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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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I recommend everyone with a marriage vocation to read "The ABC's of Choosing a Good Husband / Wife" written by Stephen Wood. He has very good insights and provide good guidance.
Jul 17th 2014 new
I read the husband version years ago. I loved it! I'd reread it again but I donated it to our pregnancy center. biggrin
Jul 17th 2014 new
(quote) Carolina-1069841 said: I recommend everyone with a marriage vocation to read "The ABC's of Choosing a Good Husband / Wife" written by Stephen Wood. He has very good insights and provide good guidance.
Some of this book was all right but, if I'm remembering correctly, a lot of his advice wasn't very practical, especially not for older people. I seem to remember him recommending chaperones, and having the guy ask your dad for permission to marry you and I also seem to remember him saying you should avoid the children of divorced parents which would also make me unmarriageable.

But anyway, with how far away my family lives from me, courtship just isn't an option. Sorry if I'm mixing this book up with another book but I didn't find this book helpful for real life dating, and I thought Patricia Wrona's book gave a better explanation for how to discern whom to marry.
Jul 17th 2014 new
(quote) Jean-504066 said: Some of this book was all right but, if I'm remembering correctly, a lot of his advice wasn't very practical, especially not for older people. I seem to remember him recommending chaperones, and having the guy ask your dad for permission to marry you and I also seem to remember him saying you should avoid the children of divorced parents which would also make me unmarriageable.

But anyway, with how far away my family lives from me, courtship just isn't an option. Sorry if I'm mixing this book up with another book but I didn't find this book helpful for real life dating, and I thought Patricia Wrona's book gave a better explanation for how to discern whom to marry.
I can't apply it all either and I think he just gives the best advice on every topic that he can. He presents a good ideal but we have to modify our courting rules according to our life situation (he states that in the book too; he knows it's a tall order). We can also read it and apply it to ourselves; what areas of ourselves are good and which ones should be tended to and corrected if possible.

He doesn't say to avoid children of divorced parents. He says that one should be aware that there might be a lot of emotional baggage to deal with and you need to be prepared for that. Life hasn't been easy for most of us I guess, but we can't hide from it and we need to face up to it before marriage preferably. For our own sake aswell as for our future spouse's.

Basically, I think he covers most areas that can cause a problem in marriages if not addressed beforehand. Some things apply to us directly, others don't and might not either, but at least we are more alert and can avoid bad choices.
Jul 17th 2014 new
(quote) Carolina-1069841 said: I can't apply it all either and I think he just gives the best advice on every topic that he can. He presents a good ideal but we have to modify our courting rules according to our life situation (he states that in the book too; he knows it's a tall order). We can also read it and apply it to ourselves; what areas of ourselves are good and which ones should be tended to and corrected if possible.

He doesn't say to avoid children of divorced parents. He says that one should be aware that there might be a lot of emotional baggage to deal with and you need to be prepared for that. Life hasn't been easy for most of us I guess, but we can't hide from it and we need to face up to it before marriage preferably. For our own sake aswell as for our future spouse's.

Basically, I think he covers most areas that can cause a problem in marriages if not addressed beforehand. Some things apply to us directly, others don't and might not either, but at least we are more alert and can avoid bad choices.
Other reviewers have commented on him saying to avoid the children of divorced parents and children from troubled homes, so I'm pretty sure my memory wasn't failing me there.

But even if he didn't say that, his advice is really touch and go. Some of it's good, but courtship just isn't that practical for someone my age. My mother is a trucker and almost never around and my father's permission on anything is impossible to obtain. (He's no longer alive.) I'd pay very close attention to my family's opinion on anyone I was seriously considering marrying, but they don't live close enough to be as involved in the process as I seem to remember him advising.

Besides that, only the consent of the man and woman marrying are necessary for a Catholic marriage. Permission from the parents is totally unnecessary from a Church standpoint, and it really just seems like he wanted to be consulted when his six daughters got married... At any rate, by your own admission, not all of his advice can be practically applied even to your life. I found that little of his advice could, while the Wrona book was very practical. It said how to find a good spouse in the world as it is today. Much more helpful for those of us who can't court and who wouldn't much want to if we could.

Again, I'm glad you liked it. There was good advice in there, it just wasn't at all practical for me. I'd reread it to double-check what he said, but the book was so little use to me that I got rid of it as soon as I'd finished it, and I regretted reading it in the first place.




Jul 17th 2014 new
(quote) Jean-504066 said: Some of this book was all right but, if I'm remembering correctly, a lot of his advice wasn't very practical, especially not for older people. I seem to remember him recommending chaperones, and having the guy ask your dad for permission to marry you and I also seem to remember him saying you should avoid the children of divorced parents which would also make me unmarriageable.
I agree with this statement. Not only children of divorced parents, but it seemed like having gone through other trials (even if they have been overcome) seems to be off the table. There's a lot to say for the strength that people gain through difficult circumstances and overcoming difficulties or an unholy past . Think about the strides that St. Augustine made. We are all broken, and we need to be realistic but also realize that a spouse won't be perfect.
Jul 23rd 2014 new
Just because a lot of us manage to become decent people after such tribulations does not mean everyone does. A few become serial killers, wife beaters, psychopaths etc. The warning signs mustn't be ignored just because one always thinks the best of people. Wives/ex-wives who married the wrong men suffer because they ignored or were oblivious of warning signs.
No child deserves to grow up with divorced parents, it leaves emotional wounds. Some get over it, some think they do and others simply don't. You should watch out for the latter two. And if you belong to those who get over it - what he writes does not apply to you and you shouldn't take it personally.
Jul 24th 2014 new
I read it biggrin
Jul 24th 2014 new
(quote) Tony-1031677 said: I read it
Great! Did you like it?
Jul 24th 2014 new
I remember reading The ABC's of Choosing a Good Husband when I was in college. However, there were some things that I found hard to relate to, or not very practical. It has been years now, so I don't remember specifics. However, if you enjoyed that book, you may enjoy some of these other favorites of mine:

Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World by T.G. Morrow (my personal favorite, great for guys and gals)
How to Get to "I Do" by Amy Bonaccorso (women only)
Three to Get Married by Fulton J. Sheen
Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla

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