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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
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05/31/2012 new
No you did not.Cremation is OK. What you need to do now is to see if there is a way that you can bury the ashes. By our faith the ashes should not be scattered but you can talk to your priest about this.He will be able to give you a good advice about this subject.
05/31/2012 new

(Quote) Martha-292800 said: No you did not.Cremation is OK. What you need to do now is to see if there is a way that you can bury t...
(Quote) Martha-292800 said: No you did not.Cremation is OK. What you need to do now is to see if there is a way that you can bury the ashes. By our faith the ashes should not be scattered but you can talk to your priest about this.He will be able to give you a good advice about this subject.
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I have instructions for my children to cremate me as well. They are not Catholic and my oldest son is buried in a non-Catholic Cemetery. It's a pain, but my first husband's widow controls the graves, even the grave of my son since my ex died and he owned them. I told them to scatter me over Johnny's grave because I couldn't stand not being near him and his dad is already in the same grave with him. I'm sure she will never agree to let me have the plot next to Johnny since her husband is in the same plot with my son. Sometimes you just have to do the best you can.

I am not sure on someone who was not practicing his faith and said to scatter them. I'd scatter them. It's HIS last wishes, and while that may not be what you wish, if he wanted that, then his wishes should be respected.

I do agree a talk with a priest is not a bad idea and certainly can't hurt.

Lorrie

06/15/2012 new
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: I have instructions for my children to cremate me as well. They are not Cath...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:





I have instructions for my children to cremate me as well. They are not Catholic and my oldest son is buried in a non-Catholic Cemetery. It's a pain, but my first husband's widow controls the graves, even the grave of my son since my ex died and he owned them. I told them to scatter me over Johnny's grave because I couldn't stand not being near him and his dad is already in the same grave with him. I'm sure she will never agree to let me have the plot next to Johnny since her husband is in the same plot with my son. Sometimes you just have to do the best you can.



I am not sure on someone who was not practicing his faith and said to scatter them. I'd scatter them. It's HIS last wishes, and while that may not be what you wish, if he wanted that, then his wishes should be respected.



I do agree a talk with a priest is not a bad idea and certainly can't hurt.



Lorrie

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Even though thst may be his last wishes, his soul is no longer in his body. My opinion is you should do what is right in the eyes of the church. God is much bigger than anyone's last wishes. God bless you. theheart
06/16/2012 new

(Quote) Gwen-745766 said: My 62 year old husband, who passed away suddenly and very unexpectantly in Sept. 1 1/2 years ago, ...
(Quote) Gwen-745766 said:

My 62 year old husband, who passed away suddenly and very unexpectantly in Sept. 1 1/2 years ago, had always told me that if he should die first, he wanted to be cremated and have his ashes scattered. He left me no resources for an expensive burial, so I did have his body cremated but I did not scatter his ashes, and I still have them at home. I returned to the Church after having been away for many years, and now I wonder if I did the wrong thing for my husband in the eyes of the Church. My husband had been baptized Catholic but did not support the Catholic Church. Any opinions?

--hide--
You've received many wise replies about your husband's ashes. Cremation isn't a problem but the scattering of ashes would be problematic.

On another note, we'd like to say "Welcome to the CM Forums"!! We hope you will browse at the other topics and participate in them often.

06/16/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: I have instructions for my children to cremate me as well. They are not Cathol...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

I have instructions for my children to cremate me as well. They are not Catholic and my oldest son is buried in a non-Catholic Cemetery. It's a pain, but my first husband's widow controls the graves, even the grave of my son since my ex died and he owned them. I told them to scatter me over Johnny's grave because I couldn't stand not being near him and his dad is already in the same grave with him. I'm sure she will never agree to let me have the plot next to Johnny since her husband is in the same plot with my son. Sometimes you just have to do the best you can.

I am not sure on someone who was not practicing his faith and said to scatter them. I'd scatter them. It's HIS last wishes, and while that may not be what you wish, if he wanted that, then his wishes should be respected.

I do agree a talk with a priest is not a bad idea and certainly can't hurt.

Lorrie

--hide--
The problem is that scattering the ashes is contrary to the Church's position on the matter. Those who want to conform to the Church's teachings should realize that the Church's instructions trump an individual's.

06/16/2012 new

(Quote) Kayla-549130 said: Even though thst may be his last wishes, his soul is no longer in his body. My opinion is you sh...
(Quote) Kayla-549130 said:

Even though thst may be his last wishes, his soul is no longer in his body. My opinion is you should do what is right in the eyes of the church. God is much bigger than anyone's last wishes. God bless you.
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This is the stuff that gets sticky wicked....whose eyes and whose church? I remember a sweet Catholic lady whose son became a Baptist, one of those types where everyone was going to hell if they weren't a member of his church? You all know the types, they are in lots of faiths. Well she died and he gave her an all-out Baptist funeral. No regard to her wishes, her faith and what mattered to her. I go with what that person wanted. Flat out. It's their faith and belief and if I can't handle that, then turn it over to someone in the family that shared their faith/beliefs and let them handle it. My ex-husband is Jewish. If he died and I was told to handle it he would be buried before the next sundown in the tradition of his Jewish community/faith. That's the right thing to do. I'm certainly not giving him a Catholic Mass for his funeral.

06/17/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: This is the stuff that gets sticky wicked....whose eyes and whose church? I re...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

This is the stuff that gets sticky wicked....whose eyes and whose church? I remember a sweet Catholic lady whose son became a Baptist, one of those types where everyone was going to hell if they weren't a member of his church? You all know the types, they are in lots of faiths. Well she died and he gave her an all-out Baptist funeral. No regard to her wishes, her faith and what mattered to her. I go with what that person wanted. Flat out. It's their faith and belief and if I can't handle that, then turn it over to someone in the family that shared their faith/beliefs and let them handle it. My ex-husband is Jewish. If he died and I was told to handle it he would be buried before the next sundown in the tradition of his Jewish community/faith. That's the right thing to do. I'm certainly not giving him a Catholic Mass for his funeral.

--hide--
Not to worry -- if your former husband wasn't Catholic, he wouldn't "participate" in a Catholic funeral Mass anyway. (There are rare exceptions that won't be addressed here.) For that reason alone, his wishes would no doubt be in accord with his Faith.

What we're talking about in this topic is a person who is trying to follow his Faith wishes as much as possible. The cremation part is in accordance with Catholic teachings; scattering the ashes isn't.

06/17/2012 new

I went back and re-read the OP's post. She didn't say if he did anything more than be baptized in a Catholic Church. That doesn't make one Catholic. I would honor his wishes. If he had received first communion, confirmation, etc then that would be entirely different. But that's like taking a person with no religion at all and subjecting them to your preferences. If I'm married to someone who is not of any faith then I will honor their preferences. Lots of children are baptized in the a Catholic Church that doesn't mean they are Catholic later in life. One would hope so but that doesn't always happen. My ashes will be scattered, not much choice if I want to be near my son. People should do the best they can to follow the deceased's wishes. If he was Catholic or even considering Catholicism, then that's entirely different and one would follow the teachings of the Church where one had joined or wanted to join (maybe couldn't due to being sick, whatever). I am very blessed in that my children will follow my wishes to the letter. They did with their dad. My son, a total atheist, said that the deceased should have the service they want not what he wants. So I know if I say Catholic funeral mass, he will make sure I have it. It gives me peace of mind knowing my children will honor my wishes. What's the point of giving instructions if people will just ignore them? My kids actually did take a small amount of their dad's ashes and scattered them on a lake where he loved to go fishing. They also had small pendants made up that they wear. The rest were buried as that was how he wanted it. That way they have a place to come and see where their dad is buried. He was Catholic but never practiced his faith.

In your husband's case, he was not Catholic, you are not under obligation to give him a Catholic funeral/burial. Pray and follow your heart.

06/17/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: I went back and re-read the OP's post. She didn't say if he did anything more than be ba...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

I went back and re-read the OP's post. She didn't say if he did anything more than be baptized in a Catholic Church. That doesn't make one Catholic. I would honor his wishes. If he had received first communion, confirmation, etc then that would be entirely different. But that's like taking a person with no religion at all and subjecting them to your preferences. If I'm married to someone who is not of any faith then I will honor their preferences. Lots of children are baptized in the a Catholic Church that doesn't mean they are Catholic later in life. One would hope so but that doesn't always happen. My ashes will be scattered, not much choice if I want to be near my son. People should do the best they can to follow the deceased's wishes. If he was Catholic or even considering Catholicism, then that's entirely different and one would follow the teachings of the Church where one had joined or wanted to join (maybe couldn't due to being sick, whatever). I am very blessed in that my children will follow my wishes to the letter. They did with their dad. My son, a total atheist, said that the deceased should have the service they want not what he wants. So I know if I say Catholic funeral mass, he will make sure I have it. It gives me peace of mind knowing my children will honor my wishes. What's the point of giving instructions if people will just ignore them? My kids actually did take a small amount of their dad's ashes and scattered them on a lake where he loved to go fishing. They also had small pendants made up that they wear. The rest were buried as that was how he wanted it. That way they have a place to come and see where their dad is buried. He was Catholic but never practiced his faith.

In your husband's case, he was not Catholic, you are not under obligation to give him a Catholic funeral/burial. Pray and follow your heart.

--hide--
A bit of misunderstanding here. Once baptized a Catholic, a person always remains a Catholic even though he/she is not practicing the faith. There is a formal process to renounce the Faith; however, this did not seem to be the case.

Too often we get caught up in emotions about these matters and tend to overlook how something should be done. Giving in to our emotions can cause us a lot of difficulties as those of us who have been around for awhile have learned.

I hope you'll look into this further for a better understanding and reasoning behind the teachings. It's not a case of ignoring one's wishes when the wishes conflict. I believe you're trying to do the "right thing" and are concerned enough about it to give it more thought and research.

Your parish priest should be able to help you with this.

06/17/2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: A bit of misunderstanding here. Once baptized a Catholic, a person always remains a Catholic even t...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

A bit of misunderstanding here. Once baptized a Catholic, a person always remains a Catholic even though he/she is not practicing the faith. There is a formal process to renounce the Faith; however, this did not seem to be the case.

Too often we get caught up in emotions about these matters and tend to overlook how something should be done. Giving in to our emotions can cause us a lot of difficulties as those of us who have been around for awhile have learned.

I hope you'll look into this further for a better understanding and reasoning behind the teachings. It's not a case of ignoring one's wishes when the wishes conflict. I believe you're trying to do the "right thing" and are concerned enough about it to give it more thought and research.

Your parish priest should be able to help you with this.

--hide--

Anyone whose read my posts knows my parish priest has been cruel and nasty to me so obviously I'm not discussing anything with him. I'm changing parishes but not fully changed over yet. I don't need a parish priest to tell me what my children will do after I die. They are doing what I told them to do: immediate cremation, funeral mass, and sprinkle me over my son's grave.

It's about honoring his wishes and I don't see someone who wasn't in the faith as being required to go against their wishes. I'm being scattered after death so that's why I feel strongly about honoring people's last wishes. But...since this is a woman whose husband has died arguing seems inconsiderate.

I will say to the OP: Follow YOUR heart. If you truly believe he WANTED to be scattered, don't ask for advice, just go do it. If you're not sure what he wanted, then by all means talk to someone who knew him and loved him not strangers who have no understanding of what made him the man you loved. Words out of a book cannot always explain the complexities or realities of every situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm very sorry this turned into a disagreement but at least you had a view different viewpoints. My heart is sad for you and I pray you will do what you feel he would truly want, because in the end, all that matters is the love you had together. He will always be with you in that way. Blessings to you and my deepest compassion in your loss.--God bless you and welcome home to the Church.

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