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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

06/19/2012 new

I put them in a box and set them on my former spouse's doorstep. Let it be his problem. He took the only picture that I wanted when he moved out and wouldn't give it back (it was a gorgeous photo of the two of us before we were married). He wouldn't even make a copy for me (said that the photo was clued to the glass, or something like that). So I figured if he wanted THAT photo so bad he could have all of them. We have 4 kids together but they don't have anything to do with him.

06/20/2012 new

Hi, Well my ex cut the one picture of me by myself the first pic in the wedding album, the schmucky jerk!, and he also somewhat destroyed one of my parents and I, it was very evil to do, I wanted to throw the whole album away because the marriage was a complete waste and not real, but my mother for some reason seems to wanted to keep it, so I boxed it up , and it is put away, we do have kids together, but they are boys and I dont think they will care about them when they are grown anyhow. So for now it is up in the hot humid attic of my Florida home and I really don't care if it rots out, I think we didnt throw it away because my parents paid for it and it wasn't cheap either. I have forgotten all about it.

06/20/2012 new
I was just cleaning put my basement and found cards that we exchanged over anniversaries. I was caught off guard since I moved out of the marital home and did not take anything like that with me. One of the.kids must have brought it in. I had a few tears of wo.during why if God hares divorce, why did I feel so called to get a divorce ( I am.in the process of filing out the annulment papers which.light help.me with this.) But I.also hear God say, " I have so much planned for you."
06/21/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: I need help with something.

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

I need help with something.

I don't know what to do with my wedding pictures. It seems rude to throw them in the dumpster. We don't have any kids together that might want them later....I don't really want to keep them. What do I do with them? Any ideas? Is there a way I can dispose of them that doesn't seem so mean, "Yep here go the wedding pictures, right into the dumpster." The thought of it makes me cry. But maybe that's the best thing to do.

If we had children together I would have saved them for them but we don't. I really don't want to keep dusting the album everyday. He's already got a new girlfriend.

Thanks for any suggestions--enjoy your weekend,

Lorrie

--hide--


Give em to your ex

06/22/2012 new

I saved mine for my son, but I have no idea if he'll really want them. His future wife may want them - for their future children to have historical photos of their grandparents. Sometimes it's nice to have them for family tree projects in school.

06/22/2012 new

Ooohhh ouch!!! This is something that I hadn't thought about, but I do still have my wedding photos. I can't look at them but they're there....lurking in a bookcase, ready to jump out at me when I least expect it....hmmm thank you for making me think!!!

06/22/2012 new

I'm lucky, wave we didn't have any wedding pictures.

06/27/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: (Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said: If you're done grieving, or mo...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

Quote:
AnneMarie-641597 said:



If you're done grieving, or mostly, I would go through and see if any beside the one you mentioned make you happy. If it does, transfer it to another album. If not, dump them, or burn them. I love the idea of the phoenix and new life rising from the ashes. It always seemed cathartic to me.


Thanks Annmarie! I ended up throwing them out. We didn't have children together so really there was no reason to keep them. Then yesterday I found a small one. It was our wedding reception and we were both dancing the polka. For some reason I held onto it. It didn't make me sad, on the contrary, it reminded me there were lots of good times, and to focus on the good and what I learned and not on the bad and how it ended. I was happy to see that I can do that --and I'm sure that will grow in time.

Lorrie

--hide--

It's interesting that you would mention remembering the good times. I just started the book "Mars & Venus Starting Over" by John Grey. He states that we can't move on to a new relationship till we've properly grieved the painful breakup of divorce. Part of that process is remembering the good times, allowing ourselves to experience the bittersweet pain of revisiting the dreams we once had, & then authentically experience the truth of loss. This is temporarily painful, but ultimately allows us to clear the slate & place what happened in the past in it's proper perspective. Haven't read the whole book yet, but am definitely finding food for thought... rose rose rose

06/27/2012 new

(Quote) Debbie-514749 said: It's interesting that you would mention remembering the good times. I just started ...
(Quote) Debbie-514749 said:

It's interesting that you would mention remembering the good times. I just started the book "Mars & Venus Starting Over" by John Grey. He states that we can't move on to a new relationship till we've properly grieved the painful breakup of divorce. Part of that process is remembering the good times, allowing ourselves to experience the bittersweet pain of revisiting the dreams we once had, & then authentically experience the truth of loss. This is temporarily painful, but ultimately allows us to clear the slate & place what happened in the past in it's proper perspective. Haven't read the whole book yet, but am definitely finding food for thought...

--hide--


I've read some of his other books. I'm not surprised to hear more good things. It makes all the sense in the world though. How could you possibly marry someone spend ANY time with them and NOT have some good memories? I was in love with my exhusband for close to 30 years. There's no way to 'turn it off'. I chose to grieve the marriage and the loss of dreams. I got to keep a wonderful sister-in-law who is one of the finest Christian ladies I've EVER met. I win. That was my first happy thought to cling to.


My hope, in grieving fully, is to let go of all the negative and replace it with a positive thought. Some examples: My exhusband cheated. I became broken enough to fully allow God to lead my life. I have permanent nerve damage in my leg. It's not something that shows, but incurs daily pain. I have learned compassion for those with chronic pain and/or disease. When I couldn't stop crying for the emotional pain, I asked God to use my pain to help someone, somehow. He gave me a ministry to serve in that does precisely that. Bit by bit, little by little, I am reclaiming my life with positive, grateful thoughts.


sorry for the hijack ashamed

06/28/2012 new

(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said: I've read some of his other books. I'm not surprised to hear more good t...
(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said:


I've read some of his other books. I'm not surprised to hear more good things. It makes all the sense in the world though. How could you possibly marry someone spend ANY time with them and NOT have some good memories? I was in love with my exhusband for close to 30 years. There's no way to 'turn it off'. I chose to grieve the marriage and the loss of dreams. I got to keep a wonderful sister-in-law who is one of the finest Christian ladies I've EVER met. I win. That was my first happy thought to cling to.


My hope, in grieving fully, is to let go of all the negative and replace it with a positive thought. Some examples: My exhusband cheated. I became broken enough to fully allow God to lead my life. I have permanent nerve damage in my leg. It's not something that shows, but incurs daily pain. I have learned compassion for those with chronic pain and/or disease. When I couldn't stop crying for the emotional pain, I asked God to use my pain to help someone, somehow. He gave me a ministry to serve in that does precisely that. Bit by bit, little by little, I am reclaiming my life with positive, grateful thoughts.


sorry for the hijack

--hide--

Great Post, AnneMarie! hug Empowering ourself is easier than most people think - we just need to remember we ARE in charge of our emotions and thoughts. I'm not saying it's always easy, and sometimes they can be daily or even hourly decisions - but we always have the opportunity to regroup our thoughts and refocus on the positive aspects of any situation. Positive thinking really does make a difference in everything.

So everyone, THINK HAPPY!!!! biggrin biggrin

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