(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said:
(Quote) Cheryl-381647 said:
Right after my divorce almost 7 years ago ...
(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said:
Quote: Cheryl-381647 said:
Right after my divorce almost 7 years ago now, i was encouraged to BE. At first it was a good support, but after only 3 or 4 months they were encouraging dating and I wasn't at all ready for that yet, then when I found out one of the leaders was posing as "single" but met his wife, this guy only wore his wedding ring on Sundays to church? Go figure, I was disgusted and quit .
I can't speak for any of the other groups. I can speak for ours. The only people on team that are married are various clergy that have served, and they have all been clear about their spouses. As for pushing dating, again that's not something in our methods. We discourage dating between team members even, and that IS in the bylaws. I'm truly sorry that you had a bad experience.
Oh, dear. Just like with anything, the experience from a few can color the whole. A few erring examples of BE people, and the whole process is thought of negatively. A few Catholics acting badly, and the whole Church can be rejected. For lack of better words right now: I hope that poor experiences with any greater idea or organization would be separated from the philosophy that is the foundation of the entity.
The process that the BE ministry espouses is quite sound, based in both spirituality and psychology. We've got the "pope" of the organization (in Indiana, I think), whose responsibility is to certify individual teams as to whether they are following BE practices and guidelines properly. Each individual team has its Board of Directors charged with keeping their team on track, as well as growing the team in addition to putting on the weekends. And most teams have a spiritual advisor, most often a priest, who is there to help the process and participate on the weekends in a limited way. It is not to be professional counseling. It is, however, advertised as a peer-led ministry, the "walking wounded helping the walking wounded" because who better can understand what you're going through than another person in the same boat? The team members are just a bit ahead of the participants in traveling their journey through grief. Most of the "work" to help oneself has to be done by the individual; no one can do it for you. But the team members are there to shine the flashlight or offer a helping hand. Just like our Church is not made up of perfect people but of sinners, BE is not made up of perfect people but of those grieving the death of their marriage, whether through separation, divorce, or actual death. Of course, mistakes will be made; through his or her own weaknesses or needs, a person might stray from what BE is supposed to be. That is unfortunate, and that person should be gently confronted and corrected. As to dating, I believe all teams are to advise participants to refrain from dating for at least 90 days after the weekend, and of course longer if necessary, until the individual has taken more time to process through their feelings more properly. If a BE team
member was pushing a person to date--well, that's wrong...misguided, at the least. I hope that you told BE leadership, Cheryl, about this so that they can curb this individual.