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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Aug 18th 2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Right, Kathy -- You start with the obvious: basic needs such as food, need for sleep and so on. Als...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Right, Kathy -- You start with the obvious: basic needs such as food, need for sleep and so on. Also, the 7 year old has to be dealt with. Part of the turmoil (perhaps the largest part) is the lack of any basic discipline previously, and the feeling of being jostled around in foster care. Anger issues can be present at such a young age. The idea of rewarding positive behavior and punishment for improper behavior might reinforce his will to do good. Does he seem starved for affection? This might be difficult, given the number of children in the family.

One school of thought is if a child his age is acting up to just let him continue until he realizes it isn't doing him any good. Perhaps being removed from the scene of the crime can help until he calms down. He might be old enough to understand being told: "When you can behave, you can join the others." It's telling him he has the responsibility to shape up.

As you also pointed out, he needs some physical activity to burn off that excess energy.

There may be something troubling him (he's facing a lot of problems for his age), and perhaps a therpist's evaluation might be helpful. There's such a combination of factors that can influence his behavior, it's difficult to pinpoint. Determining what the problem is (or at least the major problem) is a key to solving it.

--hide--


I have tried the whole ignoring thing while he is screaming and having a fit in time out (keeping an eye on him for safety, but for the most part leaving him alone); however, at that point his parents hear him screaming and come up and take him away to talk to him, which I think might be counter-intuitive. If he knows that screaming will get him alone time with his parents then what's to stop him from doing it?


I just don't want to be the young nurse with no children who's trying to tell them what I'm trying to do to discipline their child. I guess it's a Catch-22. It makes sense to me though that eventually if he screams and kicks and throws things but nobody comes to his rescue, maybe he'll realize it's useless.

Aug 18th 2012 new

(Quote) Sarah-799098 said: I have tried the whole ignoring thing while he is screaming and having a fit in time...
(Quote) Sarah-799098 said:


I have tried the whole ignoring thing while he is screaming and having a fit in time out (keeping an eye on him for safety, but for the most part leaving him alone); however, at that point his parents hear him screaming and come up and take him away to talk to him, which I think might be counter-intuitive. If he knows that screaming will get him alone time with his parents then what's to stop him from doing it?


I just don't want to be the young nurse with no children who's trying to tell them what I'm trying to do to discipline their child. I guess it's a Catch-22. It makes sense to me though that eventually if he screams and kicks and throws things but nobody comes to his rescue, maybe he'll realize it's useless.

--hide--
He's learning by reinforcement -- only it's in a negative manner.

Yikes -- you have to find a way to deal with the parents, too. If there are no obvious problems (hunger, sleep-deprivation, sickness or pain) then the youngster will become tired of expending all that energy, only to see it go to waste. The parents need to understand how to love their child. The child needs to know that he is loved unconditonally, even during his tantrums, but that he'll have a better time if he lets go of his bad behavior.

You don't have to be a parent to know how to deal with children's problems or explain solutions to others. An analogy is that you don't have to be a murderer to understand the emotional dynamics.

Aug 18th 2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: You don't have to be a parent to know how to deal with children's problems or explain solut...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

You don't have to be a parent to know how to deal with children's problems or explain solutions to others. An analogy is that you don't have to be a murderer to understand the emotional dynamics.

--hide--



I learned a lot at the ripe old age of 16, as an Aunt, watching my Mom with her grandchildren. Use HUMOR, as she used to say when they cried (and no tears), "there's not a tear in the carload, that's all temper", and it worked. Try to make them laugh.

Also, those "white noise" tapes/CD's really WORK. The ones where the sounds are of the ocean, washing machine, etc. They really do calm them down, played with some "alone time".

Aug 18th 2012 new
(Quote) Sarah-799098 said: I have tried the whole ignoring thing while he is screaming and having a fit in time out (k...
(Quote) Sarah-799098 said:




I have tried the whole ignoring thing while he is screaming and having a fit in time out (keeping an eye on him for safety, but for the most part leaving him alone); however, at that point his parents hear him screaming and come up and take him away to talk to him, which I think might be counter-intuitive. If he knows that screaming will get him alone time with his parents then what's to stop him from doing it?




I just don't want to be the young nurse with no children who's trying to tell them what I'm trying to do to discipline their child. I guess it's a Catch-22. It makes sense to me though that eventually if he screams and kicks and throws things but nobody comes to his rescue, maybe he'll realize it's useless.

--hide--


My son was a strong willed child and when I had behavior problems with him I took him to St Joseph's counseling in OKC. When we first started using Monica it was mainly play therapy because Andrew was only four. Monica was newly married when i first met her. And she did not have children yet but the advice and therapy I received was the best I could have received at the time because she prayed for the Holy Spirit to help with her efforts.

Now that same young woman who was jut starting out as a therapist was chosen to be the director of the counseling center....hang in there and continue reading, asking questions and pray for God to help you in all that you do...God bless Brenda angel
Aug 18th 2012 new

(Quote) Sarah-799098 said: I have tried the whole ignoring thing while he is screaming and having a fit in time...
(Quote) Sarah-799098 said:


I have tried the whole ignoring thing while he is screaming and having a fit in time out (keeping an eye on him for safety, but for the most part leaving him alone); however, at that point his parents hear him screaming and come up and take him away to talk to him, which I think might be counter-intuitive. If he knows that screaming will get him alone time with his parents then what's to stop him from doing it?


I just don't want to be the young nurse with no children who's trying to tell them what I'm trying to do to discipline their child. I guess it's a Catch-22. It makes sense to me though that eventually if he screams and kicks and throws things but nobody comes to his rescue, maybe he'll realize it's useless.

--hide--
If all else fails, you can hang him by his thumbs for a couple of hours. At least he'll have a reason to scream. rolling eyes eyebrow mischievous

Aug 18th 2012 new
(Quote) Ray-566531 said: If all else fails, you can hang him by his thumbs for a couple of hours. At least he'll have a reason to scre...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

If all else fails, you can hang him by his thumbs for a couple of hours. At least he'll have a reason to scream.

--hide--


Haha! Perfect.

Although do thumbs work better than toes?? laughing

eyepopping eyebrow tongue
Aug 18th 2012 new

(Quote) Sarah-799098 said: Haha! Perfect. Although do thumbs work better than toes??
(Quote) Sarah-799098 said:

Haha! Perfect.

Although do thumbs work better than toes??

--hide--
Probably an either-or situation, but not both at the same time..... laughing

Aug 18th 2012 new
(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Probably an either-or situation, but not both at the same time.....
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Probably an either-or situation, but not both at the same time.....

--hide--


laughing I always preferred the Velcro wall method myself.... shhh wink laughing
Aug 18th 2012 new

(Quote) Sarah-799098 said: He does have social workers, however this issue is more just day to day persona...
(Quote) Sarah-799098 said:

He does have social workers, however this issue is more just day to day personality and attitude clashes with siblings. And the family is very, very good at bonding with their children; this little boy doesn't seem to have any trouble recognizing that he is part of the family -- he has been with them for a couple years, I think.


But I definitely like all the comments on being proactive, showing more attention, and honing in on his needs. I will definitely try that!

--hide--


Yes be proactive. rose lil mikie hug I am glad the parents are helping him bond. Is he set to be adopted yet? Do you know?
The issue of his being in Foster care is paramount as to why he is feeling so frustrated and chaotic. Make sure parents understand that their remaining calm and loving and straightforward during his tantrums will be essential. Developmentally he is right on target.

Aug 18th 2012 new
As far as I know, the process of adoption has been started. So we're praying for it to go through!
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