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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

06/15/2012 new
For me I think you've done your part there's no more explanation needed..the person involved should understand or respect your decision..truth be told right :) you've been a good company though :) god bless you Keith...:)
06/15/2012 new

Just be honest with her and I am sure all conversations will halt. Been there and done that. Not an old picture, but the guy said he was 5 foot 9 and in real life he was shorter than me, ugh! Why lie. It makes us uncomfortable when our eyes pop out and then the date ends abruptly! laughing laughing

06/15/2012 new

(Quote) Keith-733524 said: I got a question for all of you. Went out last week. When I met my date she didn't look at al...
(Quote) Keith-733524 said:

I got a question for all of you. Went out last week. When I met my date she didn't look at all what she had posted on the site. She admitted that the picture was 10 years old and she asked me if I was mad. I told her that I was frustrated in that she didn't look like what she posted on the site. I told her that I don't like it when people are not honest. However we ordered our dinner and I made the best of it.

A couple of days later she called me up on the phone and wanted to know if I wanted to get together again and I said, "no, I didn't think it would be a good idea." She asked me why, as if we never talked about the fact that she wasn't honest. She told me that she was upset and that I am obviously afraid of committment and obviously, "hate women." Although I am not currently looking to get involved in full blown relationship, I don't hate women. She made the comment, "you obviously have been hurt and need therapy." Actua

Now I am at Church the other day and one of her male friends approaches me and says, "Hey I am a friend of "so and so" and she really likes you. Why don't you want to go out with her again?"

Don't worry it is nobody from this site, and although the gal is a professing Christian, I was not physically attracted to her and I especially don't like it when people are just dishonest from the get go. What do I do. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to go out with her again. I don't think that I need therapy because I don't want to go out with her again.

Thanks,

Keith

--hide--



Make it a practice to communicate via video chat (skype, gmail etc) prior to meeting, then you will not be surprised.

06/15/2012 new

(Quote) Keith-733524 said: I am very appreciative of the comments that everyone has made. What bothered me is th...
(Quote) Keith-733524 said:




I am very appreciative of the comments that everyone has made. What bothered me is that it was dishonest and she knew it. She brought it up and I am not going to go into detail but there was a huge difference. I know that pictures are not a full representation of what people look like. But this was very obvious and anyone would have known it right away.


I stayed to have dinner because I asked her out and didn't want to be rude. I thought of even being friends, but even with friends I expect there to be honesty. That is no way to start off any kind of relationship. I make friends pretty easy and am a very forgiving person, but I like what Jesus said, "be as wise as a serpent but as gentle as a dove." My wisdom was to move on. I don't think her friend will approach me again, I don't know him very well but I think he was just looking out for his friend. Not a big deal.


Thank you,

Keith

--hide--

Keith thank you for posting this valuable lesson for all of us. I am in complete agreement with you about the photo. Further, you have to trust your gut. I've never heard a good outcome when people attempt to start a relationship with this silly deception.

Interestingly, I've seen the same in business. I am in residential real estate where agents are notarious for putting their face on their business card and everywhere else. My card does not have my photo on it. I do however have a professional headshot taken every two years so that when I need to use a photo, I have a current one. (I could post it right now but I choose not to).

I had a horrible boss recently. He used an old, old photo. There's a mortgage lender in town who uses a 15-20 yo photo where she was 50-80 pounds lighter...I've tried working with her but she seems less than ethical. Beware of the old photo scam!

06/15/2012 new

(Quote) Keith-733524 said: I am very appreciative of the comments that everyone has made. What bothered me is th...
(Quote) Keith-733524 said:




I am very appreciative of the comments that everyone has made. What bothered me is that it was dishonest and she knew it. She brought it up and I am not going to go into detail but there was a huge difference. I know that pictures are not a full representation of what people look like. But this was very obvious and anyone would have known it right away.


I stayed to have dinner because I asked her out and didn't want to be rude. I thought of even being friends, but even with friends I expect there to be honesty. That is no way to start off any kind of relationship. I make friends pretty easy and am a very forgiving person, but I like what Jesus said, "be as wise as a serpent but as gentle as a dove." My wisdom was to move on. I don't think her friend will approach me again, I don't know him very well but I think he was just looking out for his friend. Not a big deal.


Thank you,

Keith

--hide--



Yes great quote Keith.. " Be as wise as a serpent but gentle as a dove" Dove One of my favorites too. I use it with my family members wink

Kathleen Praying

06/15/2012 new

run, grow a beard and change your identity! laughing laughing

06/15/2012 new

(Quote) Marissa-529206 said: You know, I think what really may have bothered me more was the fact she posted a deceptive pic...
(Quote) Marissa-529206 said:

You know, I think what really may have bothered me more was the fact she posted a deceptive picture. Because of the stress they put on physical looks in the media, people think that is all there is to physical beauty. But in my life, I see alot of people who look physically beautiful to me because of the joy on their face, because of the way they behave. I have a friend, she is quiet and very genuine and very caring. If she were to post a picture on here alot of men might think she was just "okay". She's a little plump. But when you talk to her, her face lights up. You almost can't help but smile. And her smile in person is so beautiful that that's all you can really concentrate on. I sometimes think Mary must have been like that. If this girl would have been more accepting of her looks and have been more in touch with natural goodness, you may have asked her for another date. We should all stop and say a prayer for her, she must be really unhappy with herself to have posted an old picture. Hopefully, she will gain not only acceptance of her looks but see that God gave her HER particular looks for a reason. She really must try to do that. I have a feeling once she does she won't mind that a man doesn't want to go out with her again, she'll realize that it doesn't mean he finds her totally odious and if it does....perhaps he too harsh a critic.

I sometimes say these things to people I've turned down. If she contacts you again maybe you can help boosts her confidence and tell her that she really needs an updated picture and perhaps find something nice about her to say.....then tell her that she's a good catch, you just don't think you two would work for a long term relationship.

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What a beautiful response Marissa...!!! clap

Thank you for the the thought provoking ideas.... rose rose rose

06/15/2012 new

(Quote) Dawn-58330 said: (Quote) Marissa-529206 said: You know, I think what really may have bothered me mor...
(Quote) Dawn-58330 said:
Quote:
Marissa-529206 said:

You know, I think what really may have bothered me more was the fact she posted a deceptive picture. Because of the stress they put on physical looks in the media, people think that is all there is to physical beauty. But in my life, I see alot of people who look physically beautiful to me because of the joy on their face, because of the way they behave. I have a friend, she is quiet and very genuine and very caring. If she were to post a picture on here alot of men might think she was just "okay". She's a little plump. But when you talk to her, her face lights up. You almost can't help but smile. And her smile in person is so beautiful that that's all you can really concentrate on. I sometimes think Mary must have been like that. If this girl would have been more accepting of her looks and have been more in touch with natural goodness, you may have asked her for another date. We should all stop and say a prayer for her, she must be really unhappy with herself to have posted an old picture. Hopefully, she will gain not only acceptance of her looks but see that God gave her HER particular looks for a reason. She really must try to do that. I have a feeling once she does she won't mind that a man doesn't want to go out with her again, she'll realize that it doesn't mean he finds her totally odious and if it does....perhaps he too harsh a critic.

I sometimes say these things to people I've turned down. If she contacts you again maybe you can help boosts her confidence and tell her that she really needs an updated picture and perhaps find something nice about her to say.....then tell her that she's a good catch, you just don't think you two would work for a long term relationship.


Marissa, thank you for posting such a compassionate comment. You really took some time to consider her heart. THAT makes you shine brigh and beautifully.



I agree that at the root of this is her own dissatisfaction with herself. Yes, her dishonesty is unattractive. But I've also learned (And, Men, correct me if I am wrong) that men find women who don't know their own beauty and goodness unattractive. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about women being stuck on themselves. I'm talking about women who look in the mirror and can't recognize the good that is looking back. Men can sense a women who is looking for validation from them, and they do not want to attempt to give it. Basically they know the can't! (That's between God and the woman.) So a woman that doesn't have this worked out kind of sends off a vibe to a man who is looking for a woman who knows she is beautifully created by God and wants to share that beauty with him. That vibe says "I'm not her." In actuality that woman very well could be "her" but SHE hasn't believed it yet. Why should the man believe it before she does? We believe the messages people's actions tell us.

I don't know this woman, and we've hardly got her story here, but based on the scenario and the general workings of man-woman interactions, that's how I see it. She needs to come to a better sense of self before she'll be ready for a relationship.

--hide--

Oh sooooo true Dawn...!!! All women reflect God's beauty in some way or another, but if her wounds prevent her from knowing her own worth... others will not see it either. God can heal us all if we turn to Him for guidance & self knowlege. Thank you for this very insightful post.... rose rose rose

06/15/2012 new
Move on, Keith.

Ignore her calls.

If one of her friends approaches you again and says that their friend likes you, just say "that's good."

Then go do what it is that you would normally do after Mass.

Seriously... it's a waste of time to even think about drama queens. wink
06/15/2012 new
Eh'. Move on. Start emailing some CM ladies, setup some Skype sessions - then setup some dates! Voila! Just like that you've moved on AND you know for sure what they look like. wink
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