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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
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09/15/2012 new
Anne-Marie and Ray, Ann-Marie, thank you for opening this thread and Ray for your input. My wife and I were married for 58 years. 57 of them were absolutely wonderful even with a few ups and downs. She was called home to the Father 4 months ago. For the year before that I had to act as a full time caregiver. She had many problems including COPD and an illestomy. I tried to have caregivers for her but the erxpense became too great. I have a great desire for a female companion to have dinner with or take an ocasional day trip. For this reason I joined CM. To date I have not made contact with any of several possible matches because I feel uncomfortabble with making a move in that direction due to the recent passing of my wife. I still truely miss her. That said, am I rushing to find a new companion or friend? (not thinking remarriage at this time) I really would like to go out for a nice dinner with someone to talk with (on any subject). I just feel lonely and lost at times. At my age I do not think that long period of moourning is totally necessary.
09/15/2012 new

Everyone is different. I had a good friend that I served as an advisor of a youth group with. Her husband was killed in an accident when her babies were, small 18 mos - 4 years I think. I asked her once on a road trip why she had never remarried. Her answer was simple, "I did one time. He was not Tom." She went on to say that she sat down and thanked God for her wonderful husband, for the opportunity to have a family with him even though their time together was short, and got up and got on with her life. She never went on another date. She raised her babies and saw all three girls give birth to their first baby.


When she was dying, she only allowed only her best friend with her. She did not want her children to see her suffer. When I spoke to her friend a while later, she shared Marilyn's last few minutes. She said that Marilyn got the most beautiful smile on her face and said, "I have to go now. Tom has come for me."

There is NO formula for grief, how long it takes to move on, or even if we do. There should be no judgment. Your grief is yours and yours alone. After a marriage of that longevity, God blessed you and gave you the tools to have a happy relationship. We should never waste God's gift to us. I hope you find a dinner companion very soon. God bless you and thank you for sharing with us. heart

09/16/2012 new

We all grieve in our own time and our own way. There are days when it seems as if it was just yesterday that my husband passed, and then there are days when it seems like it was eons ago. One thing I know for sure though, you NEVER stop with the memories. I just try to get through the loneliness and pain. (four years since his passing)

Tomorrow is my husbands birthday, so I know it will be one of those days where the pain will overtake me. Truth is, I've felt the searing pain all week. In fact, the tears are flowing freely as I'm trying to write this. sad

09/16/2012 new

(Quote) Linda-624584 said: We all grieve in our own time and our own way. There are days when it seems as if it was just yes...
(Quote) Linda-624584 said:

We all grieve in our own time and our own way. There are days when it seems as if it was just yesterday that my husband passed, and then there are days when it seems like it was eons ago. One thing I know for sure though, you NEVER stop with the memories. I just try to get through the loneliness and pain. (four years since his passing)

Tomorrow is my husbands birthday, so I know it will be one of those days where the pain will overtake me. Truth is, I've felt the searing pain all week. In fact, the tears are flowing freely as I'm trying to write this.

--hide--


God bless you, Linda for your honesty and for sharing. He holds all of in the palm of His hand. Keep sharing and treasure the memories.

09/18/2012 new

Richard, I agree with you that each person grieves at their own pace. "Everyone" told me when my husband died 2 years ago, about the stages of grief and that I pretty much should give myself a year to go the process and to do nothing extraordinary, nor make any rash decisions. Well, all this sounded like good advice for the most part, and I decided not to do much except to take each day at a time and go with the flow of how I felt. I certainly didn't feel like I got "over" my husband's passing within that frame of time. In fact, I have found the second year a lot harder to bear. I did move earlier this year from Denver to Fort Collins, to be closer to my son and my grandchildren, and, inasmuch as I love them very much, I am glad I moved closer, however, it brought me no special relief from thinking of my husband and missing him terribly. We spent 37 years together, the first two getting to know each other and dating. Ultimately, we got married and spent 35 years together as a married couple. There is a lot that you share with one person in all those years - a lot of bonding, love and just plain sharing a life that I don't think you quite get over it ever, let alone in a year or two. I loved him a lot, he was a terrific person, husband, father and friend and I miss his companionship. He was born in Colorado and we enjoyed all the outdoor activities that this beautiful state has to offer and I find everyday grieving a little bit the loss of him.


I must add, that I have not made the best of having moved to Fort Collins yet. I don't miss my house in Denver as much, but miss my neighborhood, the stores I frequented, my friends, my neighbors, etc., and this has made it all a little more difficult. I have been reluctant to go out and meet any people. I worked for many years and had a very active life as a professional in my job, as well as a mother and wife, and yet I had felt like not doing very much now. I know I must get out and "get connected" to people again, but I have found it very difficult to do. And, I feel lonely and need the companionship of people and a man. Still grieving.

09/19/2012 new

(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said: Everyone is different. I had a good friend that I served as an advisor of a youth group with....
(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said:

Everyone is different. I had a good friend that I served as an advisor of a youth group with. Her husband was killed in an accident when her babies were, small 18 mos - 4 years I think. I asked her once on a road trip why she had never remarried. Her answer was simple, "I did one time. He was not Tom." She went on to say that she sat down and thanked God for her wonderful husband, for the opportunity to have a family with him even though their time together was short, and got up and got on with her life. She never went on another date. She raised her babies and saw all three girls give birth to their first baby.


When she was dying, she only allowed only her best friend with her. She did not want her children to see her suffer. When I spoke to her friend a while later, she shared Marilyn's last few minutes. She said that Marilyn got the most beautiful smile on her face and said, "I have to go now. Tom has come for me."

There is NO formula for grief, how long it takes to move on, or even if we do. There should be no judgment. Your grief is yours and yours alone. After a marriage of that longevity, God blessed you and gave you the tools to have a happy relationship. We should never waste God's gift to us. I hope you find a dinner companion very soon. God bless you and thank you for sharing with us.

--hide--
Anne Marie, you are right. There is no real formula. After my Mom passed away over 6 years ago....my Father was left pretty devastated. We as his children had to get him some medical help for his depression. Course he himself was terminal, partially deaf and blind; and had a bad heart. (the fifteen months he lived were probably the BEST fifteen I ever had with him) So one day I said to him: "You know Dad....for the first time in 62 years...you're single!" (I did this mostly to draw a reaction from him and to tease him about flirting with the ladies at the facilities where he lived. He wasn't flirting...he just was a big hit... being the complete gentleman he was.) He said, "Yeah....that's right. But I still love and think about Mom so much....I'll NEVER take this off." (pointing to his wedding band) I said..."I thought you'd say that Pop. Maybe...because she LIVES on in all of us (my brothers and sisters) that's all you need." He teared up then...and said, "Yeah....I don't know what I'd do without you kids." But....she lived on in him too...because I went to his "assisted living" facilities; and on several occasions found him saying his rosary alone. The first time I saw this....I said, "Dad, whatcha doing saying the rosary...by yourself?" (he would say it WITH my Mom but never alone when she was alive) He said, "Well, I'm picking up where your Mother left off." (my Mom said the rosary every day)

So, in retrospect I think he DEALT with the loneliness in his own way....and we became close...but mostly I think he prayed....and BELIEVED prayer.....and the presence of his family would get him by....(and the wedding band?.....yours truly has it!)

09/19/2012 new

That's awesome Jerry!!! It's refreshing and gives me hope when I see marriages of long standing and love that goes on beyond death. Truly beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing! heart

09/19/2012 new

(Quote) John-34848 said: (Quote) Linda-624584 said: We all grieve in our own time and our own way. Th...
(Quote) John-34848 said:

Quote:
Linda-624584 said:

We all grieve in our own time and our own way. There are days when it seems as if it was just yesterday that my husband passed, and then there are days when it seems like it was eons ago. One thing I know for sure though, you NEVER stop with the memories. I just try to get through the loneliness and pain. (four years since his passing)

Tomorrow is my husbands birthday, so I know it will be one of those days where the pain will overtake me. Truth is, I've felt the searing pain all week. In fact, the tears are flowing freely as I'm trying to write this.




God bless you, Linda for your honesty and for sharing. He holds all of in the palm of His hand. Keep sharing and treasure the memories.

--hide--
Hi John,

Thank you for the kind words, and acknowledging my grief. God bless you. rose Dove

09/19/2012 new

(Quote) Linda-624584 said: Hi John, Thank you for the kind words, and acknowledging my grief. God bless you....
(Quote) Linda-624584 said:

Hi John,

Thank you for the kind words, and acknowledging my grief. God bless you.

--hide--
Your late husband's birthday has passed -- another year gone by. Does it get easier? Dare we even ask that question? The hurt remains -- what improves is our tolerance and will to go on. There is the hope that tomorrow will be a better day. We have to cling to that. hug

09/19/2012 new

(Quote) Ed-890453 said: Anne-Marie and Ray, Ann-Marie, thank you for opening this thread and Ray for your input. My wife and I were...
(Quote) Ed-890453 said: Anne-Marie and Ray, Ann-Marie, thank you for opening this thread and Ray for your input. My wife and I were married for 58 years. 57 of them were absolutely wonderful even with a few ups and downs. She was called home to the Father 4 months ago. For the year before that I had to act as a full time caregiver. She had many problems including COPD and an illestomy. I tried to have caregivers for her but the erxpense became too great. I have a great desire for a female companion to have dinner with or take an ocasional day trip. For this reason I joined CM. To date I have not made contact with any of several possible matches because I feel uncomfortabble with making a move in that direction due to the recent passing of my wife. I still truely miss her. That said, am I rushing to find a new companion or friend? (not thinking remarriage at this time) I really would like to go out for a nice dinner with someone to talk with (on any subject). I just feel lonely and lost at times. At my age I do not think that long period of moourning is totally necessary.
--hide--
Ed -- we all need compantionship -- no matter what our age might be or our circumstances in life. We hope you find what you are seeking. You've built up a pretty good track record -- 58 years is a major achievement!!! I'm sure you will treasure the memory of those years.

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