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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

08/04/2012 new

(Quote) Jo-877224 said: I agree with Mark. In general I am a shy person and forced myself to get out of my comfort zone of b...
(Quote) Jo-877224 said:

I agree with Mark. In general I am a shy person and forced myself to get out of my comfort zone of being an observer to a someone who does things.

In recent months I found two walking partners, volunteered at my church's festival, and reached out to co-workers to have lunch. I contacted my diocese and will be joining their newly formed Catholic's Divorce Survival Guide group. I also signed up for a fitness program through my work that will have me walking with hundreds of other co-workers durng the course of the work week in the Fall and Spring semesters.

I even re-started coaching competitive scholastic chess in my spare time.

The local Knights of Columbus just started Columbiettes (not sure of the spelling). This is an a woman's auxilary to the KoC. Great way to volunteer, meet others, and keep busy.

--hide--

Thanks so much. I joined a couple book discussion groups, am in a Theology of the Body study at my former parish on Monday nights. The people that go to it are really nice but I lost so many friends when I had to leave that parish. The old me would have bulldozed my way back in but I have learned the more I force myself in there, the worse it gets for me. I am attending a newer parish and I really like it. They have nore things for divorced people. I just need to make 1 or 2 close friends.

Lorrie

08/04/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: Tonight is another one of "those nights" . My life consists of getting ready for work,...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

Tonight is another one of "those nights" . My life consists of getting ready for work, working, eating dinner, watching TV and answering email, sleeping and repeat ad infinitum. That's it. I go to Mass on Saturday afternoon and the rest of my weekend is lying around.

The loneliness is horrible--I sleep very little and I'm relieved when it's time to get up so I don't have to lay there anymore and think about how I'm all alone. Sometimes I roll over and go to throw my arm around someone --and he's not there so my arm hits the bed, I startle awake and then cry. I hate nighttime. My friends are all married so they have families and I am feeling like the only person who lives alone on the entire planet. --I'd laugh at tha but I'm bummed.

How do you get out of the loneliness. Sadly I'm financially strapped so I really don't have $$ to go out. I'm just needing to adjust my attitude but not sure how. I'm sick of crying and feeling cruddy. Being alone isn't always bad, I just sink into this loneliness, heck I talk to the characters on TV...no one to laugh or chat with. I am glad I stopped drinking because that was going nowhere...but what helps you when loneliness creeps in?

Lorrie

--hide--
Lorrie, no one here has walked in your shoes, but I can tell you what has worked for me. I've lived alone for more than two decades since my divorce, except for a relationship that lasted seven years during that time. Other than that, I didn't date at all during that period. My former wife passed away last October and that hit me harder than I expected. Working kept my mind occupied so that helped, but I've been retired now for almost two years. I've gotten very involved with the Knights of Columbus, Holy Name Society and our parish pantry. These things help keep my mind off of my own lonliness. You may not have much time after work, but it may be worth exploring with your pastor and others at your Church various volunteer activities that may not demand much time. Libraries often ask for volunteers too. Getting out and helping others keeps your mind occupied and away from negative thoughts. Making new friends doesn't hurt either! Volunteering doesn't cost anything either (except for the driving).

It may not be much help, but it's my two cents

Blessings, Pete theheart

08/16/2012 new

Loneliness sucks sometimes.I am more attracted to younger women so the search takes a little longer. I got an anulment after my wife found herself a boyfriend and raised my children as a single dad. Bought a farm and got two dogs 30 cows and a possum living under the house.

You have done lots right. Drinking goes no where and the money spent of alcohol can be better used to get out and meet some friends. For me there is nothing better than sleeping next to a naked woman but not just any woman, the right naked woman. I miss that and nights do suck at times. In the winter, sometimes its a two dog night. 250 pounds of dog. I can stay warm in this drafty old farm house.


Depression is your enemy and laughter the key to the heart. We are gregarious people and we need friends. It does not take money to make friends, just time. Then you find that many people have the same problems and soon you are comparing notes over coffee with others. I go to other churches just for the heck of it to meet people in the area and especially if they are having pie after the service. I am sure i wont go to hell just for attending other services and meeting my neighbors. Break the routeen and through away the mold. You made some very important first stepts Lorrie and just keep them up.


Bill

08/17/2012 new

Great suggestions Bill! Thanks,

08/18/2012 new

I like you story it is what I feel thanks for shareing.It helps to talk and get out your feelings.if you need a walking partner let me know.

08/18/2012 new

(Quote) Monica-345711 said: (Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: Well I found a video study at a church not fa...
(Quote) Monica-345711 said:

Quote:
Lorrie-735074 said:

Well I found a video study at a church not far from work, waited until it was time to go (too far to drive home first) only to have no one show up. Talk about depressing. I do everything alone: live, work, eat, sleep, drive, entertainment, sit by myself at mass. It's just getting ridiculous. You start to wonder why you're even on this planet, it seems to be doing just fine without you. Most of the time no one notices I'm even here. I'm really down now, would have been better off not to go at all than to have no one show up.

Oh well,

Back at home,

Lorrie


Lorrie, I am so sorry to hear the video study at the church failed. Sometimes the crowds/attendance drops off for the summer. Perhaps you can check on-line for any Jeff Cavin's Bible Studies in your diocese. His programs are quite popular and do draw a crowd. Do you ever try Eucharistic Adoration? That is where I find my peace....it's when I have a little talk with Jesus about all that is on my mind. He does wonders in leading me in the right direction.....whether through the people he sends in my path, music, prayer groups, other inspirations of what I need to do to improve my life. I will keep you in my prayers that Jesus comes to your rescue soon with growing glimmers of happiness. Definitely pursue the cupcake idea! That sounds like a fun and playful outlet. Then you will need to determine who you will give your precious artwork to....whether it be a homeless shelter, a nursing home, a local convent, rectory, your neighbors or somewhere where the people will be thrilled to try your new found culinary talent. I wish you lived near me. I would love to take the class with you.

I too am lonely. It is no fun that's for sure. Take care and God bless you, Lorrie!

--hide--
After 30 years of marrage I find my self divorced and lonely.This is hard to deal with they say the longer you go the easyer i gets.Well it's not easyer 1and 1/2 years later.I enjoy the simple things in life hugs ,kisses,good conversation,a loveing home, a smile to greet the day.Where has it gone why did it go.God has a plan and I need to find it.I love my family with all my heart but something is missing.It's the love of a special someone in my life.I have not had luck with on line dating I find that what they write is not who they are.Frist I ask to be honest to a relationship it is the most important thing you can do.Second love you family.Third and best of all believe in God.Thanks for you time ang be safe and well Paul

08/23/2012 new
I guess Elaine you really have to check out these adult Singles groups and the people who lead them. I dated one from a group in Your area and found that this person could not commit to a serious relationship. I also found that the person leading the group and his friends -enjoy watching women, young women, take your clothes off. They spend each night going to places so they could watch women. Of course they're all in their 50s looking for the 30 year olds. One is even a member of the site and says he is not a practicing Catholic however leads the group. Good luck.
08/24/2012 new

Take heart Paul...

I've met several people from this site & so far... all have been who they said they were. It helps me to approach each encounter with not the idea that I'm about to meet my one & only forever after amen... but that I'm about to meet a new wonderful friend. Somehow that interior detachment makes it easier to be at peace with how things turn out...

There's been Christian studies done that suggest it will take at least 5 years to heal from the break up of a long term, committed marriage. I hated that number, (I was married for 27 & divorced for nearly 3), but have found that as time goes on, it's probably accurate... at least for me. It takes more than time to heal though... Good counsel, branching out into new activities, good friends & especially, time spent in prayer & the sacraments all come into play. I can truly say I'm in a better place now... But it took time...

Just my two cents... theheart theheart theheart

10/09/2012 new

What really helped me was putting a pillow on the other side of the bed and a girls night once a week to look forward to. Girls night usually consists of playing a board game, playing cards, movie rental nights and potluck dinners. Don't be alone unless you absolutely have to and buy yourself some new clothes or make up if you can afford it. Above all else, take care of yourself.


God Bless

10/14/2012 new

Hi Lorrie,

I'm divorced a little over two years now and go through the same things when my kids are away. Things are better than they were at first but I still hate it when it rains and is quiet in my house. I'm strapped too.

I started looking at Meetup.com. They have all sorts of hobby groups. Then I started thinking, what makes me happy? What would I like to to do? What nurtures me? I've been taking writing workshops. I've gone to Italian club dinners. What really helps though is to look at the circle of friends I have and plan a dinner or a coffee.

And I pray, a lot. I have a few friends who I call frequently but I ask them is it ok to talk and if I get to be too much, they can say if they need a break. Thankfully they haven't!

I also joined the Church choir and have made some good friends through that.

I guess the most important thing is to keep moving and remember, feelings pass, they aren't permanent. And this too shall pass.

I don't know if this was much help but I hope it was a little.

My prayers are with you.

Maryann

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