in the world .... touch w/glass and class fragile and stupendous ... hug biggrin thumbsup clap highfive heartbeat rose rose rose rose
Jul 16th new
Great post.
I also wish some people here stop over-analyzing everything about their relationship with some prospective matches, or when they still haven't found a prospective match.
It's all in God's time. He knows when you're ready.
Jul 16th new
Interesting post.

For me? I don't whine about the lack of attention or dates. Yes, I feel invisible often, but I have this theory that it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. I can be lonely, but I think it would be worse if I was lonely with someone.

Why am I on here? Well, initially I joined because I lived overseas and I was the only widow/widower I knew. I joined for that forum. It was once more active. I made many, many friends. I wasn't interested in dating, but I still keep in touch with some incredible people.

Now? I am not sure why I am on here. I would like a chapter two, but I am wary of the online thing. It doesn't matter so much any way. I think people assume they know the state of my mind or grief process. Most would be very wrong. I enjoy the forums and it sparks hope for a chapter two. That's all.
Jul 16th new
(quote) Jeffrey-1077864 said:

Regrettably each and everyone of us on here has had our heart broken at one time or another. And, apparently, some of those wounds are still fresh because I've seen some men and women on these forums including myself so I'm not pointing fingers, venting about their success on CM or lack thereof. I've seen some comments where essentially the theme is that "Men Are Dogs" or "Women Are Too Much Work". I don't like it. I don't like it when people make generalizations about groups especially when they're claiming to be devout Catholics who are dedicated to their faith. Nobody is perfect and none of us would ever be able to honestly admit to being infallible, but reading some of these comments honestly is a turn-off for me as I'm sure that it is with others as well.

There have been some women on here that I initially took interest in, but after reading some of their posts I honestly had no interest in communicating with them for a myriad of reasons. For one thing, I don't think that some men and women on here should honestly be on this dating website let alone any dating website because they're obviously not over a past relationship, engagement, marriage, etc. I know that some people have friends that sign them up or put pressure on them to "move on" from being single and urge them to get back out in the dating world so they join Catholic Match, Ave Maria, eHarmony, etc. and the thing is that they're not ready. IMHO you shouldn't be on a dating website if you're not totally committed 100% in your heart.

I just think that it's wrong when some women start comparing me to an ex especially when they haven't even taken the time to get to know me and who I am. We may have some things in common, but I'm not your ex. Someone once told me that the problem with living in the past is that there's no future in it. Sometimes people have a hard time letting go of their past and it's good men like me who are sometimes the unfortunate recipients of negative feelings that are intended to be directed at someone else who is no longer in the picture to be affected.

I believe that men and women are equal. Different, but equal. And as many times in the past that I've had my heart broken, I never lashed out at all women or made generalizations against all of them because one of them done me wrong. It's fine to joke about men and women if it's playful and done in good taste, but the problem is that it often gets personal and that's when the generalizations start coming up. "Well, that's a man for ya!" "What do you expect from a woman?" "You're surprised that men are idiots?" "Must be that time of the month again." These are just a few of the things that I've heard from both men and women and shame on the people who have said these things especially coming from Catholics and Christians who should know better.

Pointing is rude. Pointing fingers isn't much better. If you wish to be mired in your negativity, you're certainly entitled to do that, but I wish to be no part of it. If you're unhappy because you haven't found love after being on a website for almost a decade, perhaps the problem isn't men or women, but staring back at you in the mirror. Maybe you need to focus on self-improvement before making judgments against others and how they live their lives. To be fair, sometimes it takes longer for some of us to find love, but I think that there's a distinction to be made between people who wait a long time yet remain positive and optimistic versus those who wait a long time and spend most of it being very negative and jaded when others find happiness.

There are many success stories on Catholic Match, but by no means is there a guarantee that you will find love or marriage here. All we can do is the best that we can and I think that it is great when we use the forums to help one another and come together as a community. That is what I have tried to do here during my time at CM and although I haven't always succeeded, I sincerely have tried more often than not to accomplish that goal. I hope that what I said makes sense. Thank you for listening.

regret so sad for me that it has come to this image .... being not kind and thoughtful comments, even disrespectful attitude towards one another is amiss here in this community .... hopefully, it is only just a minority, but then you cann't isolate those comments or can you!!! ..... is there reassurance to avoid this unfortunate situations, those who are griefing and suffering immensely ... should we reach out to those who are in an unpredictable situation ... doesn't this make-up likewise our community IRL/online .... that their not secluded, but be included and assist in their uphill journey when they open up ....... discussion is a positive and healing process ... we hear you and how can we help/pray for you, let us share what our experience and enlighten your load ... and even if they have negative comments can we pray silently in our hearts for your pain/healing/transformation ..... it is a complicated world we are a part, foremost it begins with our touch ........ rose hug Praying Dove theheart rosary Dove rose rose rose
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