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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for those who have lost a spouse and need support or who can provide support to those who have.

Saint Paula is the patron saint of widows and Saint Stephen is the patron saint of deacons
Learn More: Saint Stephen and Saint Paula

Jul 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Also, you will feel it at other times as well -- and for no particular reason. . . A cemetery visit...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Also, you will feel it at other times as well -- and for no particular reason. . . A cemetery visit can be comforting, as can taking a long car ride (as long as you focus on your driving).

--hide--

I've already experienced the "for no particular reason." Things I thought would bother me don't usually but out of the blue, I'll start crying with no apparent catalyst. (I am not a crier, normally.)

Unfortunately, I'm 1600 miles from home so I can't "visit" him but that's okay. His ashes are interred in a columbarium at our church and I visit often when I'm home and attending mass.

I have been given the day off from work, so I will honor his memory by exploring Colorado. He would have been all over this beautiful state by now. I will be smart though and pull off the road if the emotion gets to be too much.

Jul 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Leon-593843 said: welcome to the forums. There are several resources that can help you meet new friends. You posting...
(Quote) Leon-593843 said:

welcome to the forums. There are several resources that can help you meet new friends. You posting a thread is a start in the right direction. Post in other threads and people will get to know your presence. Emote and message those people you feel can be a positive influence in your life. There is much to be gained by your participation. You will only be limited by how you limit yourself.

--hide--

Thank you, Leon. Making new friends is definitely a step in the right direction for me. I don't know any other widows except my mother. All my friends are married. They are wonderful and sympathize but can't really understand. I wasn't expecting to be in this situation for at least another 20 years. It's a bit strange, trying to find my new path in life now that I'm no longer needed as a wife or as a full time mom. Prayer has helped me realize that God still has a plan for me and I just need to open my heart to hear what it is.

Jul 31st 2012 new
I lost my son in May 2011, I chose to be out of town for his first birthday afterwards because for me I knew that would be one of my most difficult days since we still had huge birthday bashes with food for him and his friends. I was thankful I planned ahead later. Each person is different but I have found that when I choose to share happy memories of my son who was only 22 when he passed I do much better with my continued healing of memories...

Offering prayers as you remember your loved one.... rose
Jul 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Cynthia-875784 said: I have been given the day off from work, so I will honor his memory by exploring Colorado. He w...
(Quote) Cynthia-875784 said:

I have been given the day off from work, so I will honor his memory by exploring Colorado. He would have been all over this beautiful state by now. I will be smart though and pull off the road if the emotion gets to be too much.

--hide--


Awesome! God bless you and your day, Cynthia. theheart



Jul 31st 2012 new

Cynthia,

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Like everybody else said, there is nothing you can do to avoid the pain and loss. Every anniversay is different, and hope and pray that things will get better.
At my husband's first anniversay I took my day off, had Mass for him. My nephew and family, and two of my husband's best friends came for the Mass. Then we visited the cemetary and said prayers. They took me out for breakfast and another one of my friends took me out for dinner. In between I spent some time in the perpetual adoration chapel, sat down and cried alone. Even now tears will roll down without any reason. There is no fix for that. Don't plan anything, take the day as it comes. We should count our blessings, many people don't have what we had in the past with our loved ones. I passed 3 anniversaries, and I took that day off and set up mass for my husband. I believe in the communion of saints. The Holy mass is the greatest thing we can offer for their souls.


One thing I suggest is, if anybody offers you to be with you that day don't deny it. I will keep your son also in my prayers.
God bless you.
Philomena

Jul 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Cynthia-875784 said: I have been given the day off from work, so I will honor his memory by exploring Color...
(Quote) Cynthia-875784 said:

I have been given the day off from work, so I will honor his memory by exploring Colorado. He would have been all over this beautiful state by now. I will be smart though and pull off the road if the emotion gets to be too much.

--hide--


Cynthia,

The reality of grief is that it goes where you go. I think it's a beautiful thing for you to drive around Colorado and see it the way your husband would have seen it. You may even feel his presence in the majesty of the mountains, the quiet of a stream or the flight of an eagle.

I went camping with friends on the first anniversary of my spouse's death. I was worried that it would appear disrespectful, but my friends convinced me it would be better to be around friends that understood and who would let me talk than to be cooped up alone. It was also something Bob would have wanted me to do. He loved camping. On a bike ride, I was thinking about him and really missing him, knowing he would have appreciated how beautiful the woods were. I was ready to cry because I thought he SHOULD have been there when I noticed my daughter riding ahead of me. She was only 11 at the time and I could tell how much she was enjoying the day, being in that beautiful place and I realized I didn't have to look for him, because he was there, in her, in her smile and in her appreciation. It was absolutely the best place for me to honor Bob's memory.

I'll pray for you Thursday. It may be that all these days leading up to then will cause you more pain and bring more tears than the actual day. But there is one thing I know for sure, you will carry him in your heart that day, and that is how we stay connected.

Aug 1st 2012 new


Dear Cynthia: I too am a widow. My husband passed four years ago and it still is not easy to get past the day without crying. I started my crying before July 13th, our anniversay and continued on until the day of his death, July29th. It's ok to cry. Somehow you just have to go with your feelings. My solution was to spend the whole day with my son, whom took me for a lovely ride and to lunch. The day of his death, I invited my children to attend Mass with me , go to the cemetary to be with him and then to eat breakfast together. We all shared in this day and to be with them was a wonderful feeling. We also took along ride together to the top of a mountain near our home which my husband loved to visit. Stay close to your family or friends on this day, you will feel better.


Best wishes and prayers, Carolyn

Aug 1st 2012 new

(Quote) Cynthia-875784 said: This Thursday is the first anniversary of my husband's death. I honestly thought I'd be...
(Quote) Cynthia-875784 said:

This Thursday is the first anniversary of my husband's death. I honestly thought I'd be okay with it but during mass this past weekend, it hit me and I've been a bit weepy ever since. I am away from home for a few months, staying with one of our sons. I work via the internet. I don't know if I should work or take the day off. If I should commemorate the day somehow or try to treat it as a normal day. I do plan on going to mass in the morning. I'll be away from our other sons and the rest of my family.

What did you do and would you do it differently if you could? For what it's worth, I hate crying and hate feeling sorry for myself, but I already feel that coming on. I'm open to any words of wisdom.

--hide--
If you need to cry by all means do so.Believe me crying helps.It's always difficult the first anniversary,birthdays etc. and going to special places.Plan the days before and try to be active or with others where possible.


Time and prayer helps along the way.


God bless. hug Praying

Aug 26th 2012 new

I'm sorry I'm late with this but I want to thank everyone who replied. The anniversary date wasn't nearly as bad as I'd feared. I spent the majority of it alone, which was what I wanted. After mass, I went for a long drive, 6 hours round trip, which is something we would have done together.

So, now I've weathered the major hurdles, holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, wedding of one of our sons and the birth of our first grandchild. I've found that none of them were as difficult as I thought they would be. The hardest times are the unexpected ones. The ones where, out of the blue for no conceivable reason, missing him is just overwhelming. Thankfully, those are getting fewer and further apart.

I will always miss him, but it's getting easier and I think I'm ready to move on. I'm not looking to replace him. As a matter of fact, my "ideal" is different from him in many ways. That doesn't mean I didn't love him and won't always love him. As a matter of fact, I think it honors him in a way.

Anyway, thank you to eveyone.

Aug 26th 2012 new

Cynthia,

I agree with what everyone else said.

Just wanted to add I am thinking of you and praying for you.

God bless,

Bernie

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