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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Just Give Up?

Jul 18th 2014 new
I am not having any notable success here on CatholicMatch, and suspect the primary reason is that I am annulled and have two children for whom I do uphold my fatherly responsibilities (time, emotional and spiritual support, and financial support.)

I suspect most women on this site are simply not interested in marrying a fellow who has financial obligations outside of what would be a second marriage. How different from what my own mother did when she married my dad years ago, and helped him raise three children from his first marriage. I guess women today don't feel like getting involved that way.

My mother was a world class scientist, and did not need a man in her life to get by... She willingly helped Dad and also built her career. A class act.

I cannot find any real, glaring issues with my profile. I don't have any major issues with my personality or otherwise, have completed a Divorce Recovery course (almost 18 months long), and my divorce was final nearly 4 years ago. I am annulled, seek marriage, and believe I would make someone a wonderful match.

Yet she will not accept my invitation. Of all the attempts to strike up conversations with ladies here, few have resulted in any response. I have met a couple ladies from here...so I can't claim complete lack of success.

Four years on, I am now feel the pressure of the clock ticking. I had wanted to experience Catholic marriage, built around our faith, complete with children and service within the Church as a family. Shall I simply give up on CatholicMatch as a reasonable opportunity for hope? I am trying to approach this with an open mind but for the life of me cannot figure out why I seem to have so much difficulty finding someone here--other than perhaps my divorced/annulled/with children status.

Someone's really missing out.


Signed,

A protestant turned Catholic post-divorce, looking to experience the full blessing of Catholic marriage



Jul 18th 2014 new
Hey, I'm sending you a message direct as there's no point in saying my piece on an open forum. Hang in there. When you're doing God's will, He'll provide.
Jul 19th 2014 new
(quote) Michael-780154 said: I am not having any notable success here on CatholicMatch, and suspect the primary reason is that I am annulled and have two children for whom I do uphold my fatherly responsibilities (time, emotional and spiritual support, and financial support.)

I suspect most women on this site are simply not interested in marrying a fellow who has financial obligations outside of what would be a second marriage. How different from what my own mother did when she married my dad years ago, and helped him raise three children from his first marriage. I guess women today don't feel like getting involved that way.

My mother was a world class scientist, and did not need a man in her life to get by... She willingly helped Dad and also built her career. A class act.

I cannot find any real, glaring issues with my profile. I don't have any major issues with my personality or otherwise, have completed a Divorce Recovery course (almost 18 months long), and my divorce was final nearly 4 years ago. I am annulled, seek marriage, and believe I would make someone a wonderful match.

Yet she will not accept my invitation. Of all the attempts to strike up conversations with ladies here, few have resulted in any response. I have met a couple ladies from here...so I can't claim complete lack of success.

Four years on, I am now feel the pressure of the clock ticking. I had wanted to experience Catholic marriage, built around our faith, complete with children and service within the Church as a family. Shall I simply give up on CatholicMatch as a reasonable opportunity for hope? I am trying to approach this with an open mind but for the life of me cannot figure out why I seem to have so much difficulty finding someone here--other than perhaps my divorced/annulled/with children status.

Someone's really missing out.


Signed,

A protestant turned Catholic post-divorce, looking to experience the full blessing of Catholic marriage



Hey Michael,

First of all don't give up, let up... Let up by devoting your frustration and loneliness and joining it to the Eucharist in Mass. Pray the Sorrowful mysteries and while doing so, meditate on them and imitate Jesus in all pain. Simple petition God as Jesus did the Father, he prayed so hard that blood came through his skin. He prayed to the Father to remove the last (4th cup) of blessing which would be the 4th cup of wine in a Jewish Passover. If you do not know much about the 4 cups, there is some good teachings on line by Brant Pitre and Dr. Scott Hahn. So Jesus demonstrates we are to petition God with fervent prayer but then Jesus also submits in prayer to not His will but the Father's will....

Now, you want your void filled... I get it and nothing wrong with that. How long have you been a single dad? Perhaps for I do not know, but perhaps God wants you where you are so you can draw even more closer and rely ever so much more on Him. Perhaps God is forming that women for you while He grows you to be the man you are to be???

Now, stop creating excuses why women are not knocking your door down... It can be a number of things, first, God, second, your location, third, things about you and 4th, not many people on this site in your area and others simply not wanting to move... There are far too many women on here that have not a clue to our faith, and they do not believe in the Church's teachings... They are either ignorant of the teachings, ignorant of Christ because they do not read scripture and if anyone has a problem with me saying that then read CCC 133 for that is what the Church (Jesus) is telling us. They may have some moral issues and simply will not die to themselves, pride, arrogance or sheer stupidity... I do not claim to know but they will not have a Catholic heart if they are NOT in communion with Holy Mother Church, aka the BODY of Jesus... OUCH, but perhaps some need a kick in the pants and take their head out and begin to learn their faith... Those kind of women will not be able to love in any great capacity because Love is God and without a deep personal relationship and communal relationship with LOVE, they simply cannot sacrifice as LOVE did for us... The same goes with you too... I have not looked at your profile, perhaps I will. There may be something there that may stand out perhaps or perhaps not... If I do, I will email you privately...

Without looking at your profile you may be not a 7 out of 7 and thus good solid Catholic women may not want to risk their hearts to a man not fully in communion with Christ... Or, you may be 7 out of 7 and those not may think you are too strict when you are merely Catholic and their problem is NOT with you but Christ... Many do not know that the Church is the Body of Christ, that it is incarnational as the Word became flesh... Until they connect the dots you will see those folks blasting the Church as if it is made up of mere men...

Do give up the drive to find a woman, let God in to help.. but do not give up hope.. simply petition hard in prayer but end your prayer by having God help you give up this desire if it is His will for you... Notice I said to pray to have God help you surrender to His will because it is hard to pray that and truly mean it but if we want to fully submit to God we have to pray that but as He knows we do not mean it, we pray for His help to imitate this faithfulness and trusting in Him...

So, again, stop trying to make up reasons why the women are not knocking your door down, you are not alone. CM is a limited pool for sure, to find a person one is attracted to seems like someone is going to have to move and that is a biggy for so many... Some women cannot move because the dad of their children would not see their children... Any parent that moves their kids away from the father or the mother is truly selfish... That is cruel... So, there are some serious reasons why it may not be happening but I truly think it is God protecting you, wanting to draw you closer to Him (see James 4:8) and going to do great work with you.... Perhaps God will bring mom back and build a better marriage than ever...

I tell everyone, daily Mass, adoration as often as you can or sit in the pews for Christ is in the tabernacle and pray, pray, pray and pray... When it got tough for me over the years, when the break-up of the family was too great, there were times I spent hours on my knees and even on my face before the Lord in the tabernacle... I prayed hard, tears and tears poured out... I grew to trust and rely on God for everything. I simply say today, Lord, I do not know why but you do and that is good enough for me... I will say this, read the NT, wherever you fall short simply ask God to help you... Reading scripture is key... it is God's love letter to us... Another great piece of advice once given to me, "Get yourself right with Jesus Christ and everything in time will fall into place."

Michael, you will be fine, just get on your knees and be patient and think of Jesus alone in the desert while you are in your desert, pick up the cross and carry it and see how those the suffer with Christ reign with Christ....

You will find that when you give up a bit you allow God to work and help you carry the cross... one day she will be there and you will look back and marvel just how awesome our God is... in the mean time, unite your sufferings to the Eucharistic sacrifice in Mass... pray for your future wife, God knows who she is... Perhaps going on another site that is not so religious may help... There are some women that want a good man and are into their Catholic faith... I was on Match.com and there is a lot of activity, but so many I did not desire just to secular (worldly) and they simply cannot love without Christ.. I also went on Christian mingling, there are Catholic women on there too but they may not be fully in communion with the Church but not a throw away and then there is the Bible Study Theology board where I was challenged to defend the Catholic faith which I gladly took on and taught them quite a bit but there are many on there that truly hate what they think Catholicism teaches... haha lol oh yea, the wars that went on while on that was too fun... they run out of answers for Catholicism is the true faith and you can't beat Jesus' Church... In doing so, I was used by God to help move obstacles for one women who converted to Catholicism and another come back home to the Catholic Church... God may use you to help others convert...

Brother, you are on a journey, take Jesus with you and you will be fine, 1 Cor 13 live by it and know we are to learn patience... You will be fine... in time, simply put your trust in Him...

I hope this helps.....

God bless you brother,

Gary

Jul 19th 2014 new
Hi Michael! I just checked out your profile and it is very good. Don't give up! biggrin
Jul 19th 2014 new
(quote) Michelle-989480 said: Hi Michael! I just checked out your profile and it is very good. Don't give up!
Hey Michael, you smart man... Now you have all the women checking you out... Brilliant move... you are smooth.... haha just busting on ya... God bless, Gary
Jul 19th 2014 new
Hi Michael. I also read your profile, and it is fine. I think that everyone on CM just has to be very patient. It seems that we all face the same dilemma here, we send messages, emoticons, and get no responses. It is discouraging for all of us. I don't think any of us should give up on looking for someone to enjoy life with, we may find someone here or elsewhere. I am going to stay with CM just in case someone actually responds, and also to read the forums just so I can have some insight into other peoples situations. Good luck to you!
Jul 19th 2014 new
pretty much.
Jul 19th 2014 new
(quote) Michael-780154 said: I am not having any notable success here on CatholicMatch, and suspect the primary reason is that I am annulled and have two children for whom I do uphold my fatherly responsibilities (time, emotional and spiritual support, and financial support.)

I suspect most women on this site are simply not interested in marrying a fellow who has financial obligations outside of what would be a second marriage. How different from what my own mother did when she married my dad years ago, and helped him raise three children from his first marriage. I guess women today don't feel like getting involved that way.

My mother was a world class scientist, and did not need a man in her life to get by... She willingly helped Dad and also built her career. A class act.

I cannot find any real, glaring issues with my profile. I don't have any major issues with my personality or otherwise, have completed a Divorce Recovery course (almost 18 months long), and my divorce was final nearly 4 years ago. I am annulled, seek marriage, and believe I would make someone a wonderful match.

Yet she will not accept my invitation. Of all the attempts to strike up conversations with ladies here, few have resulted in any response. I have met a couple ladies from here...so I can't claim complete lack of success.

Four years on, I am now feel the pressure of the clock ticking. I had wanted to experience Catholic marriage, built around our faith, complete with children and service within the Church as a family. Shall I simply give up on CatholicMatch as a reasonable opportunity for hope? I am trying to approach this with an open mind but for the life of me cannot figure out why I seem to have so much difficulty finding someone here--other than perhaps my divorced/annulled/with children status.

Someone's really missing out.


Signed,

A protestant turned Catholic post-divorce, looking to experience the full blessing of Catholic marriage



Dear Michael,
Oh, to be a lil younger! haha

First I just want to say, thank you so much for your service to our country! I really appreciate that :)

I see an awesome profile of a young man who seems to have his priorities in the right place. You appear to be very faithful, your children are very important in your life, and I see a responsible, trustworthy youthful, young man.
Yes, you are a good catch!

That being said (and you've probably heard this before), don't give up and don't stop praying for your bride. If it is in God's will, she is out there. When the day comes that you two meet up, you will realize that the time was just not right, in retrospect, at this point in your lives. I don't know how long you've been unmarried, but be comfortable in your single time. It can be a time of great reflection and of growing even closer to our Lord.

Be the very best dad for your kids, and enjoy their times growing up...they are but fleeting years-turned-to-moments. Realize you are the most important man in their lives...esp your daughter's....you are her first love.

God knows what He's doing...so trust in His will, and don't give up. And keep smiling smile
Maureen
Jul 20th 2014 new
Michael, yes its easy to give up, wish I had an answer for you....happy to hear that you engaged in Divorce Recovery and able to learn and teach others as well. I too attended Divorce Care and learned alot from this, even though I attended it 3 different times, each time my life was in different stages and learned new coping skills and still use today.

Its easy to just throw in the towel and say: "I am done with this"! But, then reality hits and says, no your not! So, I keep trusting in God and hope that someday I will be totally healed, keep focusing on the big picture and what is truly forthcoming. Sounds easy to say I know, but own it and stay positive! Blessings!!
biggrin

Jul 20th 2014 new
(quote) Michael-780154 said: I am not having any notable success here on CatholicMatch, and suspect the primary reason is that I am annulled and have two children for whom I do uphold my fatherly responsibilities (time, emotional and spiritual support, and financial support.)

I suspect most women on this site are simply not interested in marrying a fellow who has financial obligations outside of what would be a second marriage. How different from what my own mother did when she married my dad years ago, and helped him raise three children from his first marriage. I guess women today don't feel like getting involved that way.

My mother was a world class scientist, and did not need a man in her life to get by... She willingly helped Dad and also built her career. A class act.

I cannot find any real, glaring issues with my profile. I don't have any major issues with my personality or otherwise, have completed a Divorce Recovery course (almost 18 months long), and my divorce was final nearly 4 years ago. I am annulled, seek marriage, and believe I would make someone a wonderful match.

Yet she will not accept my invitation. Of all the attempts to strike up conversations with ladies here, few have resulted in any response. I have met a couple ladies from here...so I can't claim complete lack of success.

Four years on, I am now feel the pressure of the clock ticking. I had wanted to experience Catholic marriage, built around our faith, complete with children and service within the Church as a family. Shall I simply give up on CatholicMatch as a reasonable opportunity for hope? I am trying to approach this with an open mind but for the life of me cannot figure out why I seem to have so much difficulty finding someone here--other than perhaps my divorced/annulled/with children status.

Someone's really missing out.


Signed,

A protestant turned Catholic post-divorce, looking to experience the full blessing of Catholic marriage



My dear Michael,

I would love to be with a man so devoted to Our Lord and so loving towards his children. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that all the women on this site have no interest in single fathers. We single mothers understand and appreciate your frustration, believe me.

I agree that someone is missing out! Taking on the love, care and responsibilities of step children should be viewed as a wonderful thing, not a burden. It will require a big-hearted, generous lady to fill the bill...but we are here.

God bless!

theheart


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