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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

07/04/2012 new
I was widowed at 24! Boy, did I feel like the lone ranger. Thankfully, time does heal all wounds. I look back and realize that I am really proud of myself for who I have become since that dreadful time in my life. I thank God for giving me strength to overcome many obstacles. theheart
07/04/2012 new

Jack has been gone for 5 1/2 years. He was a widower and I was a widow when we met. We both knew right away and instantly clicked. I was very cautious though............marriage is a big commitment but we did make it and had 11 wonderful years together. I am so very thankful for those years. Yes - The grief of losing him has been terrible. We were very close and I lost a part of myself that it has taken about 5 years to find again. I am finding the balance. Not every days is a struggle - there are some very good days - but, I am alone and would just like someone to go out to dinner with and some companionship and friendship. I do not want to call that dating - as I have no expectation or hope that it would go anywhere. If it did - that would be wonderful. I do not want the angst of does he like me or not. I do not do the rules of dating...........I am who I am. I am not old - I have just become wiser.

With the support and love of God we will make it..........and will be stronger and more faithfilled because we have made it.

07/14/2012 new

[quote]Francis-872439 said:

Were single in name but in our roles and responsibilities. When does a single man go shopping with a 13 yr old daughter for a swim suit? It's an awkward singleness.

Francis, I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side, but I think it would have been easier if I had children at home. It took 4 1/2 years before I actually felt like I was a widow. Before then I felt like I was still married, but without the benefit of David's friendship. Last year I had my 11 year old granddaughter while my daughter and son-in-law were in Afganistan. What a wonderful year! I had someone to share life with, places to go, and many people to see. She left a little over a month ago. A lot of joy left with her, but now I listen to the radio (though not the teeny bopper station) and do more spur of the moment things for fun. I hope that will keep up. The single vs. widowed thing still bothers me. For some crazy reason I prefer to circle with widow choice on forms and am a bit peeved when my only choices are single or married. In fact, I refuse to circle either one when that happens. (sadly enought that choice is empowering) I agree with you, Francis, singleness is awkward. I just haven't figured out how to make it "not" awkward. So glad you have your 13 yr old daughter with you. If you figure out how to make this less awkward, please post your suggestions.

07/15/2012 new

(Quote) Elizabeth-462557 said: (Quote) Francis-872439 said: Were single in name but in our roles and ...
(Quote) Elizabeth-462557 said:

[quote]Francis-872439 said:

Were single in name but in our roles and responsibilities. When does a single man go shopping with a 13 yr old daughter for a swim suit? It's an awkward singleness.

Francis, I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side, but I think it would have been easier if I had children at home. It took 4 1/2 years before I actually felt like I was a widow. Before then I felt like I was still married, but without the benefit of David's friendship. Last year I had my 11 year old granddaughter while my daughter and son-in-law were in Afganistan. What a wonderful year! I had someone to share life with, places to go, and many people to see. She left a little over a month ago. A lot of joy left with her, but now I listen to the radio (though not the teeny bopper station) and do more spur of the moment things for fun. I hope that will keep up. The single vs. widowed thing still bothers me. For some crazy reason I prefer to circle with widow choice on forms and am a bit peeved when my only choices are single or married. In fact, I refuse to circle either one when that happens. (sadly enought that choice is empowering) I agree with you, Francis, singleness is awkward. I just haven't figured out how to make it "not" awkward. So glad you have your 13 yr old daughter with you. If you figure out how to make this less awkward, please post your suggestions.

--hide--

Elizabeth, it sounds as if you were widowed after your children left home. I don't know if that would be preferable to still having some at home. How to make it less awkward? Perhaps it isn't on our end. Could it come more from the world? I've encountered very little out there that really supports or helps those who become widowed. I wonder if I feel awkward because others don't know how to deal with us. Through a grief workshop I took and a book they recommended for reading, it's often those looking in who don't know how to talk about the death of my wife. It's uncomfortable for them.

I guess too it is such a quick and huge change in ones life. It should be strange and unfamiliar, both for me and for them. Perhaps other widow(er)s who have been so longer could say it more truthfully, but it may only be a question of time, adjusting to the changes we never wanted.

07/15/2012 new

(Quote) Francis-872439 said: Elizabeth, it sounds as if you were widowed after your children left home. I don't know...
(Quote) Francis-872439 said:


Elizabeth, it sounds as if you were widowed after your children left home. I don't know if that would be preferable to still having some at home. How to make it less awkward? Perhaps it isn't on our end. Could it come more from the world? I've encountered very little out there that really supports or helps those who become widowed. I wonder if I feel awkward because others don't know how to deal with us. Through a grief workshop I took and a book they recommended for reading, it's often those looking in who don't know how to talk about the death of my wife. It's uncomfortable for them.

I guess too it is such a quick and huge change in ones life. It should be strange and unfamiliar, both for me and for them. Perhaps other widow(er)s who have been so longer could say it more truthfully, but it may only be a question of time, adjusting to the changes we never wanted.

--hide--


Yes, Francis, my youngest child was 28 when his father died, and all three lived in other states or countries. You are right it is awkward. I don't see it becoming anything else but awkward. For 4 or so years, I wouldn't even go to a movie alone. The first time I went to a concert alone at the college, I felt so strange...like I were only half of a person. The sharing of life with a best friend is a loss that I think can only be replaced by another best friend. And, I am not sure when or if that will happen. Last year I decided to do my best to live a full life even if I have to do it alone. I am enjoying the forums on CM. I really miss the good conversations I used to have with my husband. Today I've responded to more forum questions than I ever have and have had such a good time. But you can't hold hands with a computer. Even though I believe I have found balance in my life and look forward to new friendships, I am still adjusting and guess I always will be, but I have decided I will make it a joyful and happy adjustment time.





07/15/2012 new

(Quote) Andrew-865848 said: But this is work...no doubt about it. Just replying to little notes and emotigrams is work. But ...
(Quote) Andrew-865848 said:

But this is work...no doubt about it. Just replying to little notes and emotigrams is work. But that's what dating is...it's another form of work. Somewhere you have to leave room for God to work, as I do believe God helps them that helps themselves. We have to take care of ourselves, exercise, eat right, get enough sleep, take care about how we look....I'm tired already.....what's on TV....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

--hide--


Andrew:


I am with you, dating is work. You just have to put in the time and the effort to make anything happen.

Richard



07/16/2012 new

I still get dumbstruck when going into a restaurant with my two kids and the waitress asks, "Just you three?" I'm always tempted to turn and look to see if Bob will be joining us!

07/17/2012 new

Kathy,

I chuckled when I read your hostess story---It really is all the little things...like seating at restaurants, exiting at cashier's lines, etc. that makes things awkward, isn't it?

In my case ours is an interracial family formed through birth and adoption...so we are used to stares...But asking for a table for eight...One mature adult widow and seven offspring d e l a y s things greatly faint ....The good news? we make the unaware people waiting in the long line...very very happily relieved to so quickly get closer to their goal of a table clap ...as we all trail after the hostess eyepopping ...like a church bus group! I can almost hear the applause! But unfortunately Dad is not with us...that was always a group of nine!


What fun! We "blow" people's stereotypes, don't we? wave

I try cool to think of it that way wink ...because sometimes people not only think we are awkward...they try to fix us by re-grouping us into an "appropriate" size or "kind" of family....oh well...God is good! biggrin

07/18/2012 new

(Quote) Barbara-863769 said: Kathy, I chuckled when I read your hostess story---It really is all the little things......
(Quote) Barbara-863769 said:

Kathy,

I chuckled when I read your hostess story---It really is all the little things...like seating at restaurants, exiting at cashier's lines, etc. that makes things awkward, isn't it?

In my case ours is an interracial family formed through birth and adoption...so we are used to stares...But asking for a table for eight...One mature adult widow and seven offspring d e l a y s things greatly ....The good news? we make the unaware people waiting in the long line...very very happily relieved to so quickly get closer to their goal of a table ...as we all trail after the hostess ...like a church bus group! I can almost hear the applause! But unfortunately Dad is not with us...that was always a group of nine!


What fun! We "blow" people's stereotypes, don't we?

I try to think of it that way ...because sometimes people not only think we are awkward...they try to fix us by re-grouping us into an "appropriate" size or "kind" of family....oh well...God is good!

God is good! And you are a blessing, to your amazing crew!

--hide--

07/18/2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:

--hide--




God bless you and your crew, Barbara! You're the best!!

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