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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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07/15/2012 new

This is a late response because I let my membership lapse for a while, but I have the same issues with my own son. I like your plan of putting budgeting software on his computer. My kids did that in school, so we've had good talks about where my money goes.

Our latest conflict was with my son who, at 14, earned a good bit of cash umping a baseball tournament. Like his allowance, I expected him to put some in the bank and some in the collection basket. He had other plans that included an Xbox. I only have one tv in the house and the WII doesn't work, and did not want another electronic game that would promote inactivity. He argued that he worked a long, dusty day in 100 degree temps to earn it. He also researched where he could buy a used one and with an old gift card, he'd have just enough. I heard him out and thought he had a valid point. I then let him decide how much he should give to the church. He opted to put it all towards the game he had wanted for four years.

After he hooked it up, and found it didn't work, I mentioned that is the risk you take buying used electronics. We went back and he was given a replacement. I also noticed he put a generous amount into the collection basket the next day. I guess my point is, they need to be allowed some freedom to spend their money. In an age of instant gratification, it isn't easy to get them to save. But then, there are times when I buy something just for fun, too.

07/16/2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: This is a late response because I let my membership lapse for a while, but I have the same issues...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:

This is a late response because I let my membership lapse for a while, but I have the same issues with my own son. I like your plan of putting budgeting software on his computer. My kids did that in school, so we've had good talks about where my money goes.

Our latest conflict was with my son who, at 14, earned a good bit of cash umping a baseball tournament. Like his allowance, I expected him to put some in the bank and some in the collection basket. He had other plans that included an Xbox. I only have one tv in the house and the WII doesn't work, and did not want another electronic game that would promote inactivity. He argued that he worked a long, dusty day in 100 degree temps to earn it. He also researched where he could buy a used one and with an old gift card, he'd have just enough. I heard him out and thought he had a valid point. I then let him decide how much he should give to the church. He opted to put it all towards the game he had wanted for four years.

After he hooked it up, and found it didn't work, I mentioned that is the risk you take buying used electronics. We went back and he was given a replacement. I also noticed he put a generous amount into the collection basket the next day. I guess my point is, they need to be allowed some freedom to spend their money. In an age of instant gratification, it isn't easy to get them to save. But then, there are times when I buy something just for fun, too.

--hide--


Hi Kathy,

Thanks for sharing your experience. This was a learning experience for your son! As an update. I did installed the software in my son's computer and "PAINFULLY" went through the update of the budget. I say painfully because he just wanted to do something else. When we were over, he was concerned about our budget. He thought we had a lot more money left to use. I think he got the idea, but I am having a hard time yet to make him understand that we cannot afford a blackberry for him, that he'd better go for a cheaper model (as an example). I think this won't be easy, and not a one shot deal. I need time, and go slowly. I cannot force him to sit down and have the concentration to understand that he is not only inputting figures, but seeing the big picture, and later on, contribute on ways to save or to improve our spendings.

For now he has forgotten about the Ipad. After he spent $200 of the total price of that device in something he has already put ASIDE!! I wonder if I took the right decision to avoid this purchase... sigh!

Thanks!

Ivonne

07/16/2012 new

Ivonne,

Our kids are always going to want the latest and greatest. It has more to do with what their friends have than what they need. I find that if I say "No" long enough, or find something at a better price, they will understand that it is a waste of resources to buy the latest gadget. Oh, and my son would get so distraught over me always saying "No" that we had to come up with a code word that meant the same thing. Now I just say "Flamingo" and he knows it's not going to happen. :)


It won't hurt them to learn that as a single parent, we want them to have nice things, too, but it just isn't possible. It makes them get a little more creative to try to earn the money themselves.

Take care and may God bless you in all you do.

07/16/2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: Ivonne, Our kids are always going to want the latest and greatest. It has more to do with...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:

Ivonne,

Our kids are always going to want the latest and greatest. It has more to do with what their friends have than what they need. I find that if I say "No" long enough, or find something at a better price, they will understand that it is a waste of resources to buy the latest gadget. Oh, and my son would get so distraught over me always saying "No" that we had to come up with a code word that meant the same thing. Now I just say "Flamingo" and he knows it's not going to happen. :)


It won't hurt them to learn that as a single parent, we want them to have nice things, too, but it just isn't possible. It makes them get a little more creative to try to earn the money themselves.

Take care and may God bless you in all you do.

--hide--


Flamingo!! great... I hope you haven't trade marked it...cause I am going to use it!! :)

07/16/2012 new

(Quote) Ivonne-91361 said: Flamingo!! great... I hope you haven't trade marked it...cause I am going to use...
(Quote) Ivonne-91361 said:


Flamingo!! great... I hope you haven't trade marked it...cause I am going to use it!! :)

--hide--



Go for it. At first I thought he'd want me to say something like "walleye" but he didn't want to spoil something he loves! That's how we came up with flamingo. :)

07/18/2012 new

Even though it may not seem like it now, your son is going to thank you one day.

My parents didn't take the time to teach me about budgeting. I moved out with no savings, a $7.50/hr job, and no vehicle. I started working when I was 14 and my parents never batted an eye over the fact that I spent every penny I had on clothes (all of which were too small so that I would "fit in" with everyone else in high school), shoes, makeup--absolutely nothing that mattered when it was time to enter the "real world".

I did learn the importance of a budget very quickly, but my lack of preparation resulted in a lot of debt accumulation in only a year's time that will probably take me another 10 years or so to correct.

Have you thought about possibly having him work with a future example budget? This is something I hope to try with my kids when the time comes. For example, if he wants to move out before finishing college find the average hourly pay in your area for someone without a college degree and come up with a total for what he would make each payday, incorporate the cost of the average rent, utilities, car payment, insurance, utilities, etc so that he can see on paper what it really costs to start out in life--throw in those "surprise costs" such as car repairs, then have him figure out what "luxuries" he would be able to afford and which ones he may need to sacrifice.

07/18/2012 new

(Quote) Deborah-696127 said:

(Quote) Deborah-696127 said:

Even though it may not seem like it now, your son is going to thank you one day.

My parents didn't take the time to teach me about budgeting. I moved out with no savings, a $7.50/hr job, and no vehicle. I started working when I was 14 and my parents never batted an eye over the fact that I spent every penny I had on clothes (all of which were too small so that I would "fit in" with everyone else in high school), shoes, makeup--absolutely nothing that mattered when it was time to enter the "real world".

I did learn the importance of a budget very quickly, but my lack of preparation resulted in a lot of debt accumulation in only a year's time that will probably take me another 10 years or so to correct.

Have you thought about possibly having him work with a future example budget? This is something I hope to try with my kids when the time comes. For example, if he wants to move out before finishing college find the average hourly pay in your area for someone without a college degree and come up with a total for what he would make each payday, incorporate the cost of the average rent, utilities, car payment, insurance, utilities, etc so that he can see on paper what it really costs to start out in life--throw in those "surprise costs" such as car repairs, then have him figure out what "luxuries" he would be able to afford and which ones he may need to sacrifice.

--hide--


HI Deborah, interesting approach from a young member. (I thought staff members were not supposed to participate..hahaha...nahh...just kidding)... I am glad you mention that because the software that I have would allow him to project earnings and expenses so he can realize how much he needs to earn to make his dreams come true. At this point though, he finds it's boring to take the time to input actuals. He had enough with the budget..but, I am just giving him a break, sooner than later and slowly but surely I will continue with this task.

I know what you mean. Budgetting is not a regular course in high school, as it is not neither being a parent. The second one is hard to get, you will most probably learn by experience, but the first one is something we can absolutly learn.

Thanks for your message,


Good night,



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