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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

12/19/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: Tonight is another one of "those nights" . My life consists of getting ready for work,...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

Tonight is another one of "those nights" . My life consists of getting ready for work, working, eating dinner, watching TV and answering email, sleeping and repeat ad infinitum. That's it. I go to Mass on Saturday afternoon and the rest of my weekend is lying around.

The loneliness is horrible--I sleep very little and I'm relieved when it's time to get up so I don't have to lay there anymore and think about how I'm all alone. Sometimes I roll over and go to throw my arm around someone --and he's not there so my arm hits the bed, I startle awake and then cry. I hate nighttime. My friends are all married so they have families and I am feeling like the only person who lives alone on the entire planet. --I'd laugh at tha but I'm bummed.

How do you get out of the loneliness. Sadly I'm financially strapped so I really don't have $$ to go out. I'm just needing to adjust my attitude but not sure how. I'm sick of crying and feeling cruddy. Being alone isn't always bad, I just sink into this loneliness, heck I talk to the characters on TV...no one to laugh or chat with. I am glad I stopped drinking because that was going nowhere...but what helps you when loneliness creeps in?

Lorrie

--hide--


Lorrie,


I struggle with EXACTLY the same kind of thing it sounds like you're dealing with. And I am a rotating shift worker, so my days off are NEVER consistent. Attending routine gatherings such as running events (races and group runs), church activities (That Man Is You, Knights of Columbus, and CRHP) is tough to do due to scheduling issues with work. Attending events where single Catholic ladies are present is nearly impossible. And this is not likely to change soon, as weather does not sleep. A weather forecaster's life isn't easy.

I hug my pillow some nights. It isn't the same, but I have a good imagination. I imagine cuddling with the perfect mate (for me) there, and talking to her, and just enjoying her company in my mind as I reflect on the kind of person she will be and pray for the day I meet her. I already know who she is, in my mind's eye. And I pray for her, too.

So, that gets me through most nights tear-free. Yes, the pain of loneliness is just terrible. I try to turn things around and put an optimistic spin on things... not always successful.

During the days I have available, I attend mass. On weekends that are free--VERY RARE--I go run with the group and talk to the ladies, and otherwise try to put myself in places where single women might be. I haven't gotten too good at that yet, here in this new place where I moved earlier this year due to work.

Visiting the place I used to live, to see friends there, is a BIG way I overcome loneliness. I am blessed to have found a civilian job across the state from where I first came into the Catholic church during the final days of my military career, and built so many wonderful relationships that have endured. Old friendships have been a big help, as my friends also have some pretty good insights that are helping me to become a better man for a future wife, children, and the Church.

Finally, when things get rough, my priest is always available to talk. He is simply amazing in his ability to offer insights and get right down to the root of my concerns.

Are your work hours flexible enough to permit participation in some sort of church group(s)?

Peace,


Michael

12/19/2012 new

(Quote) Deborah-550454 said: ...Oh, the arm hitting the empty bed! Yeah, that's rough. Try hugging a pillow when you dri...
(Quote) Deborah-550454 said:

...Oh, the arm hitting the empty bed! Yeah, that's rough. Try hugging a pillow when you drift off...I've heard that this works....

--hide--


Whew! Glad I'm not wacko for having mentioned that in my message to Lorrie. It does indeed seem to work.

12/19/2012 new

Lorrie... another thought... find an interest group. Meetup (as some have indicated) is a good way. And, even Match.com has gatherings that are advertised on its site. I attended one awhile back--a cooking class hosted by a local kitchen supply store--and met a dozen women there. Granted, none of them were who I seek, but the experience gave me a glass or two of wine, learning how to cook some WONDERFUL food for a future date night, and the experience of nearly four hours getting to know 23 other guys and gals in the area.

Strangely, I was the most outgoing of all the folks there... walking up to everyone and making the initial contact. Not normal for this introvert.

I'll pray for you, as well. Certainly is not easy to be lonely... and it seems like the road back takes such a long time. Prayers that you'll find the time and energy to make some moves to get out with people.


Michael

12/19/2012 new

shhh Lorrie, I totally get where you are coming from, and I think most of us feel that way from time to time.

There are nights when I wonder what it would be like to have someone I could trust and whose company I really enjoy to wake up to, or say goodnight to, or have morning coffee with...


A couple of things help me. I tend to be an introvert in an extrovert's body, meaning that I am good at socializing and meeting people, but I far prefer more 1:1 activities, or small groups of close friends, and I like being alone sometimes. Having to be social too much is stressful.

And, I have a handful of very close girl friends who love and friendship is never far - we could call each other at 3AM if we needed to, so that makes me feel less alone.

The thing I always think of when I wake up wishing someone were there is this: how much worse it would be for the WRONG someone to be there than for no one to be there at all.And, a good day dream or two never hurt either.


Just hang in there - we are all bound to have ups and downs on this journey.

12/19/2012 new

[quote]Michael-780154 said:

Lorrie... another thought... find an interest group. Meetup (as some have indicated) is a good way. And, even Match.com has gatherings that are advertised on its site. I attended one awhile back--a cooking class hosted by a local kitchen supply store--and met a dozen women there. Granted, none of them were who I seek, but the experience gave me a glass or two of wine, learning how to cook some WONDERFUL food for a future date night, and the experience of nearly four hours getting to know 23 other guys and gals in the area.

Strangely, I was the most outgoing of all the folks there... walking up to everyone and making the initial contact. Not normal for this introvert.

I'll pray for you, as well. Certainly is not easy to be lonely... and it seems like the road back takes such a long time. Prayers that you'll find the time and energy to make some moves to get out


Intersting term, "who I seek". Very good way to put that. And, a cooking class sounds like a great way to meet some people.

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