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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Unexpected Puzzlement

Jul 31st 2012 new

I've been puzzling on something...

I'm going to list out some theoretical divorcees here.

1) someone who was trying to save the marriage when the ex-spouse had the mind made up, calling counselors when the divorce papers were served

2) the marriage happened because she was assaulted by the spouse-to-be, then when he got tired of her he left (other multiple scenarios here - parents pressured marriage, assault resulted in pregnancy, etcetera)

3) someone said they were christian and turned out to be atheist or agnostic and began blocking children's baptism

4) what if the woman went and either had abortions or the man purposely abused the pregnant woman in some fashion so that children died in utero?

Obviously, the "good reasons" for divorce that I can think of off the top of my head meant there probably weren't "good reasons" to get married. The annulment process examines whether there was a sacramental marriage or not. Generalizations are something we all tend to do, and it may be that divorced/annulled people also look harder at other divorced/annulled people thinking of the "at-fault" party in their divorce. "Once bitten, twice shy" as the saying goes. This creates issues for everyone. I've already been told by someone on CM that being divorced means I don't respect the sanctity of life. I have 4 children; 3 of them died. If anything, it made me more conscious of the sanctity of life. I fought with doctors to carry my daughter as close to term as I could despite the fact it was endangering my life to do so. However, that's not exactly the stuff you put up front in an introduction! (Yes, I realize that by posting this it means I'm putting it out there...but I do that in real life so I guess why not do it online?)

Anyway, has anyone else had this comment directed at them? I would blame the widespread use of contraceptives and a poor understanding of morals and ethics by the general population for the disrespect shown to the sanctity of life. I would blame mainly a lack of understanding of church teachings for the prevalence of divorce, not a lack of respect for the sanctity of life. I find the mixing of those issues a strange combination - or am I just missing the combination?

Jul 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Katherine-868943 said: The annulment process examines whether there was a sacramental marriage or not.
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said:

The annulment process examines whether there was a sacramental marriage or not.

--hide--

The annulment process evaluates whether the marriage was valid at its inception. When both spouses are baptized Christians, all valid marriages are sacramental and the two statements are equivalent. However, if either spouse is not a baptized Christian the marriage is never sacramental although it may be valid.

(Here 'baptized' means a Trinitarian baptism recognized by the Catholic Church.)

> being divorced means I don't respect the sanctity of life

There are ignorant people everywhere. It's best just to that the Lord for allowing them to show their true colors up-front, ignore them, and move on.

 

Jul 31st 2012 new

"Obviously, the "good reasons" for divorce that I can think of off the top of my head meant there probably weren't "good reasons" to get married."


I whole-heartedly agree. Often, we were "young and dumb", blind to the danger signs already present in a relationship before the attempted marriage. Yet we forged ahead anyway, pehaps thinking the grace of God would flow into the marriage if we just prayed hard enough. But the efforts of one person in a marriage are never enough, the grace of God does not act like pixie dust, and the Lord just don't like ugly.


I like what Lisa Duffy had to say - divorce shouldn't be harder to get, marriage should. If it takes a seminarian 8 years to become a priest, shouldn't getting married be approached with something more than a six-month waiting period and a few visits with the pastor?

Jul 31st 2012 new
Wow, six months and counseling? That's great. One visit to show a valid marriage license 48 hours before the wedding is all some denominations have.
Jul 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: "Obviously, the "good reasons" for divorce that I can think of off the top of ...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said:

"Obviously, the "good reasons" for divorce that I can think of off the top of my head meant there probably weren't "good reasons" to get married."


I whole-heartedly agree. Often, we were "young and dumb", blind to the danger signs already present in a relationship before the attempted marriage. Yet we forged ahead anyway, pehaps thinking the grace of God would flow into the marriage if we just prayed hard enough. But the efforts of one person in a marriage are never enough, the grace of God does not act like pixie dust, and the Lord just don't like ugly.


I like what Lisa Duffy had to say - divorce shouldn't be harder to get, marriage should. If it takes a seminarian 8 years to become a priest, shouldn't getting married be approached with something more than a six-month waiting period and a few visits with the pastor?

--hide--


I know a pastor in NY who requires one year. He has always felt that it was imperative for appropriate planning and marriage preparation. It was one of the first changes he implemented when he was made pastor. Good stuff!! heart

Aug 1st 2012 new

(Quote) Katherine-868943 said: I've been puzzling on something...I'm going to list out some theoretical divo...
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said:

I've been puzzling on something...

I'm going to list out some theoretical divorcees here.

1) someone who was trying to save the marriage when the ex-spouse had the mind made up, calling counselors when the divorce papers were served

2) the marriage happened because she was assaulted by the spouse-to-be, then when he got tired of her he left (other multiple scenarios here - parents pressured marriage, assault resulted in pregnancy, etcetera)

3) someone said they were christian and turned out to be atheist or agnostic and began blocking children's baptism

4) what if the woman went and either had abortions or the man purposely abused the pregnant woman in some fashion so that children died in utero?

Obviously, the "good reasons" for divorce that I can think of off the top of my head meant there probably weren't "good reasons" to get married. The annulment process examines whether there was a sacramental marriage or not. Generalizations are something we all tend to do, and it may be that divorced/annulled people also look harder at other divorced/annulled people thinking of the "at-fault" party in their divorce. "Once bitten, twice shy" as the saying goes. This creates issues for everyone. I've already been told by someone on CM that being divorced means I don't respect the sanctity of life. I have 4 children; 3 of them died. If anything, it made me more conscious of the sanctity of life. I fought with doctors to carry my daughter as close to term as I could despite the fact it was endangering my life to do so. However, that's not exactly the stuff you put up front in an introduction! (Yes, I realize that by posting this it means I'm putting it out there...but I do that in real life so I guess why not do it online?)

Anyway, has anyone else had this comment directed at them? I would blame the widespread use of contraceptives and a poor understanding of morals and ethics by the general population for the disrespect shown to the sanctity of life. I would blame mainly a lack of understanding of church teachings for the prevalence of divorce, not a lack of respect for the sanctity of life. I find the mixing of those issues a strange combination - or am I just missing the combination?

--hide--


I have never had the question posed, but I truly don't see what one issue has to do with the other. It seems slightly odd. I am sorry you had something like that aimed at you though. heart

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