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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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I have become very discouraged by the constant stream of views i'm getting but not a single hello. I have sent out countless messages with not one response but streams of views. Is it my photo?, colour I wonder? Whats wrong with me. Its unlikely you can ask for feedback so any suggestions?
Jul 18th 2014 new
(quote) Afua-1112705 said: I have become very discouraged by the constant stream of views i'm getting but not a single hello. I have sent out countless messages with not one response but streams of views. Is it my photo?, colour I wonder? Whats wrong with me. Its unlikely you can ask for feedback so any suggestions?

I viewed, not because of interest in you, but because of your post above so that I may be able to respond with more clarity for you. In your case, you do have a background photo that a serious Catholic man should question. It's a body shot without a face. Then no other photos. Just that alone causes a man to loose interest in even reading the rest of your profile (but I did read it because more data is better than less).

The body shot, but no idea what you really look like, raised credibility concerns in my mind, and a young man likely looses immediate interest in reading the profile.

Most Catholic young men who use this site, let us hope, use it with serious interest in finding a lifelong partner in marriage. First impressions are very important and must be true.

Ask yourself: what message am I sending?

Regarding your comment about "color", although it could be a matter of preference by a viewer which you can't do anything about no matter how beautiful, should NOT be a concern. Thinking it's a problem will only hurt you not help you.

When you ask: What is wrong with me? I would say in response, stop overthinking and go back to first impressions. Men are visual, picture is very important. Identify yourself visually; those that have interest will come to read not view. That is, they were already ok with the view. If they like what they read, they will likely contact you.

Jul 18th 2014 new
(quote) Afua-1112705 said: I have become very discouraged by the constant stream of views i'm getting but not a single hello. I have sent out countless messages with not one response but streams of views. Is it my photo?, colour I wonder? Whats wrong with me. Its unlikely you can ask for feedback so any suggestions?
Welcome to CM and the Fora, Afua!

I enjoyed reading your profile. The only comment I have is the body shot that John refers to. Does that image represent you as a child of God and what message does it send to the reader?

A fun fact: I looked up the meaning of your name. Afua means mercy, protection, and born on Friday. smile
Jul 18th 2014 new
(quote) John-971967 said:

I viewed, not because of interest in you, but because of your post above so that I may be able to respond with more clarity for you. In your case, you do have a background photo that a serious Catholic man should question. It's a body shot without a face. Then no other photos. Just that alone causes a man to loose interest in even reading the rest of your profile (but I did read it because more data is better than less).

The body shot, but no idea what you really look like, raised credibility concerns in my mind, and a young man likely looses immediate interest in reading the profile.

Most Catholic young men who use this site, let us hope, use it with serious interest in finding a lifelong partner in marriage. First impressions are very important and must be true.

Ask yourself: what message am I sending?

Regarding your comment about "color", although it could be a matter of preference by a viewer which you can't do anything about no matter how beautiful, should NOT be a concern. Thinking it's a problem will only hurt you not help you.

When you ask: What is wrong with me? I would say in response, stop overthinking and go back to first impressions. Men are visual, picture is very important. Identify yourself visually; those that have interest will come to read not view. That is, they were already ok with the view. If they like what they read, they will likely contact you.

I agree with John. I only viewed your profile because of your post. Your background picture is one that I disapprove. Is this how you portray yourself? I am a guy who is very visual, so it makes me wonder what type of woman you are. I didn't even read your entire profile.
Jul 18th 2014 new
So, there you have it, Afua. You have been judged and found wanting because the photo looks too enticing and does not show your face. Your profile looks like a trap for the unwary, and the gentlemen of CM are not apt to fall for it.
OR
You just happen to be a lovely, holy Catholic who naively fails to see what others see when they look at your profile.
OR there just aren't enough Catholic men in Great Britain.
OR people keep looking at your photo and thinking they haven't got a chance...
OR help me out here, there must be a dozen more possibilities no matter how improbable.

BUT to other forum-dwellers, might I suggest that responding directly and privately to the originator of such a thread would have been more appropriate than splashing an uncomplimentary (and highly speculative) response across the open forum?


Jul 19th 2014 new
(quote) Virginia-182942 said: So, there you have it, Afua. You have been judged and found wanting because the photo looks too enticing and does not show your face. Your profile looks like a trap for the unwary, and the gentlemen of CM are not apt to fall for it.
OR
You just happen to be a lovely, holy Catholic who naively fails to see what others see when they look at your profile.
OR there just aren't enough Catholic men in Great Britain.
OR people keep looking at your photo and thinking they haven't got a chance...
OR help me out here, there must be a dozen more possibilities no matter how improbable.

BUT to other forum-dwellers, might I suggest that responding directly and privately to the originator of such a thread would have been more appropriate than splashing an uncomplimentary (and highly speculative) response across the open forum?


Hi Virginia,

I happen to agree with most all of what you write and had thought about writing to the young lady personally, but then decided not to because I did not see it as appropriate given our age difference AND because I hesitated due to the body only photo. Besides, when one asks for a man's opinion in the public forum, one should be able to accept what comes their way in the public forum. Would you not also agree? If one can't handle it, then one should not ask.

I personally do not think I was being malicious with my feedback, but I was frank. I tend to do that, sometimes it is a strength on occasion it can be a personal weakness, yet it is what I do. What I said was my first impression. She is looking for others' impressions and feedback. Is she not?

Trying to list the possibilities of what could be is all good and fine, and certainly within the realm of possibilities, but frankly it's useless. Making her feel good is not going to identify what others impressions are. Please do not take this comment as an attack, I have no reason to do so. I am just trying to cut to the core of the matter.

I am pleased that the young lady has received the opinions presented with courage and has since posted a profile photo quite complementary to her. It may still not yield results that she perhaps would hope for, but at least more than a few will now likely read the rest of her profile. And that won't hurt, because as you observe, she has a very beautiful name, a photo is posted that does not cause a man to step back, and her profile reflects qualities of character, that I am sure more young men are now likely to notice. I think she is now more likely to get a gent to say hello.

I certainly wish Afua the best as a daughter in Christ.

Jul 19th 2014 new
(quote) John-971967 said:

Hi Virginia,

I happen to agree with most all of what you write and had thought about writing to the young lady personally, but then decided not to because I did not see it as appropriate given our age difference AND because I hesitated due to the body only photo. Besides, when one asks for a man's opinion in the public forum, one should be able to accept what comes their way in the public forum. Would you not also agree? If one can't handle it, then one should not ask.

I personally do not think I was being malicious with my feedback, but I was frank. I tend to do that, sometimes it is a strength on occasion it can be a personal weakness, yet it is what I do. What I said was my first impression. She is looking for others' impressions and feedback. Is she not?

Trying to list the possibilities of what could be is all good and fine, and certainly within the realm of possibilities, but frankly it's useless. Making her feel good is not going to identify what others impressions are. Please do not take this comment as an attack, I have no reason to do so. I am just trying to cut to the core of the matter.

I am pleased that the young lady has received the opinions presented with courage and has since posted a profile photo quite complementary to her. It may still not yield results that she perhaps would hope for, but at least more than a few will now likely read the rest of her profile. And that won't hurt, because as you observe, she has a very beautiful name, a photo is posted that does not cause a man to step back, and her profile reflects qualities of character, that I am sure more young men are now likely to notice. I think she is now more likely to get a gent to say hello.

I certainly wish Afua the best as a daughter in Christ.

She's a new member so I think in her defense her photos may have been in the process of approval by Catholic Match and that may have been why a seemingly tawdry photo was the only one displayed earlier, although it could also be that she chose to upload them in response to your comments; but either way we don't know until she says so, and that's assuming she's upfront about it.

The seemingly tawdry photo might have appeared as her background photo because it was the first to be approved. That happened to me at least once when I reinstated my profile and had to upload photos again.

Jul 19th 2014 new
(quote) John-971967 said:

Hi Virginia,

I happen to agree with most all of what you write and had thought about writing to the young lady personally, but then decided not to because I did not see it as appropriate given our age difference AND because I hesitated due to the body only photo. Besides, when one asks for a man's opinion in the public forum, one should be able to accept what comes their way in the public forum. Would you not also agree? If one can't handle it, then one should not ask.

I personally do not think I was being malicious with my feedback, but I was frank.

John, my comment was not aimed at you, nor did I mean to imply you were being malicious.
I truly believe threads that are basically asking, "what's wrong with me?" or "what's wrong with my profile?" would be better handled in a one to one communication. If we all kept to that approach --discreet evaluation-- all parties would be better served.
The judgment to which I was referring was the CM photograph "evaluation" process. CM sets standards (or at least reserves judgment on) which photos will be allowed and which will not. The original photo was considerably different from the majority of photos in other ladies' profiles.
Frankly, this thread appears to draw more attention to the pictures than is needed.
Jul 19th 2014 new
I say its because you don't live in the US. You have a very nice picture.

I get the same thing.. Countless views.. but no hello.. scratchchin
Jul 19th 2014 new
(quote) Afua-1112705 said: I have become very discouraged by the constant stream of views i'm getting but not a single hello. I have sent out countless messages with not one response but streams of views. Is it my photo?, colour I wonder? Whats wrong with me. Its unlikely you can ask for feedback so any suggestions?
Hi Afua. I viewed your profile and that body shot picture might be a bit too revealing. The kissing one may not be the best either. Maybe drop those pictures and add a few others showing you doing some activity you enjoy, like volunteering, hiking, biking, or travel photos. Just my opinion.

If anyone viewed your profile, I don't think there would be an issue of color, because they probably wouldn't have viewed your profile in the first place.

biggrin

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