I'm sorry I'm late with this but I want to thank everyone who replied. The anniversary date wasn't nearly as bad as I'd feared. I spent the majority of it alone, which was what I wanted. After mass, I went for a long drive, 6 hours round trip, which is something we would have done together.
So, now I've weathered the major hurdles, holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, wedding of one of our sons and the birth of our first grandchild. I've found that none of them were as difficult as I thought they would be. The hardest times are the unexpected ones. The ones where, out of the blue for no conceivable reason, missing him is just overwhelming. Thankfully, those are getting fewer and further apart.
I will always miss him, but it's getting easier and I think I'm ready to move on. I'm not looking to replace him. As a matter of fact, my "ideal" is different from him in many ways. That doesn't mean I didn't love him and won't always love him. As a matter of fact, I think it honors him in a way.
Anyway, thank you to eveyone.
I am very happy to hear from you and to know that the day went better than you expected. God bless you.
This Thursday is the first anniversary of my husband's death. I honestly thought I'd be okay with it but during mass this past weekend, it hit me and I've been a bit weepy ever since. I am away from home for a few months, staying with one of our sons. I work via the internet. I don't know if I should work or take the day off. If I should commemorate the day somehow or try to treat it as a normal day. I do plan on going to mass in the morning. I'll be away from our other sons and the rest of my family.
What did you do and would you do it differently if you could? For what it's worth, I hate crying and hate feeling sorry for myself, but I already feel that coming on. I'm open to any words of wisdom.
So glad you have posted, Cynthia. The first year and all the important days of the first year are difficult...shocking. The first year I just did my best to put one foot in front of the other, mostly I was in a daze. This isn't supposed to happen to people our age. I am so sorry for your loss. I think you should do what you think is best and realize there are no right or wrong answers here. What works for you, Cynthia? If you find out what you thought would work didn't...that's OK, too and now you can go on to door number two.
At the end of the first year, I decided to make a plan each year that I could live with. The first year was...breath and keep moving. The second year was find joy in my life. I would look at the mountains, watch the birds, or just take time looking closely at flowers. The third year, I planned to recreate my environment. I joined a group at Church, became a board member at a local charity, and bought my first kayak. The fourth year, I tried to think of things I always wanted to do and hadn't. That took a lot of thinking since my life had been mostly dedicated to my family. The fifth year, this year, I planned to have fun and did things that made me smile including helping others that have lost someone they loved.
Keep posting and reaching out, Cynthia. You will find so many people who understand and would like to share God's love with you. I hope you are feeling better, Cynthia. God bless.
While I am not a widow, it was a year this month (September) since I lost my father. I was his caregiver for 2 years after his diagnosis with stage 4 Colon Cancer. During his cancer treatment, he was also diagnosed with dementia.
I took the day off from work and since a week later on September 13 would've been my mother's 78th birthday (she passed in 2005) I had a Mass said for both of them. During the Mass I bawled like a baby. Despite that, I went ahead and visited them at the cemetery where they are interred together afterward.
Later in the day, I had my brother and sister-in-law over for dinner and made Dad's favorite dish- spaghetti and meatballs.
Yes, I found the first year very hard, but made a decision that do something that my father wanted me to do for years- I went back to school.