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Singles discussion related to wedding planning, engagement, and married life should be posted in this room.

Saint Valentine is patron saint of love, young people, and happy marriages.
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Sep 5th 2012 new

(Quote) Joanna-615441 said: I think there should be a joint account for combined household expenses, b...
(Quote) Joanna-615441 said:


I think there should be a joint account for combined household expenses, but both parties should have their own "mad money" where they are not accountable to either spouse (within reason). I also think they should have joint savings and retirement to build toward their future. As for what either party had before they married, that should be worked out prior to the nuptuals (heirlooms you want to leave to your children or family, etc). I guess it helps if both parties have similar values when it comes to money.

Just my opinion . . .

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I had a one banking account with my husband. We each had a checkbook. We worked out a budget, which included child support for his daughter, and we discussed any major purchases beforehand. We didn't have a lot of disposable income, but it worked for us. There was no "mine" or "yours." everything was "ours." I don't know if that will work the next time around, but it is one of those things that would have to be discussed. It's more complicated now with retirement plans, homes, college expenses, etc.

Sep 5th 2012 new

(Quote) Dawn-758914 said: It's why it's a poor choice financially for a childless person to marry someone with kids...
(Quote) Dawn-758914 said:

It's why it's a poor choice financially for a childless person to marry someone with kids. By kids I mean even into college and even past that now with the horrible economy.
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The "rule" is that there is none. Common sense should prevail. Yes, a second marriage, especially one that includes children, might result in varying degrees of financial sacrifice, but many couples are successful at handling the economic problems that arise. Economic stability is difficult to predict, even among those who are getting married for the first time with no children involved. Many uncertainties -- as you have pointed out.

Getting married a second time is certainly more complex in the area of finances, and needs to be examined and discussed thoroughly. Worst case scenarios should be considered. But if there is true love, and the couple is determined, they can usually find a way to muddle through hard times. They might have to settle for a Kia instead of a Mercedes, but make their relationship their priority, and avoid some of the material trappings.

There's nothing wrong about marrying someone with children -- it may come down to personal preference.

Sep 5th 2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: I had a one banking account with my husband. We each had a checkbook. We worked out a bud...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:



I had a one banking account with my husband. We each had a checkbook. We worked out a budget, which included child support for his daughter, and we discussed any major purchases beforehand. We didn't have a lot of disposable income, but it worked for us. There was no "mine" or "yours." everything was "ours." I don't know if that will work the next time around, but it is one of those things that would have to be discussed. It's more complicated now with retirement plans, homes, college expenses, etc.

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Kathy, the key word is "complicated". But successful second marriages are indeed possible, although they may require a little extra effort. There is much to consider, as you point out.

Sep 5th 2012 new

I am a widow I would like the church's opinion on this.


I always thought you should put the money together. I think both should have money they can spend without permisssion of the other ( an agreed amount that is) . Money like everything else should be worked out before marriage. I agree that it is best to have the same outlook on money: spending, saving, retirement, family,etc


Patricia









Sep 5th 2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: The "rule" is that there is none. Common sense should prevail. Yes, a second marriage, es...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

The "rule" is that there is none. Common sense should prevail. Yes, a second marriage, especially one that includes children, might result in varying degrees of financial sacrifice, but many couples are successful at handling the economic problems that arise. Economic stability is difficult to predict, even among those who are getting married for the first time with no children involved. Many uncertainties -- as you have pointed out.

Getting married a second time is certainly more complex in the area of finances, and needs to be examined and discussed thoroughly. Worst case scenarios should be considered. But if there is true love, and the couple is determined, they can usually find a way to muddle through hard times. They might have to settle for a Kia instead of a Mercedes, but make their relationship their priority, and avoid some of the material trappings.

There's nothing wrong about marrying someone with children -- it may come down to personal preference.

--hide--



I get what you are saying "Kia verses Mercedes". Since I have 2 vehicles (10 yr and 15 yrs old both pushing 200,000 miles) that is not an issue for me. However, being frugal in these areas allows for more saving thus the question. Furthermore, retirement accounts are particularly risky in a marriage as a prenup won't protect the children's share. From what I understand since ERISA [Employee Income Security Act], which governs retirement plan assets only kicks in when there is a spouse. Since a prenup is written prior to becoming a spouse it is invalid after marriage.


What are your thoughts on this? How do people handle?






Sep 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Marirose-887295 said: I get what you are saying "Kia verses Mercedes". Since I have 2 vehicles...
(Quote) Marirose-887295 said:




I get what you are saying "Kia verses Mercedes". Since I have 2 vehicles (10 yr and 15 yrs old both pushing 200,000 miles) that is not an issue for me. However, being frugal in these areas allows for more saving thus the question. Furthermore, retirement accounts are particularly risky in a marriage as a prenup won't protect the children's share. From what I understand since ERISA [Employee Income Security Act], which governs retirement plan assets only kicks in when there is a spouse. Since a prenup is written prior to becoming a spouse it is invalid after marriage.


What are your thoughts on this? How do people handle?






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Marirose, if I had the answers to your questions, I'd present them to you. I don't know the legalities of retirement fund distributions. The Church does NOT permit pre-nup agreements as such, although there are agreements that can be set up to protect assets that are intended to go to one's children from a previous marriage. Pre-nups have been discussed here before, along with the reasoning that the Church does not allow them.

To get reliable answers to your questions, I'd suggest contacting an attorney who specializes in this field. There are financial planners and advisors who might be able to give you the correct answers; however, their overall reliability may be less than a knowledgeable practicing attorney.

As far as cars are concerned, I wasn't knocking the Kia's -- just making a comparison. Your own cars apparently have had excellent care, and you've fought the urge to buy a newer car just for the sake of having something newer. As you mentioned, it has helped you to stash some money away -- something that is often difficult to do, considering the economic conditions we face today.

Sep 6th 2012 new

I just learned something I did not know the Catholic church did not believe in prenuptials. I have never heard it addressed before.


Sep 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Sharon-885911 said: I just learned something I did not know the Catholic church did not believe in prenuptials. I ha...
(Quote) Sharon-885911 said:

I just learned something I did not know the Catholic church did not believe in prenuptials. I have never heard it addressed before.


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It's not a secret, Sharon, but yet it's not something that's discussed often, either. With a prenuptial agreement, there's at least a hint that the marriage could end up in a divorce. Of course, this is contrary to the permanent nature of the sacrament of marriage. This, very simply, is the reason for not allowing them.

Sep 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Kathy, the key word is "complicated". But successful second marriages are indeed possible...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Kathy, the key word is "complicated". But successful second marriages are indeed possible, although they may require a little extra effort. There is much to consider, as you point out.

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Oh I dunno about the complicated part. I have it all figured out. What's mine is mine and what's his is mine. Simple enough... eh? fluffy wave

Sep 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Deborah-550454 said: Oh I dunno about the complicated part. I have it all figured out. What's mine is mi...
(Quote) Deborah-550454 said:



Oh I dunno about the complicated part. I have it all figured out. What's mine is mine and what's his is mine. Simple enough... eh?

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I think just like you! laughing laughing

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