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This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
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07/08/2012 new

Oh, another option a friend told me about....she opted to go to the wedding and not the reception. Her sister went to the wedding, stayed for an hour for dinner and a few of the early things (first dance, cake, etc) and then left. There's no requirement on how long you have to stay at a reception.

A woman whose in my mothers bereavement group decided a wedding was too much on her daughter's death anniversary and asked the couple if she could host the gift opening at her house the next morning with coffee and breakfast. She had her husband and son go to the reception hall and gather up the gifts and bring them back and the next morning the couple came and she had gotten a breakfast casserole you toss into the oven, some muffins and bagels, and she hosted the opening of their gifts. Everyone really appreciated that gesture.

Lots of ways to handle things...depends on what you feel--but honor your feelings.

Blessings,

Lorrie

07/08/2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: John-847566 said: My niece is getting married this fall and I’...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

John-847566 said:

My niece is getting married this fall and I’m very happy for her. This will be the first marriage on my side of the family since my late wife and I were married. However, the wedding is on the same day as the anniversary of my wife’s death. Based on previous anniversaries, I will probably be a gloomy person to be around. It’s a big day for the young couple and I don’t want to detract from it. I could use some suggestions for how to put on a cheerful face at the wedding.

I had the exact same scenario this year. My oldest son died on May 20, 1996 and his friends set their wedding date for May 19, which is the date of the accident and the driver of the car died on the 19th.

I opted not to go and sent a gift and card ahead of time. They did a balloon launch for my son and his friend and sent me a picture but I really have come to the place in my life where I refuse to perform on that day. How I feel, is how I feel. In this life we have so many things we HAVE to do...go to work, conduct business, pay bills, I just decided long ago I would always take that day off work and that I would not be coerced into doing things on that date. There are so many times in life I have to push myself and do things I don't want to do. I decided that May 19-20 are days I grieve and if people like it that's fine, if not, Oh well. I figure the beauty of online shopping is I can send a gift ahead of time and then later on I can invite the couple over for dinner and have more personal time anyway.

God bless you, losing someone is hard and it's doubly hard when the unwritten expectations that we are to be "over it by now" are just not accurate. You'll be in my prayers.

Lorrie

--hide--
Lorrie -- the reality of losing a "child" is nearly unbearable and has such a permanent impact. I believe you are "over it", but there's still the element of healthy grieving. Certainly no one should try to deprive you of that. You've earned that right in the most difficult way. If your loss prevents you from everyday activities constantly, that could indicate a need for professional help. But certainly reserving a day or two to allow yourself to be absorbed in your loss can be therapeutic. You are honoring your son's memory -- you should be allowed to do that. After all, you still are his mother, even without his physical presence.

07/08/2012 new
(Quote) Tom-159080 said: I attended a family wedding just yesterday and it was difficult at times. Toughest was the Groom dancing with his...
(Quote) Tom-159080 said:

I attended a family wedding just yesterday and it was difficult at times. Toughest was the Groom dancing with his Mom. My sons will not be able to dance with there Mother.

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I am sorry for your loss, Tom. Any gathering that involves family members and close friends is always difficult. I feel the loss of my husband more acutely at these gatherings.

I will pray for both of us. It is always hard to say the right thing, but I hope the good memories will give you comfort. Praying
07/08/2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Lorrie -- the reality of losing a "child" is nearly unbearable and has such a permanent i...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Lorrie -- the reality of losing a "child" is nearly unbearable and has such a permanent impact. I believe you are "over it", but there's still the element of healthy grieving. Certainly no one should try to deprive you of that. You've earned that right in the most difficult way. If your loss prevents you from everyday activities constantly, that could indicate a need for professional help. But certainly reserving a day or two to allow yourself to be absorbed in your loss can be therapeutic. You are honoring your son's memory -- you should be allowed to do that. After all, you still are his mother, even without his physical presence.

--hide--

Thanks so much Ray. No actually they were getting married in a "fighting cage" and having midgets holding up cards and all this other "goofy" stuff and had it been in a church (they aren't Catholic) I might have went just to get the comfort from God (even if I scooted home afterwards). I was feeling that the whole atmosphere probably wouldn't be condusive to anything positive...although I love them and wish them well. I spent several weeks trying to convince her that a small church wedding would be nicer and have better memories and even recommended a Methodist Church that I knew she could book for a really reasonable cost.

But on those two days, I really do let myself do whatever I want that isn't hurting me. If I feel like crying, I cry. Sometimes I feel like going out and playing trivia or shopping or reading. You're right, if it was interfering with life all the time that isn't good but most people who are close to me know those days I pretty much just keep to myself.

Thanks for your great comments and always,

Lorrie

07/08/2012 new

(Quote) John-847566 said: My niece is getting married this fall and I’m very happy for her. This will be the first mar...
(Quote) John-847566 said:

My niece is getting married this fall and I’m very happy for her. This will be the first marriage on my side of the family since my late wife and I were married. However, the wedding is on the same day as the anniversary of my wife’s death. Based on previous anniversaries, I will probably be a gloomy person to be around. It’s a big day for the young couple and I don’t want to detract from it. I could use some suggestions for how to put on a cheerful face at the wedding.

--hide--

Hi John - First of all - be gentle with yourself. I know on the anniversary of my husband passing is normally a difficult day. Do the best you can and attend what you can. You may want to share this with your Niece beforehand, the fact the day may be hard for you. This will help with her understanding whatever you end up doing or not doing. Take Care of Yourself!

Blessings,
Ginger

07/08/2012 new

John all I can say is that I am sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you every year on the anniversary. It is hard to lose someone that you love. I can only say that as time goes on it may become easier. As for your neices wedding does she know about your concerns. If not perhaps you might want to tell her before her big day. Try to focus on the good times on that day. Do what you can and if it is too much I am sure that your neice will understand. God Bless you and I am soooo sorry for your loss.

07/08/2012 new
(Quote) Ginger-791603 said: Hi John - First of all - be gentle with yourself. I know on the anniversary of my husband passing is norm...
(Quote) Ginger-791603 said:


Hi John - First of all - be gentle with yourself. I know on the anniversary of my husband passing is normally a difficult day. Do the best you can and attend what you can. You may want to share this with your Niece beforehand, the fact the day may be hard for you. This will help with her understanding whatever you end up doing or not doing. Take Care of Yourself!

Blessings,
Ginger

--hide--


I agree Ginger. Be kind & gentle with yourself. Some days are easier than others for me. I am sure your niece will understand if you chat with her ahead of time.... Praying
07/13/2012 new

My thanks to everyone for the kind words and prayers. You've given me some ideas that I can work with and I feel much better about the situation. For one thing, I'm going to put together a set of 3x5 cards with answers to anticipated questions. If I have a hard time talking, I can pull out the cards. I may even include some jokes on the cards suitable for the reception. Know any good wedding jokes?

07/13/2012 new
(Quote) John-847566 said: My thanks to everyone for the kind words and prayers. You've given me some ideas that I can work with and I...
(Quote) John-847566 said:

My thanks to everyone for the kind words and prayers. You've given me some ideas that I can work with and I feel much better about the situation. For one thing, I'm going to put together a set of 3x5 cards with answers to anticipated questions. If I have a hard time talking, I can pull out the cards. I may even include some jokes on the cards suitable for the reception. Know any good wedding jokes?

--hide--


www.sarasotawedding.com

There are several sites you can google for jokes if you don't care for any of those.....Will keep you in my prayers....
07/15/2012 new

What a week! To top everthing off, me oldest nephew announced his engagement last night!

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