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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Who's grave-site is it?

05/03/2012 new

Hi everyone, there is a topic in the 45 and up forum about preparing for your funeral so that your family doesn't need to make so many decisions. My question is specific to widows and widowers. When my husband was buried I also purchased a grave-site for myself. My late husband and I even share a common head stone with my name engraved just waiting for that dash to be filled in. My question is in regards to a possible future spouse and if this would bother them terribly? My thinking at the time was to have one burial site that my daughter could visit her mother and father together. I mean all these things are for the living aren't they? So it is really a grave-site for my daughter no?

05/03/2012 new

(Quote) Susan-814299 said: Hi everyone, there is a topic in the 45 and up forum about preparing for your funeral so that you...
(Quote) Susan-814299 said:

Hi everyone, there is a topic in the 45 and up forum about preparing for your funeral so that your family doesn't need to make so many decisions. My question is specific to widows and widowers. When my husband was buried I also purchased a grave-site for myself. My late husband and I even share a common head stone with my name engraved just waiting for that dash to be filled in. My question is in regards to a possible future spouse and if this would bother them terribly? My thinking at the time was to have one burial site that my daughter could visit her mother and father together. I mean all these things are for the living aren't they? So it is really a grave-site for my daughter no?

--hide--

We visit a memory.

05/03/2012 new

(Quote) Richard-143340 said: We visit a memory.
(Quote) Richard-143340 said:

We visit a memory.

--hide--
How true, Richard, how true!!!

05/03/2012 new

(Quote) Susan-814299 said: Hi everyone, there is a topic in the 45 and up forum about preparing for your funeral so that you...
(Quote) Susan-814299 said:

Hi everyone, there is a topic in the 45 and up forum about preparing for your funeral so that your family doesn't need to make so many decisions. My question is specific to widows and widowers. When my husband was buried I also purchased a grave-site for myself. My late husband and I even share a common head stone with my name engraved just waiting for that dash to be filled in. My question is in regards to a possible future spouse and if this would bother them terribly? My thinking at the time was to have one burial site that my daughter could visit her mother and father together. I mean all these things are for the living aren't they? So it is really a grave-site for my daughter no?

--hide--
Not to worry, Susan. I did the same thing, only to start thinking about it about a year later. At that time though, there was no knowledge of ever marrying someone else in the future. If that were the case, there would be no problem. From what I gather from women I've dated, and from a local widows and widowers group, people respect the first marriage because (the law of averages prevails here), a second marriage won't last as long (because of age). There is a high regard for the first marriage that ended in "death do us part". It seemed to bother no one that the final resting place for them would be in a different place.

Even though we would like to stay together even afterward, it's not always possible or feasible.

As Richard wisely stated, we're visiting a memory.....

05/03/2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Not to worry, Susan. I did the same thing, only to start thinking about it about a year later. At t...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Not to worry, Susan. I did the same thing, only to start thinking about it about a year later. At that time though, there was no knowledge of ever marrying someone else in the future. If that were the case, there would be no problem. From what I gather from women I've dated, and from a local widows and widowers group, people respect the first marriage because (the law of averages prevails here), a second marriage won't last as long (because of age). There is a high regard for the first marriage that ended in "death do us part". It seemed to bother no one that the final resting place for them would be in a different place.

Even though we would like to stay together even afterward, it's not always possible or feasible.

As Richard wisely stated, we're visiting a memory.....

--hide--
Thank you Ray.

05/03/2012 new

(Quote) Richard-143340 said: We visit a memory.
(Quote) Richard-143340 said:

We visit a memory.

--hide--

Thank you Richard. I mirror your sentiments. I miss not having that special person around to validate your thinking.

05/04/2012 new

With all the technology around to make and store audio and video images of loved ones, it might be the case that gravesite visits won't be the only way to keep in emotional touch with deceased loved ones. Media archives will do part of the job on a daily basis; you can view them at any time. And if the loved one chooses to be cremated, you can even have him or her at home with you in an urn.


Until very recently, photographs were the only reminders available to be touched and felt. They felt personal but perhaps not as personal as visiting a grave (that's for people who choose to be buried, not cremated). Then came film reels of vacations and birthdays and so forth on home projectors, followed by video cassettes (both of which can, I guess, be digitalised to a DVD now), of the loved one speaking, laughing and, in general, carrying on with the business of living.


Perhaps, like a living will, people close to death or who are in expectation of death in the medium term future should consider make living commemorations, sort of like 'I love you' post-it notes in a lunchbox. Will that feel morbid? I don't know. Or perhaps the family should just take lots of movies of themselves carrying on. If a still picture is worth a thousand words, what is a moving picture worth, or a moving picture with voice?

05/04/2012 new

(Quote) Susan-814299 said: Hi everyone, there is a topic in the 45 and up forum about preparing for your funeral so that you...
(Quote) Susan-814299 said:

Hi everyone, there is a topic in the 45 and up forum about preparing for your funeral so that your family doesn't need to make so many decisions. My question is specific to widows and widowers. When my husband was buried I also purchased a grave-site for myself. My late husband and I even share a common head stone with my name engraved just waiting for that dash to be filled in. My question is in regards to a possible future spouse and if this would bother them terribly? My thinking at the time was to have one burial site that my daughter could visit her mother and father together. I mean all these things are for the living aren't they? So it is really a grave-site for my daughter no?

--hide--


This question is a very strange one for me and it is premature for me to conjecture, but Phil is buried on the Air Force Academy (it took an act of congress). I am entitled to be buried on top of him (yes, he would see the humor) and if I remarry, any future spouse can be buried sandwich style. I have no idea about this. I am not dating anyone, but thoughts?

05/05/2012 new

(Quote) Linda-756196 said: (Quote) Susan-814299 said: Hi everyone, there is a topic in the 45 and up ...
(Quote) Linda-756196 said:

Quote:
Susan-814299 said:

Hi everyone, there is a topic in the 45 and up forum about preparing for your funeral so that your family doesn't need to make so many decisions. My question is specific to widows and widowers. When my husband was buried I also purchased a grave-site for myself. My late husband and I even share a common head stone with my name engraved just waiting for that dash to be filled in. My question is in regards to a possible future spouse and if this would bother them terribly? My thinking at the time was to have one burial site that my daughter could visit her mother and father together. I mean all these things are for the living aren't they? So it is really a grave-site for my daughter no?




This question is a very strange one for me and it is premature for me to conjecture, but Phil is buried on the Air Force Academy (it took an act of congress). I am entitled to be buried on top of him (yes, he would see the humor) and if I remarry, any future spouse can be buried sandwich style. I have no idea about this. I am not dating anyone, but thoughts?

--hide--
When my husband was buried I also purchased a grave-site for myself. My late husband and I even share a common head stone with my name engraved just waiting for that dash to be filled in.

Susan, I recently did the same thing. I wanted things taken care of so my kids didn't need to worry about this in the future. If I am blessed to find someone new, I hope they will understand. I think that is why I am more interested in finding a fellow widower - I think they might feel the same way.

05/05/2012 new

I wouldn't think so as it is your decision what to do with your remains.

(Quote) Susan-814299 said: Hi everyone, there is a topic in the 45 and up forum about preparing for your funeral so that you...
(Quote) Susan-814299 said:

Hi everyone, there is a topic in the 45 and up forum about preparing for your funeral so that your family doesn't need to make so many decisions. My question is specific to widows and widowers. When my husband was buried I also purchased a grave-site for myself. My late husband and I even share a common head stone with my name engraved just waiting for that dash to be filled in. My question is in regards to a possible future spouse and if this would bother them terribly? My thinking at the time was to have one burial site that my daughter could visit her mother and father together. I mean all these things are for the living aren't they? So it is really a grave-site for my daughter no?

--hide--

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