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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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I chose this topic since it relates to my life's story, my dating pattern. I tend to choose the same type of guy over and over. Certain things about the self centered guy make him more interesting to me than a non self centered man. The life of the party kind of guy is fun to be around except when I begin to notice other women are wanting to get to know him and want to be around him as much as I do.HIs love for this attention is a complete turn off for me and has ended my relationships in the past. Even when I see many red flags, this pattern usually won't steer me in another direction even though I am fully aware of how unhappy I will be in the new relationship. I'm throwing this out here to see if others here are leaning toward the familiar type of man or woman they are used to in their past.
in another thread there was talk of making lists. I have made a list to compare past relationships with present ones. The similarities are quite shocking. I'm sure anyone who would read my list would tell me to stay clear of anyone remotely close to the past bf's. I will give the benefit of the doubt to the new guy in my life though with hopes that he won't turn out to be an exact replica of my past experiences.
I've read in the forums where the topic was all about throwing in the towel and forget about dating.
As I get older and wiser (hopefully) I would like to think that I will make the right choices in order to be truly happy for the rest of my life whether it be a single one or a married one.
All the self help books out there cannot stop the patterns we follow. Has anyone heard of another person being able to break their patterns? This subject area interests me so I'm hoping for some good solid feedback.

Aug 7th 2014 new
sorry i can't be of much help.. although i probably could probably try to identify a pattern in my dating past.. it may be mentally exhausting. But I also choose not to have a certain bias towards any "type" that i've dated because i realize that every situation is mostly different and hopefully I've changed and will react to situations differently as i've gotten older. biggrin Praying
Aug 7th 2014 new
(quote) Dave-146273 said: sorry i can't be of much help.. although i probably could probably try to identify a pattern in my dating past.. it may be mentally exhausting. But I also choose not to have a certain bias towards any "type" that i've dated because i realize that every situation is mostly different and hopefully I've changed and will react to situations differently as i've gotten older.
thank you Dave for your well taken advice. :)
Aug 7th 2014 new
Totally agree with the author about the early parental influence of relationship choices, Connie. I also agree with you about the limitations of self-help books. Have I known people whose inter-generational transmission patterns have stopped with them? Yes - though most got insight into so with the help of psychotherapy. wave
Aug 7th 2014 new
(quote) Carol-1007500 said: Totally agree with the author about the early parental influence of relationship choices, Connie. I also agree with you about the limitations of self-help books. Have I known people whose inter-generational transmission patterns have stopped with them? Yes - though most got insight into so with the help of psychotherapy.
This is too serious of a topic for a single website. After reading the article I was hoping to hear of others here who have seen similarities with the people they date.
thank you Carol for you feedback. :)
Aug 8th 2014 new
(quote) Connie-17641 said: This is too serious of a topic for a single website. After reading the article I was hoping to hear of others here who have seen similarities with the people they date.
thank you Carol for you feedback. :)
I think your topic is indeed relevant, Connie. We do have to learn to recognize the types of personalities that preclude healthy relationship development. I have seen these traits in people I have dated, though in my younger and less experienced years I would not have recognized so.
Aug 8th 2014 new

www.youtube.com Joni Mitchell "I am a Woman of Heart & Mind" (just 1 off color word/ but a great song.

Hi Connie.

Not so much the same personality type. Your article does state some things that are red flags when encountered. I began to see how some of that narssism was not healthy. He wasn't controlling in an overt way. but..I still don't know if he is a sociopath or what. Then we want to fix them & then get fed up. & think we're not showing Christian humility ( when they are flirting with other gals when with us even)

The CM personality types has been enlightening.

Thank goodness I just had to work with plain ole huge ego with my husband.


Words to the song:

I am a woman of heart & mind. with time on her hands, no child to raise. You come to me like a little boy, & I give you my scorn & my praise. You think I like your mother or sister, or the queen of your dreams or just another silly girl when love makes a fool of me.

After the rush when you come back down you're always disappointed nothing seems to keep you high. Drive your bargains, push your papers, win your medal, screw your strangers, don't it leave you on the empty side?

I'm looking for affection & respect a little passion & you want stimulation-nothing more that's what I think. but you know i'll try to be there for you when your spirits start to sink

All this talk about holiness now it must be the start of the latest style. Is it all books & word? or do you really laugh really care? smile when you smile?

You criticize & flatter, You imitate the best & the rest you memorize. You know the times you impress me most are the times that you don't even try... that you don't even try.


Aug 8th 2014 new
For me, I keep away from bigger than life pretty ladies who tend to be flirty and often have men hanging around them. These tend to be ladies who go through men. I have always found them very attractive, but they are not good for me, I learned that in college. I have kept my distance from them for a long time, a self-defense strategy. It does not usually take long to figure out who they are.

I don't know that this personality is necessarily a toxic person, but no matter if they are toxic or not, if you have a repeated problem with a given personality type, you just need to stay away.

Maybe that is the key, once you figure out what kind of dysfunctional person that you have trouble with, always run in the opposite direction when you meet them or recognize them. It could be considered a kind of discipline, to just keep your distance from those folks, or run away if you are already involved.

My spouse was a plain spoken woman, kind of the opposite of that description. She one time befriended one of these ladies, and was surprised to learn that I put her in that category. It is almost like staying away from the cookie table for me. I am probably fortunate that no ladies of that type have taken a fancy to me, it would be hard for me to resist. Luckily I don't meet such ladies very often, maybe once every five years.
Aug 8th 2014 new
Very interesting article. Thanks for sharing!

Aug 8th 2014 new
(quote) Connie-17641 said: This is too serious of a topic for a single website. After reading the article I was hoping to hear of others here who have seen similarities with the people they date.
thank you Carol for you feedback. :)
Connie, Thank you for sharing this article. I always told my former husband, "If I didn't marry you I would have married somebody just like you." I always knew this to be true but never knew why. Even the therapist couldn't convince me that I married one of my parents. Nearly three years after meeting with that therapist I was visiting my mother and she used the EXACT same words and phrases as my former husband. It was chilling, to say the least. As time passed I noticed that she responded and reacted the same as he in many situations. I MARRIED MY MOTHER!!
In the article it states that many times we marry the opposite sex parent however in my case I married the same sex parent. My mother has suffered from untreated general depression her entire life, and so does my former spouse. Both are narcissists and neither can empathize; a double whammy.
I am very much aware of the fact that I am attracted to narcissists so I have pretty much resigned myself to a life of "bowling alone".
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