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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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The Woman in the Mirror

Jul 20th 2014 new

So fellow CM'ers, I have had some self-composed profile "interview" questions up for several months now. One poses a question I knew could be a rather sensitive topic for some CM ladies. But, I must say, I put the question there deliberately to help better gauge what is to me (and, I think, many men) an important element of compatibility. Or, at least, the question could start a conversation with a lady leading to us both to better know that aspect of our compatibility. That was my thinking, anyway.

But, I have some evidence now to suspect that just by raising the topic, a fella could be painting himself as a bit of a jerk (undeservedly so, c'mon now wink) across the broad spectrum of ladies, regardless of how they would each personally answer. So, I ask the ladies here broadly...is this question a jerk's question, or not?

[And, please keep in mind what the lady is really being asked, not what others (especially, men) think of her, but what she thinks of herself.]

Q: Your attitude toward your own body is best described by:

A) "I would never discuss that with any man, not even my husband."

B) "No matter what this culture prizes, I'm happy enough with what I see in the mirror."

C) "I don't like to think about how I look to others."

D) "It's a battlefield in a war I'm forever losing."

E) "For my age, I think I'm pretty hot ;) ."

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Jerk, or not, Ladies? Should it be asked at all...thrown out, worded different...do you see it as a reasonable element in wife-husband compatibility? Gents, feel free to offer insight or experiences too.

But, jus' saying, I do think the woman that my wife (to be, hopefully) sees in the mirror is important...to me.

Jul 20th 2014 new
Interesting post....I cannot wait to see how people respond to this one...

I personally, do not see a problem with the question being asked, so long as you are asking it to gauge how someone sees themselves. A woman who loves herself, is confident and in accepting who she is, she loves herself and probably is healthy enough to get into a relationship. However, someone who is more traditional, may take offense to it as something that should not be discussed until they completely get to know someone. I honestly think that this question and how it is perceived is going to depend on the person who responds to the survey.

As far as starting a conversation, I can see it starting a conversation, that would quickly turn sour or where you may be accused of being something you are not. At the same time, some women may understand what you are trying to learn about them from such a question.

I think a better question to ask, would be- "How do you see yourself?" and then include options that do not necessary focus on the physical, but on all elements of a person.
Jul 20th 2014 new
Dan, you're a brave man.

Hypothetically, if this were a question in a gentleman's profile, I would not really have an opinion of him as much as an opinion of the question. Here's what's wrong with this question:
  • You don't even have "the body is a temple of the Holy Spirit' as an option.
  • It places emphasis on the body of the woman, and not on her lifestyle.
  • Most women (even if physically fit) are sort of sensitive about body image. It's not a good icebreaker topic. It's like asking a man how he feels about his height or his bank account.
  • Every man should be aware: The woman asks the question "Do I look fat in this?" and the man says "no dear, not at all". That's how it has been since the dawn of time. So just be forewarned.

Jul 20th 2014 new
Dan, everything you write is well-written; but I do think Angela has nailed it here.
Jul 20th 2014 new
If, concerning women, men are innately visual, are blind men permitted to read their certain, possible or even long-shot prospects with their fingertips?
Jul 20th 2014 new
Here's a question to your question :
Are you brave enough to ask this question face to face to a lady?
If you aren't, then you should not ask. If you are, hey, go for it.

Jul 20th 2014 new

Agreed.

I would add: You didn't give the option of "none of the above", which applies in my case.

Jul 20th 2014 new

Not challenging you, here, but I would like to know:
--Why do you care what she thinks about her body image?
--Do you think it's really that large a part of who the average woman is?
--Have you dated women in the past for whom this was a big issue and were you "burned" as a result?
--Are you, yourself, hung up on body images (either hers or your own)?


:scrachchin:
Just wondering why this topic even entered your mind....

Jul 20th 2014 new
(quote) Dan-1002097 said:

So fellow CM'ers, I have had some self-composed profile "interview" questions up for several months now. One poses a question I knew could be a rather sensitive topic for some CM ladies. But, I must say, I put the question there deliberately to help better gauge what is to me (and, I think, many men) an important element of compatibility. Or, at least, the question could start a conversation with a lady leading to us both to better know that aspect of our compatibility. That was my thinking, anyway.

But, I have some evidence now to suspect that just by raising the topic, a fella could be painting himself as a bit of a jerk (undeservedly so, c'mon now ) across the broad spectrum of ladies, regardless of how they would each personally answer. So, I ask the ladies here broadly...is this question a jerk's question, or not?

[And, please keep in mind what the lady is really being asked, not what others (especially, men) think of her, but what she thinks of herself.]

Q: Your attitude toward your own body is best described by:

A) "I would never discuss that with any man, not even my husband."

B) "No matter what this culture prizes, I'm happy enough with what I see in the mirror."

C) "I don't like to think about how I look to others."

D) "It's a battlefield in a war I'm forever losing."

E) "For my age, I think I'm pretty hot ;) ."

----------------------------------------

Jerk, or not, Ladies? Should it be asked at all...thrown out, worded different...do you see it as a reasonable element in wife-husband compatibility? Gents, feel free to offer insight or experiences too.

But, jus' saying, I do think the woman that my wife (to be, hopefully) sees in the mirror is important...to me.

It is a question you would only ask someone you know very well. If I presented this to one of my best friends, she would surely laugh because we know each other very well. Body types and self image has been something we've discussed before and something we all work on in our lives. While we may be perfectly fine, we all like to work on a better image of ourselves.
For someone you just met, not a good question to ask.
Jul 20th 2014 new
I think this question is better suited as a topic of discussion during the dating phase and not as an interview / conversation starter with someone you don't know. I don't have any interview questions but if I did, they would be more fun or light type questions that would give each insight to the other's personality without possibly making someone uncomfortable.
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