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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

One day you meet this wonderful man or woman, perhaps here on Catholic Match, and you communicate for awhile by phone or email. Eventually, you both mutually decide to meet and have a wonderful time together. The hours fly by, conversation flows freely, there is lots of laughter, and neither of you want to say good night. One of you decides to say to other, let's do this again soon. The weeks go by, you both look forward to the next "outing" enjoying similar intersts, museums, movies, dinner, lunch, picincs, and just talking on the phone once in awhile. You both open up about yourselves, share details about your families, childhood, growing up, memories of times with siblings, goals for the future, marriage with a hypothetical spouse (definitely skirting around any implication that the two of you might be spouses). It's comfortable, it's great, it's what you prayed to find! At the end of the "outings" you both feel renewed and ready to face life again. The friendship feeds your souls.

Hold on, though, and wait a minute! In the back of your minds there is that constant fact that the we met on Catholic Match or somewhere else for purpose of dating. Isn't there supposed to be something more happening here? We are good friends, you both tell yourselves, but maybe there could potentially be more. One of you feels a great deal of attraction and yet isn't sure if the other is feeling the same. Eventually you have the "talk" and realize that friendship is all you both want right now. Great, I guess, maybe, not sure...who really knows.

Six months later, though, and many more hours spent together, one of you is still feeling an attraction. However, not wanting to intimidate, embarrass, or scare the other friend, these emotions are kept inside. At the end of the outings, the one with the "feelings" wishes so much that it was possible to express to the other something so much deeper.

Whether this story is fact or fiction doesn't really matter. The point is to demonstrate the frustration and heartache that can develop when two people of the opposite gender spend a great deal of time together.

Being a woman, I belive it is harder on her if the guy involved is not reciprocating deeper feelings because a lot of women prefer not to initiate this type of conversation. Perhaps I am a bit old fashioned in this regard. I am not sure. How does a conservative woman get a guy to open up without using some of the secular (impure) methods present in society? It causes a great dillema. For the guy involved, he does not want to come on too strong and intimidate the woman.

So how long is too long before one of the two must have the courage to speak up about their true feelings? Does "friendship" eventually become a comfort zone to deny something on a deeper level out of fear?
Jul 21st 2014 new
HI Mary,welcome to Catholic Match Forums.Great Thread.To answer your question,I think six months is enough time tht either one of the two who has feelings should be able to speak up.How you do that is up to you.It depends largely on personality .
Jul 21st 2014 new
(quote) Mary-1057416 said: One day you meet this wonderful man or woman, perhaps here on Catholic Match, and you communicate for awhile by phone or email. Eventually, you both mutually decide to meet and have a wonderful time together. The hours fly by, conversation flows freely, there is lots of laughter, and neither of you want to say good night. One of you decides to say to other, let's do this again soon. The weeks go by, you both look forward to the next "outing" enjoying similar intersts, museums, movies, dinner, lunch, picincs, and just talking on the phone once in awhile. You both open up about yourselves, share details about your families, childhood, growing up, memories of times with siblings, goals for the future, marriage with a hypothetical spouse (definitely skirting around any implication that the two of you might be spouses). It's comfortable, it's great, it's what you prayed to find! At the end of the "outings" you both feel renewed and ready to face life again. The friendship feeds your souls.

Hold on, though, and wait a minute! In the back of your minds there is that constant fact that the we met on Catholic Match or somewhere else for purpose of dating. Isn't there supposed to be something more happening here? We are good friends, you both tell yourselves, but maybe there could potentially be more. One of you feels a great deal of attraction and yet isn't sure if the other is feeling the same. Eventually you have the "talk" and realize that friendship is all you both want right now. Great, I guess, maybe, not sure...who really knows.

Six months later, though, and many more hours spent together, one of you is still feeling an attraction. However, not wanting to intimidate, embarrass, or scare the other friend, these emotions are kept inside. At the end of the outings, the one with the "feelings" wishes so much that it was possible to express to the other something so much deeper.

Whether this story is fact or fiction doesn't really matter. The point is to demonstrate the frustration and heartache that can develop when two people of the opposite gender spend a great deal of time together.

Being a woman, I belive it is harder on her if the guy involved is not reciprocating deeper feelings because a lot of women prefer not to initiate this type of conversation. Perhaps I am a bit old fashioned in this regard. I am not sure. How does a conservative woman get a guy to open up without using some of the secular (impure) methods present in society? It causes a great dillema. For the guy involved, he does not want to come on too strong and intimidate the woman.

So how long is too long before one of the two must have the courage to speak up about their true feelings? Does "friendship" eventually become a comfort zone to deny something on a deeper level out of fear?
I will give you something that I read in the fora not too many days ago. Courage is fear that has said its prayers. We all have fears. I have them. You have them.
I am assuming this scenario is true and suggest this. One of you has to be willing to step out of his or her comfort zone to reveal themselves. I suspect it will have to be you since I am writing to you, Mary. Someone has to be vulnerable. I know it takes some courage but it is worth it even if you fail.
Jul 21st 2014 new
My dear Mary, if this is a true story, what are you waiting for? Relationships must be open and honest so why on earth would you hide your feelings? How will he know your true feelings unless you share them? The other benefit is that you will then know how he feels and what he thinks about you.

Best of luck - that is a wonderful predicament to be in! :)


Jul 21st 2014 new
Good gosh! Six months of dates and the two are unclear on what is the status of the relationship?? What are the two waiting on?? Some one will have to make the first move and begin the conversation-why not you?
Jul 21st 2014 new
yes
Jul 21st 2014 new
The man should most definitely speak about his feelings first if he is a gentleman. A woman can only wait for this. If she has feelings, she has to try exert herself in not letting the man or anyone else know about her feelings until she is sure he shares the feelings. This protects her reputation and shows good prudence and the virtue of chastity.
However, it is completely up to her how long she will wait. If they have met for 6 months regularly (not talking about LDR here) and he hasn't said anything or made any promise or hint whatsoever, he might be wasting her time.

I much admire Elinor, the heroine in Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, when it comes to handling feelings and relationships.


Jul 21st 2014 new
(quote) Carolina-1069841 said: The man should most definitely speak about his feelings first if he is a gentleman. A woman can only wait for this. If she has feelings, she has to try exert herself in not letting the man or anyone else know about her feelings until she is sure he shares the feelings. This protects her reputation and shows good prudence and the virtue of chastity.
However, it is completely up to her how long she will wait. If they have met for 6 months regularly (not talking about LDR here) and he hasn't said anything or made any promise or hint whatsoever, he might be wasting her time.

I much admire Elinor, the heroine in Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, when it comes to handling feelings and relationships.


I agree, Carolina and, you expressed it so beautifully.
Jul 21st 2014 new
Thank you, Meg!
Jul 21st 2014 new
(quote) Carolina-1069841 said: The man should most definitely speak about his feelings first if he is a gentleman. A woman can only wait for this. If she has feelings, she has to try exert herself in not letting the man or anyone else know about her feelings until she is sure he shares the feelings. This protects her reputation and shows good prudence and the virtue of chastity.
However, it is completely up to her how long she will wait. If they have met for 6 months regularly (not talking about LDR here) and he hasn't said anything or made any promise or hint whatsoever, he might be wasting her time.

I much admire Elinor, the heroine in Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, when it comes to handling feelings and relationships.


I seem to disagree that the little woman should be quiet and allow the man to direct the path of the relationship with voicing feelings. The relationship involves a man and a woman and both should be able to discuss feelings and motives when each individual feels the time is right.

If the woman speaks up first at the 6 month point and the man is spooked, flakes out and disappears, he may not be ready to pursue a relationship where each openly, warmly, honestly, and respectfully communicates what they feel.

We are grown-ups and when we are in a 6 month relationship, both man and woman should feel they trust each other to reveal their feelings. If this trust is non existent then the relationship should probably end.

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