This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.
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Never give affection, hugs, etc. when the child is acting up only when they calm down. Until them talk firmly and calmly about what needs to stop and the proper behavior. Of course, distraction often works best with a 3 year old. Also having play dates with a child that is slightly older and has good social skills for him to learn from is helpful (as often as possible if even for an hour).
just wanted to say-I understand these kids are in foster care and there is no telling what they've been through. it's not the same as disciplining my own children. perhaps they don't know what love is or what it feels like or examples of it and maybe that's part of what they need. hugs, love and affection are healing.
I thought this was already history, but I'll add a couple of comments.
First of all, to all those who are following this thread, Marian and I are fine, and we each have a better understanding of what was said. My initial posts were serious, and if people read those, they would realize that I wasn't taking the child's situation lightly. Many people don't quite understand the dynamics of humor in dire situations. It is a form of stress relief, and can actually be helpful in finding solutions to problems.
To say I was insensitive to the child wasn't accurate, but if one were to read and isolate only the later comments, the wrong conclusion could be drawn. That would be an inaccurate assumption.
Perhaps it would help if people were aware that I served as a reserve police officer for 28 years, and had come upon many situations that aren't imaginable by most people. We have a choice of taking these experiences home with us, overthinking them, and burning out rapidly. Or....as is common, involve humor as one contribution toward stress relief. Law enforcement isn't the only profession that does this. Doctors, social workers, and many others face these problems daily. That was the point I was trying to make, and it seems to have been misunderstood.
I think if you will follow my post history, you'll find a great deal of empathy being shown for people in problematic situations, along with attempted help, both in the fora and privately. A considerable amount of time is devoted to this -- more than anyone knows.
I am not sure which day I posted that post. Too bad the posts no longer list a date. It was probably the next day. ....and I felt I wanted to state where I was coming from. But all is well and this is finished and you too have explained your good and important position Ray, Thank you. There is no problem and no residual issue either. Peace
Place the pointer over the string that shows the time since posting and the actual date and time of the post will pop up
THANK YOU! This is very good!
pick your battles carefully. don't sweat the small stuff. let him know ytou really like him and he'll relax. a routine also helps for children that age. transitions are always rough.
I wish picking my battles was easier! LOL I am also a rather stubborn person and am having to learn which issues are best to deal with. Like I said, he's normally a sweet little boy! It's just when he gets mad that the world seems to fall apart.
Try to see what pattern, if any, is happening when he gets mad ie: is he tired, not getting his own way, with one particular sibling, etc. and then work on that particular situation accordingly.
Here is what worked at our house .Make them hold hands no 7 year old wants to hold on to a 3yr.old hand.Keep an eye on them. Telling them they are not allowed to let go for an hour.It work for us hopefully it will work for you.The next they start trouble add more time .
man! that's a really good idea! too bad we can't do that with grown ups!