(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:
Hi, Linda.I'm sorry I missed your post and hope you were able to get through ...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:
I'm sorry I missed your post and hope you were able to get through your husband's birthday without too much heartache. Some days will just always be hard. Just having you here, on CM, willing to give your heart away to another man is testament to your husband's love for you. Grief will always be with us. Like an old worn out sweater you can't give away, it will wrap us up and keep us isolated on the worst days and give us reason to laugh and hang back in the closet on others. It's one of those things you have to walk through because there is no getting around it. Do you find yourself seeing him in other things? I'm just curious. I feel closest to my Bob when I see eagles. I have a friend who feels close to her sister when she sees dragonflies. Another senses her parents in the doves that hang around her back porch. I pray tour week is filled with happy thoughts, my friend. Take good care.
Thanks for your kind words. I was able to get through the day without so much heartache as I had experienced in previous years. I was telling a friend that in years past, starting about a month before Bob's birthday, our anniversary, or any significant date with meaning, I would experience an off feeling. I knew there was something wrong, or not quite right with my internal feelings, but couldn't place what it was. Eventually, maybe a week or so before the significant date, I would realize what was coming up. And then it all made sense to me. So of course I would spend the next week in such pain and agony. I would wrap myself up in the pain of missing Bob, and the memories.
I can say that this year was different for me. I didn't have the "off feeling" for a month prior to his birthday. My sadness and loneliness actually took hold of me on Saturday. (two days before his birthday) I consider this progress, or acceptance, if you will. You never forget, but you learn to keep it compartmentalized. It's kind of like that "old worn out sweater" you were talking about......I wouldn't wear the sweater everyday, but there are those days when you need to feel the comfort of something so familiar and soothing.
As far as your question about seeing Bob in other things.....Yes, I always think of Bob when I see a deer cross my path. He was an avid hunter. In fact a month and a half before he passed, he wanted to go bow hunting one last time, up in northern Mich. (opening day, Oct. 1st.) I made sure that became a reality for him. His next goal was to go rifle hunting one last time. This was not to be, as he passed away on opening day of deer rifle season. (Nov.15th) So I guess it makes sense to think of him when I come across a deer.
Once again, Kathy, thank you for your kind thoughts. God bless you, my friend.