I need your input. Here's the situation. A few months after Tom died, I found myself hosting 2 exchange students. Don't know how it happened it just did. I tried to get out of it immediately but.... In the end, one stayed with me and it really was good for me. It made me get up in the morning, get her off to school, attend school functions, interact with someone on a daily basis and be helpful--look outside myself, plus I had to cook--she definitely didn't!!!LOL.
This Jan. they wanted me to host another student. I thought long and hard about it; prayed about it and in the end, just didn't have the "heart" to be a mom again. I have gotten used to being alone and didn't feel that it would be a good experience for her. If it was just a matter of "room and board"--sure, but these exchange students should get more than that!
I'm in a better. much better place emotionally these last few months. I'm no longer angry at Tom and God nor in denial. I've accepted my loss and my new life. Soooo, my son asked me if I could help one of his friends out for 6 months until he graduated from Penn State with his degree in education. His apt. lease runs out in June and the job market here isn't good at all, so, he'll be moving, hopefully with a job in hand, when he graduates in Dec. His mom was a good friend of mine and we did lots of "adventure" trips together and as a family. BUT, my dilemna is: I've gotten used to being alone; I occupy myself as I wish, I don't cook, I live in a rural area with no neighbors, I do the work around the house, etc.etc. He's 27, single, and a nice guy, BUT I really don't want girls/women overnight nor parties going on. Yes, I know, I could make that a condition of him living here.
BUT, what do I do with him? Ignore him? Put forth effort to talk and entertain him? I have 3 empty bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, sitting rooms/extra rooms that he could veg out in, BUT, I've gotten used to being here alone. What do I do? I'd like to help him out and see him as a "pseudo son" BUT--6 months!!! Yes, he might be a help around here--when I need "muscles", but....!!!!
I say go for it, and maybe put stipulation on the having guests and house rules are everywhere for most everyone so if I had that much extra room I would say come on in....if you want the company that is...if your suppose to do this good deed you'll know and the reward will be gracious... so you "Should"
Well, there are two ways you can look at this...
a.) You're helping the son of a very good friend for only six months. That certainly isn't a long time. It'll also give you the opportunity to have some daily human interaction around the house which has been absent from your life for a considerable amount of time now. He's 27 years old and seems to be rather self-sufficient, so it's not as though you'll likely need to shoulder any motherly responsibilities.
b.) You may have come to the point in your life where you are comfortable the calm and quiet of an empty home and may feel as though having someone else around everyday would be an intrusion on your present life.
If it were me, personally, it would ultimately come down to deciding whether the potential good that could come from doing this is greater then the compromise I would need to make in order for it to happen, keeping in mind that it would be for only 6months or so.
Victor, that's how I'm thinking and feeling! Yes, it is only 6 months and I would be helping him out, BUT, I am comfortable in the calm and quiet of the house--with a dog and cat inside and 2 cats outside. I'm worried that it will be an intrusion. After 6 months, if it didn't work out, I'd chalk it up to another of my life's experiences, but, for him--being young and my son's friend--would my warts be too much for him and he'd regret it !!!!!!
I also have a little secret--until now only 2 other people know about it. Of course, once I print it--all of CM widows and widowers will know!!!! I live right on a creek--fishing, swimming, canoeing, kayaking, etc. Well, in the evenings, as it gets dark, I LOVE to skinny dip. It's great; the cold water is so relaxing and then I sit on my deck, wrapped in my towel and talk on the phone, have a drink, look at the stars, enjoy the evening. That's my one guilty pleasure these past 3 years. I celebrated Cinco de Mayo that way---boy, was that ever cold!!! If it were a female--I'd still do it and let them think I was some crazy lady or whatever. But, a guy! Even if he wasn't home at the time, I'd be on the lookout and definitely wouldn't be walking through the house in a towel.
I've always been a helper, volunteering, taking in strangers off the Applachian Trail, etc. from young up. If it were my son, I'd want someone to help him out. Is that the answer right there? Some temporary inconvenience to help someone out?
P.S. No one tell my secret!!!!!!
, I LOVE to skinny dip. It's great; the cold water is so relaxing and then I sit on my deck, wrapped in my towel and talk on the phone, have a drink, look at the stars, enjoy the evening.
P.S. No one tell my secret!!!!!!
Well, consider this...
He'd be moving in in July, so by October your skinny dipping will likely be done for the year. That makes it a 3-month sacrifice.
Your secret is safe with me!
About a year after my husband died, I had read a book that had the saying "God puts people in our lives for a reason but it is our job to open our eyes". Maybe this is God's way of opening your eyes and getting you out of that comfort zone of possibly becoming a "crazy women" :-) by being by yourself so much. Heck, 6 months isn't really that long!
Have a great Memorial Day weekend!