(quote) Natalie-778707 said: Hello to everyone! This is my 1st post, so I'll keep it short and sweet. As an online dater for several years, I've learned to ask the important questions in the beginning 3-4 dates so as not to waste each other's time. With that said, recently I went on my 1st date from CM, where within the 1st 20-30mins of the date, I was asked, "how would you handle the finances in a marriage?" I've never been asked that question, but answered it to the best of my ability. He didn't like my answer and said, "You make it seem like a business relationship. You have to understand that in a marriage 2 become 1. My debts become yours and yours become mine."
As an independent healthcare professional, who is financially stable, I respectfully disagree. I do Not expect my future boyfriend/match/spouse to pay for my student loans/debts. Debts acquired prior to a marriage are the individual's issue. Debts acquired together in a marriage such as a mortgage, I can understand.
I felt like I had failed a job interview and had spoken to someone who either had nothing to lose OR had been given/handed many things in life without having to work for things. Any tips, pointers, suggestions would be appreciated. Big Thanks! :)
As with the others, I agree you dodged a bullet. Whew!
Now, having said that, let me share with you how things worked in my first marriage to my deceased husband. We were both what you would call "late bloomers." I was 35 yrs old and he 36 yrs old when we met, 36 and 37 when we married. We both had careers, debt, and we thought we were really clever about how we would handle our finances. We decided on a "Yours, Mine, and Ours" approach. I had my own checking account to which my paycheck was deposited and he had his. We had a "house" account for marital bills. Well, you can see where that is all going. I left my job 6 months after we were married because I was working in a very emotionally toxic work environment (the company folded 6 months later and all the jobs went away then). I had to get out but that left me with no income until something else came along. Needless to say, we had to take the risk to combine our finances, and he took on the paying of most of our bills/debt. And guess what happened? We began to experience true unity in our marriage.
I think it's very wise to find out at some point early in a relationship how much debt a potential spouse has, how they are paying that debt off, and their general attitude about money, but it's really going to be up to the two of you to decide how much debt you are comfortable carrying, because you have to realize that in life nothing is certain, and so at some point you might be paying his debt or he yours. That's what marriage is truly about.