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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

08/11/2012 new

I would say yes. It can't hurt to try. I once heard of a couple that were divorced for 11 years, and got back together. I am sure this is a very rare occurance, but it can't hurt try. One never knows.

08/11/2012 new

(Quote) Paul-850415 said: I overheard the following scenario at work last week, and would like to hear from the ladies on CM about ...
(Quote) Paul-850415 said: I overheard the following scenario at work last week, and would like to hear from the ladies on CM about this. Here's the hypothetical scenario: Assuming you were the one who filed for divorce, it's now been a few years since it was final. One day, you run into your ex, whom you've not seen in at least a year, perhaps two. You are shocked to find you are looking at the "extreme makeover" of your former spouse. You find he's changed in every way - spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially - a complete 180 degree "new man" from the one you divorced. This guy is "Magic Mike", a perfect gentleman, charming, gracious, financially secure, emotionally together, etc., the whole works all wrapped up into one, even has a relationship with God. Assuming you're both "unattached", are you interested?
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No .... well, not no, but h-e-*-* no Dove

08/12/2012 new
(Quote) MaryAlice-97161 said: No .... well, not no, but h-e-*-* no
(Quote) MaryAlice-97161 said:



No .... well, not no, but h-e-*-* no

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I would have to second that Mary Alice! A leopard doesn't change it's spots...

IMHO I believe people can modify their behavior to some degree, but as mature adults, we are who we are. Short of a miracle, it's unlikely enough change could really occur to make it work a second time around. At least here on CM, I think it's safe to say that divorce was chosen as the lesser of two evils. Leaving was necessary for very serious reasons that are unlikely to be fixed, even if it appears that change has occurred on the surface...OK, so call me a skeptic!
08/12/2012 new

Joan, you're a skeptic.

08/12/2012 new
(Quote) Lina-796057 said: Joan, you're a skeptic.
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:

Joan, you're a skeptic.

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Thanks Lina! laughing

Seriously though, I'm obviously speaking from my own experience. I believe in rare cases a reconciliation may happen if two people are both willing to look at themselves, own their part of the problem, make the necessary changes, and learn to love one another with God's help.
08/12/2012 new

(Quote) Paul-850415 said: I overheard the following scenario at work last week, and would like to hear from the ladies on CM about ...
(Quote) Paul-850415 said: I overheard the following scenario at work last week, and would like to hear from the ladies on CM about this. Here's the hypothetical scenario: Assuming you were the one who filed for divorce, it's now been a few years since it was final. One day, you run into your ex, whom you've not seen in at least a year, perhaps two. You are shocked to find you are looking at the "extreme makeover" of your former spouse. You find he's changed in every way - spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially - a complete 180 degree "new man" from the one you divorced. This guy is "Magic Mike", a perfect gentleman, charming, gracious, financially secure, emotionally together, etc., the whole works all wrapped up into one, even has a relationship with God. Assuming you're both "unattached", are you interested?
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My ex had previous ex, so the "marriage" was flawed from the beginning. So in MY case I would say no.

08/12/2012 new
(Quote) Paul-850415 said: I overheard the following scenario at work last week, and would like to hear from the ladies on CM about this. Her...
(Quote) Paul-850415 said: I overheard the following scenario at work last week, and would like to hear from the ladies on CM about this. Here's the hypothetical scenario: Assuming you were the one who filed for divorce, it's now been a few years since it was final. One day, you run into your ex, whom you've not seen in at least a year, perhaps two. You are shocked to find you are looking at the "extreme makeover" of your former spouse. You find he's changed in every way - spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially - a complete 180 degree "new man" from the one you divorced. This guy is "Magic Mike", a perfect gentleman, charming, gracious, financially secure, emotionally together, etc., the whole works all wrapped up into one, even has a relationship with God. Assuming you're both "unattached", are you interested?
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I would be cautious, but happy for his personal growth. Has he just followed through on positive aspects of himself that were always there or are the changes so alien that it indicates he is still looking for equilibrium. Divorce is a negative outcome with the opportunity for positive personal growth.
08/12/2012 new
(Quote) Joan-629290 said: I would have to second that Mary Alice! A leopard doesn't change it's spots... IM...
(Quote) Joan-629290 said:

I would have to second that Mary Alice! A leopard doesn't change it's spots...



IMHO I believe people can modify their behavior to some degree, but as mature adults, we are who we are. Short of a miracle, it's unlikely enough change could really occur to make it work a second time around. At least here on CM, I think it's safe to say that divorce was chosen as the lesser of two evils. Leaving was necessary for very serious reasons that are unlikely to be fixed, even if it appears that change has occurred on the surface...OK, so call me a skeptic!
--hide--


Three years is just too soon to know what aspects of change are going to last, but a better relationship with an Ex is stress reducing for family in general.. Caution, would be my word of choice.
08/12/2012 new
(Quote) Joyce-844872 said: Three years is just too soon to know what aspects of change are going to last, but a better relationship w...
(Quote) Joyce-844872 said:

Three years is just too soon to know what aspects of change are going to last, but a better relationship with an Ex is stress reducing for family in general.. Caution, would be my word of choice.
--hide--


Great words of wisdom, Joyce!. I agree with you.
08/15/2012 new

I can't answer entirely, because I wasn't the one who filed.

I will say I might fit some of the extreme makeover though, since the divorce I've lost 200 pounds, picked back up many of my sports from high school (well, except marching band and jousting), finished my conversion, landed a job in a great field, and basically become a much happier person. I look, act, and feel much more like the person I always expected to be. I even (and this is a big step for an Irish redhead who might be liable to hold grudges now and then) try to look on the fact that without what happened I would not have my wonderful son.

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