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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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Hello CM people,

What are your opinions on how long-distance travel should be split between man and woman?

I feel both sides of the issue- i.e. each partner shares 50% of the responsibility- but some would say chivalry would demand the male do all of the driving. Others might the idea that the male do all of the driving "entitlement."

On the other hand- I feel equal, or at least close, splitting of the driving is most considerate considering the long hours alone in the car and the financial cost. I am committed to the relationship - but I'd like to see some sort of similar commitment on her part too.

What do you think? Am I totally off base? I get varying answers depending on whom I ask in the real world.

-Dave
Jul 19th new
very warm welcome OP David...

you most likely will receive wisdom/experience from members here .... only my point of view I think it would be good to discuss w/your date... some wouldn't mind driving depending on certain factors ... since you didn't share the timeframe or distance, we can presume it will be local maybe a couple hrs .... think most men would prefer to drive, rather than see the lady drive taking the risk in the dark and concern for her safety commuting by herself unless she has company esp if it is one day rountrip not an 'entitlement', first date traveling to some unknown city and having to remain overnight would be a bit too much to ask of a lady ... as to expense, again it should be a discussion between both if both are committed to a relationship ... if one is burden then one can generously volunteer/comfortable contribute and alleviate some of the expenses.... wishing you the best ........
Jul 19th new
Hmm; advice is cheap (including mine), so take what people tell you with a grain of salt, stir it all together, and weigh it against your own situation. Perhaps a balance of key considerations - esp.: finances, safety, and opportunity/freedom to travel - offer options that vary from time to time so that each instance may be skewed in one direction or other. All in all, it's something to discuss with the other in your relationship.

Good Luck!
Jul 19th new
I agree with David. It's up to you & the lady in question who drives-- how far-- which time --to meet where. Could vary depending on too many factors to set an absolute rule.
A gentleman I was seeing recently, had offered to drive on many occasions. Because he mentioned taking medications that I happen to know come with a warning against driving, I was concerned for his safety (and everyone else on the road). I chose to do the bulk of the driving to meet him on his home turf, but we're talking -- in my situation-- under an hour by car. Had the relationship continued, we would have had to discuss his ability to drive safely.
Jul 20th new
Hi David,

I was in that position and I can tell you as the man I felt like it was my job at least initially to drive. This was a long drive and actually had to be an overnight in hotel, but I just could not keep it up. It just depends on what you can take financially and time wise. I think the lady at some point has to participate in some way in the "cost" of your efforts and for the sake of the relationship.
Jul 20th new
(quote) David-783346 said: Hello CM people,

What are your opinions on how long-distance travel should be split between man and woman?

I feel both sides of the issue- i.e. each partner shares 50% of the responsibility- but some would say chivalry would demand the male do all of the driving. Others might the idea that the male do all of the driving "entitlement."

On the other hand- I feel equal, or at least close, splitting of the driving is most considerate considering the long hours alone in the car and the financial cost. I am committed to the relationship - but I'd like to see some sort of similar commitment on her part too.

What do you think? Am I totally off base? I get varying answers depending on whom I ask in the real world.

-Dave
You've gotten some great replies, I think. Ladies can definitely be more vulnerable than us, so their safety has to be always a priority. Just try to weigh that reasonably. My two cents would be that we're all smart enough to tell when the person we're dating is also somehow giving their all in the relationship or not. So I wouldn't just take into account the driving but everything as a whole.
Jul 21st new

There are no rules.

Which of you can afford the gasoline?
Which of you is "on call" for work?
Which of you hates driving?
Which of you has a clunky old heap of a car?
Which of you works nights?
Which of you has family members to care for who cannot be left for long periods?
Which of you has a physical handicap that makes driving/travelling difficult?

There are too many variables to consider, so you must work it out with each relationship.

Jul 21st new
(quote) Juan-1022000 said: My two cents would be that we're all smart enough to tell when the person we're dating is also somehow giving their all in the relationship or not. So I wouldn't just take into account the driving but everything as a whole.
clap clap
Jul 23rd new
Honestly, and I seem to be in the minority here, but I think it's up to the guy to drive, at the very least in the beginning. But in general, it should be up to the guy. But then, I also think it's up to the guy to do the initial "asking out". Call me old-fashioned (I've been called worse). Chivalry isn't dead. 50/50 is nice in theory, but real life isn't 50/50. My parents have been married since 1980 and they don't split anything 50/50. Dad works up to 70 hours a week and mom stays home to homeschool the kids and run the house. She doesn't begrudge him that he "gets" to go out to work and he doesn't get jealous of her for "getting" to stay home. They recognize their roles and they are happy. My grandparents have been married since 1957. On one date, he took a train from New Jersey to midtown Manhattan to get her, than they took another train to a party they'd been invited to down the Jersey shore, and at the end of the night he rode the train with her back to NYC before getting on a last train back to the shore (he was staying there for the night with his friends). All of that and NO ONE said "well, when is she going to come see you?" Why not? Because it was unheard of for anyone to expect a woman to do half the traveling. Now? Guys seem to think they should get a free pass to act like children or forget your birthday because "Hey, I'm the one doing all the driving, when are you gonna pick up the slack?"


Besides, have you read any of these member stories? More often than not, the woman ends up moving to be near the man. She should up and change her whole life AND do half the traveling in the dating process too? Seems a bit much.


Jul 24th new
My ex and I lived 2.5hrs apart and we saw each other about 2-3x a month for 2 years- I drove every time except twice. Sometimes I even drove the distance to pick him up and bring him to my town for the weekend, then of course drive him home and drive myself home the same weekend........it never bothered me until I started failing grad school and doing badly at work, because I was not getting any sleep from driving- he refused to come see me because he didn't like my town (which is a very pretty coastal area) I guess it all depends on who is more serious about the relationship, and who misses the other more :/
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