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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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I've had a few dates where I had agreed to meet a lady in a public place, surrounded by many other people. Yet, some of them right away say they want their "friend" to come along. Usually another woman, more likely a couple.

This is rather rude.

I could see it if I'd asked her to meet in a very private place, possibly. But I'd never do that on a first date. I don't like hearing the excuse of "well you never know these days". I've decided I won't go out with women who do this in the future. It assumes the man is somehow dangerous and it stifles conversation, knowing that the likely reason for the "friend" is to size me up.

Aug 13th new
(quote) Andrew-1045895 said:

I've had a few dates where I had agreed to meet a lady in a public place, surrounded by many other people. Yet, some of them right away say they want their "friend" to come along. Usually another woman, more likely a couple.

This is rather rude.

I could see it if I'd asked her to meet in a very private place, possibly. But I'd never do that on a first date. I don't like hearing the excuse of "well you never know these days". I've decided I won't go out with women who do this in the future. It assumes the man is somehow dangerous and it stifles conversation, knowing that the likely reason for the "friend" is to size me up.

At Our "AGE" Bro; I Agree with ya (100%) I wouldn't do it either; Have another so called "Chaprone" a Friend along ona date; I can just hear getting bombarded with question after question; And if its for a Meal; Now way i could (ever) Enjoy my meal (Nope)
Aug 13th new
(quote) Andrew-1045895 said:

I've had a few dates where I had agreed to meet a lady in a public place, surrounded by many other people. Yet, some of them right away say they want their "friend" to come along. Usually another woman, more likely a couple.

This is rather rude.

I could see it if I'd asked her to meet in a very private place, possibly. But I'd never do that on a first date. I don't like hearing the excuse of "well you never know these days". I've decided I won't go out with women who do this in the future. It assumes the man is somehow dangerous and it stifles conversation, knowing that the likely reason for the "friend" is to size me up.

Yes that seems very weird IMHO
Aug 13th new
(quote) Andrew-1045895 said:

I could see it if I'd asked her to meet in a very private place, possibly. But I'd never do that on a first date. I don't like hearing the excuse of "well you never know these days". 

That is a good point. It is one thing to be reasonably cautious but another to stifle the chance of getting to know each other. I hope they did not intend to come off as rude but perhaps did not realize how unfriendly their perhaps excessive caution appears.

I grew up in Chicago and take as given that you do not get in someone's car or go somewhere alone or private when you have just met someone. That is not something I would discuss with a date, while a practical safety precaution it is a bit of a mood dampener to bring up. You, from your post intend to show respect for a ladies safety concerns by suggesting first meetings in well light public places.

Personally I think things like a casual restaurant, a fair, zoo or other place like that is great for a first meeting. Not just for safety considerations but also just as a low key way to get to know each other.

Perhaps the intent not to imply you were dangerous but they wanted you to meet their friends. Someone who feels like a person they meet online should be friends first and then see if romance blossoms might literally want to see how you interact with their friends...or perhaps she did not drive, or as you said she might have wanted to discuss you with her friends. At least in that case you can feel fascinating instead of dangerous ;)

Hope your next dates go better....
Aug 13th new
(quote) Andrew-1045895 said:

I've had a few dates where I had agreed to meet a lady in a public place, surrounded by many other people. Yet, some of them right away say they want their "friend" to come along. Usually another woman, more likely a couple.

This is rather rude.

I could see it if I'd asked her to meet in a very private place, possibly. But I'd never do that on a first date. I don't like hearing the excuse of "well you never know these days". I've decided I won't go out with women who do this in the future. It assumes the man is somehow dangerous and it stifles conversation, knowing that the likely reason for the "friend" is to size me up.

I would find that situation very awkward for everyone. What a strange thing to do to someone on a first date! Good grief! Did she tell you she was bringing a group? I think it is best to meet in a public place, but how on earth can you even have a discussion with the person you are meeting?

Meeting friends and family should occur only after a rapport, interest has been established - not as part of a beta test...

I wish you better luck on your next date.
Aug 13th new
I did that to someone once. Granted, I was younger, it was my first date (ever) and we had never met before. I took my older sister as the 'chaperone' person, but she brought a friend. The intentions were for her to stay somewhat near, but also have their own time away from us on our date. My mom ended up having me bring a 3rd person because she didn't want her to feel left out.
The guy had okay'd it all, and even though all 3 girls kept their distance, it did NOT feel like a date.

I would NOT do something like that again. I either go on my own to a public place to meet, or if it's an LDR (plane type far), I think I would bring my sister, but still go on the date alone. (if I were the one traveling)
Aug 13th new

It's not nice to totally outnumber a new friend. Everyone wants to be the sole focus of someone else's attention.

Different if it's not a "date", for example, if you -- a CM male friend -- were coming to my area, I might gather a group of other friends as a welcoming committee.

But not if you or I expected a close relationship was in the works.

Aug 13th new

Maybe your date wanted to participate in some group adult activities for the evening, that's why the friend(s).

Aug 13th new
Really inappropriate dating behaviour. What the woman in that situation could do, though, is to say "I'm having half a dozen people over to my place for a little party on Aug. 29, and I'd like you to come". But that wouldn't be a 'date' or represented as one.
Aug 13th new
I have encountered a few profiles that gave off a fearful vibe. One even asserted one of her family members would accompany her on any first date. I can imagine several reasons for this:
  1. She has some trepidation about dating after a very long absence.
  2. She had a scary (or even violent) encounter with a previous date.
  3. She is paranoid to some degree (even to the point of unhealthy mental anguish).
  4. She needs others to judge her dates (because she does a really poor job of it).
  5. Her native culture requires "family" to ascertain the worthiness of potential dates.
  6. Her Safety is something she has chosen not to put at risk.
  7. It's easier to assume all men are pigs until one proves her wrong.
  8. Perhaps there is something in your profile/messages that doesn't exude Safety.
Some of the above possibilities seem reasonable or understandable to me. Some ... not so much.

So the question becomes: Are you willing and able to devote the time and energy to figure out what is going on?
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