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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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I met someone from another site. She listed 34 as her age. We began exchanging numbers and started texting each other. She told me that she's actually 43. I am really angry because obviously she lied! Although we had nice conversations but this is huge. It cannot be justified. I'm thinking about parting way with her but there is the compassionate side of me pulling me back and telling me to forgive...to just be a friend to her. I am not sure what to do. It is just not a good impression. Any advice?
Sep 3rd new
(quote) Khoa-813439 said: I met someone from another site. She listed 34 as her age. We began exchanging numbers and started texting each other. She told me that she's actually 43. I am really angry because obviously she lied! Although we had nice conversations but this is huge. It cannot be justified. I'm thinking about parting way with her but there is the compassionate side of me pulling me back and telling me to forgive...to just be a friend to her. I am not sure what to do. It is just not a good impression. Any advice?
An omission of all facts of her life is one thing but a lie? I can't work IMHO because you will question everything she says, everything she 'is' and any commitments she might make. My advise in a nutshell is: run...and tell your Guardian Angel thank you for the guidance early on.
Sep 3rd new
This is a person who significantly misrepresented herself. While it is great that you are trying to be a compassionate person, you are legitimately angry. It would be hard to build trust with someone who doesn't value honesty. And that is the natural consequence of her poor choice. I say cut your losses and move on.
Sep 3rd new

Khoa,

If I can tell you a little story about my parents(1930). Mother was 23 and dad supposedly 22 1/2

when they were filling out the marriage forms at the Court House. Mother happened to look

over at dad's portion of the form and said: Oh, John, you made a mistake you wrote down 20 years of age. Dad admitted he was only 20. Mother asked him why he lied and he replied, I was afraid if I told you the truth you wouldn't marry me. Well, mother did marry dad and they

were married for 69+ yrs and totally devoted to each other. End of Story

Of course, lying is not acceptable, but sometimes a little fib concerning some light hearted thing could be addressed but kind of let the person know that you trust them with what you are telling them and you expect the same honesty in return. If lying continues, then end it. In your case, she shaved off a bit too many years. She must have looked pretty good to get away with it for a period of time. Don't even think to ask me how much I weigh. In 34 yrs I was married not even my husband knew my weight and this was weighing from 99lbs to ???. Nope, not on you life. But that's me.

Sep 3rd new
Is this the woman who has an auto-immune disease which is killing her? Does she have some significant fears or anxieties about being alone? I'm not saying that justifies what she did, but it might explain it.

As to your specific question, yes, you can be friends with a liar. You can be charitable and helpful, but without mutual trust, it will generally be a unidirectional affair.

Perhaps there is some way for her to re-build trust. You just need to remember to verify everything of any importance (like everything she told you on your meet-n-greet). And a certain degree of clinical detachment may be necessary.
Sep 3rd new
Nope that is a huge lie. Nine years Completely wrong. You need to look at her motivation for telling such a wopper.I think you would be very unwise to attempt a romantic relationship with her The thing is if she lied about her age you have to ask yourself what else would she be willing to lie about? The industry that I work is filled with compulsive liars. Some people say whatever they like to gain some advantage.
Sep 3rd new
(quote) Khoa-813439 said: I met someone from another site. She listed 34 as her age. We began exchanging numbers and started texting each other. She told me that she's actually 43. I am really angry because obviously she lied! Although we had nice conversations but this is huge. It cannot be justified. I'm thinking about parting way with her but there is the compassionate side of me pulling me back and telling me to forgive...to just be a friend to her. I am not sure what to do. It is just not a good impression. Any advice?
Maybe she is dyslexic and bad at math? scratchchin

or would that be a lie too?
Sep 3rd new
(quote) Shirley-1087112 said:

Khoa,

If I can tell you a little story about my parents(1930). Mother was 23 and dad supposedly 22 1/2

when they were filling out the marriage forms at the Court House. Mother happened to look

over at dad's portion of the form and said: Oh, John, you made a mistake you wrote down 20 years of age. Dad admitted he was only 20. Mother asked him why he lied and he replied, I was afraid if I told you the truth you wouldn't marry me. Well, mother did marry dad and they

were married for 69+ yrs and totally devoted to each other. End of Story


Down to the ages, almost this exact thing happened to me with my ex-fianc when applying for credit for something. He tried to tell me his drivers license was wrong but he still had to put down what was on his license...I'm not that dumb. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he only lied so I wouldn't break up with him. The only difference is I didn't marry him. He ended up lying about EVERYTHING! I asked what he had for lunch he would say McDonalds when he actually had Subway. Completely pointless lies. He was a compulsive liar. That was over five years ago and I still have major trust issues.
Sep 3rd new
A number of thoughts here
  • Dyslexia 34, 43, just sayin'
  • Assuming she wrote the profile with the incorrect age before she even knew you existed, why take it as a sin against you personally? She lied, she didn't lie just to you
  • Sounds like you've already decided she's lower than dirt so why ask what to do?
Virginia now stoops down to scribble in the dirt while those who are not without sin put down the stones and back away without a word.
Sep 3rd new

Agree with you Virginia. Khoa hasn't known her long enough to see if this is a consistent pattern....then that's a different story.

Do any of you remember the I love Lucy segment when she was challenged not to tell a lie for 24 hrs. it caused more trouble when she had to tell her friends that their hat was ugly or they really didn't like the person, etc.

In my opinion, if all else was to your liking, give her another chance and at least give her a chance to explain. It may be because she was so smitten with you, she was afraid of losing you.

Totally agree with Virginia, those without sin, throw the first stone.

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