I hadn't thought of this in a long time.
I still have mine in an envelope.
I wasn't married by the church or have any children.
It will take courage to go back look at them and destroy them, maybe I will get the courage tomorrow.
Do you know if there is a proper way to destroy them?
It's interesting that you would mention remembering the good times. I just started the book "Mars & Venus Starting Over" by John Grey. He states that we can't move on to a new relationship till we've properly grieved the painful breakup of divorce. Part of that process is remembering the good times, allowing ourselves to experience the bittersweet pain of revisiting the dreams we once had, & then authentically experience the truth of loss. This is temporarily painful, but ultimately allows us to clear the slate & place what happened in the past in it's proper perspective. Haven't read the whole book yet, but am definitely finding food for thought...
I've read some of his other books. I'm not surprised to hear more good things. It makes all the sense in the world though. How could you possibly marry someone spend ANY time with them and NOT have some good memories? I was in love with my exhusband for close to 30 years. There's no way to 'turn it off'. I chose to grieve the marriage and the loss of dreams. I got to keep a wonderful sister-in-law who is one of the finest Christian ladies I've EVER met. I win. That was my first happy thought to cling to.
My hope, in grieving fully, is to let go of all the negative and replace it with a positive thought. Some examples: My exhusband cheated. I became broken enough to fully allow God to lead my life. I have permanent nerve damage in my leg. It's not something that shows, but incurs daily pain. I have learned compassion for those with chronic pain and/or disease. When I couldn't stop crying for the emotional pain, I asked God to use my pain to help someone, somehow. He gave me a ministry to serve in that does precisely that. Bit by bit, little by little, I am reclaiming my life with positive, grateful thoughts.
sorry for the hijack
What a beautiful post AnneMarie...
You inspire me...
Hi, Well my ex cut the one picture of me by myself the first pic in the wedding album, the schmucky jerk!, and he also somewhat destroyed one of my parents and I, it was very evil to do, I wanted to throw the whole album away because the marriage was a complete waste and not real, but my mother for some reason seems to wanted to keep it, so I boxed it up , and it is put away, we do have kids together, but they are boys and I dont think they will care about them when they are grown anyhow. So for now it is up in the hot humid attic of my Florida home and I really don't care if it rots out, I think we didnt throw it away because my parents paid for it and it wasn't cheap either. I have forgotten all about it.
his problem not yours. shed the resentments.
living well is the best revenge.
I was thinking the same thing and although I didn't throw any of those away I did throw some other ones away of the two of us together in happier times. There were many wonderful times that we did share in our marriage even though now it is over. I have decided that I cannot throw any away but I will box them up and put them somewhere special. I may never look at them again but I know they represent a wonderful time in the past. Same thing with the good memories, I will bow them up and place them in a special place in my heart.
I haven't answered this one myself, either. My annulment came through earlier this year, and as I let the marriage and its losses go, as I realize the bond was not sacramental, I am coming to believe I should dispose of the photographs.
They make little sense, no longer carry the meaning they did when I was under the belief that a true vow had been made in God.
I came to a point where I stopped looking at them, even the beautiful one of me alone in my dress. All the love that went into the planning and preparation is yet one more grief to let go of.
However, I don't want to dispose of them in anger or vengeance. My personal feelings are very complex over the whole thing. I would prefer to lovingly let them go in the way I have worked to lovingly let the marriage go. How do you do that when you are "destroying" something?
Maybe the answer is to bury them or burn them as a renewal. I'm not sure. I'd welcome your thoughts.