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Saint Valentine is patron saint of love, young people, and happy marriages.
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theheart

As Catholics: do we strive to find that seemingly "perfect" spouse, OR do we seek Christ's intervention to marry upon Father's will; to strive for perfection as partners for the kingdom of God?

After all perfect isn't perfection found in eternity with Christ?

How many of us tend to seek out a perfect spouse upon our terms rather than what the "will of our Father" seeks for us?

Why do we marry?

Especially after children are grown, and it is our second or third marriage; and we have already procreated children.............

then what does Christ call us to do in a marriage again?

finding the perfect or striving for perfection?rosary
In Christ we share

Aug 20th 2012 new

Again, you have conveyed a thought that I have been trying to spit out!! Most appreciated!! I have no idea what the answer is though!! laughing laughing laughing

I did post a few days ago, "Preparing for Rain." That is really all I can do. I've tried to grieve what is gone, so that I do not carry forward anger. I am trying to build a support system of people that love God first. People that love God first have the capacity to love others. I am trying always to be the person that God wants me to be. I am praying for discernment, and trying every day to make time for quiet so that I might here what His plans for me are, or the next direction to turn. With all that my schedule asks of me, there is always time and energy to serve God. I am in the process of submitting my annulment paperwork so there is no impediment for God's plan for me.

I am not the person I would like to be, but I am much healthier mentally, spiritually and emotionally than I have ever been. If I let go to what I cling to out of fear, my hands will be open to hold God's gifts for me. If I clean my ears and keep them free of gossip and nastiness, I will be able to hear when God whispers. If I keep my heart clean of anger and hate, I am able to be filled with God's love for me.

That's my purpose. That's my only plan. That God's will be done in my life. It's exciting to see those things unfold. heart

Aug 20th 2012 new
I prefer a spouse who is perfect for what I need in a spouse. I don't believe in the idea that God sends us people because if that was the case we'd all find the one right away and there wouldn't be all the issues we see in society.
Aug 20th 2012 new

(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said: Again, you have conveyed a thought that I have been trying to spit out!! Most appreciated!! I...
(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said:

Again, you have conveyed a thought that I have been trying to spit out!! Most appreciated!! I have no idea what the answer is though!!

I did post a few days ago, "Preparing for Rain." That is really all I can do. I've tried to grieve what is gone, so that I do not carry forward anger. I am trying to build a support system of people that love God first. People that love God first have the capacity to love others. I am trying always to be the person that God wants me to be. I am praying for discernment, and trying every day to make time for quiet so that I might here what His plans for me are, or the next direction to turn. With all that my schedule asks of me, there is always time and energy to serve God. I am in the process of submitting my annulment paperwork so there is no impediment for God's plan for me.

I am not the person I would like to be, but I am much healthier mentally, spiritually and emotionally than I have ever been. If I let go to what I cling to out of fear, my hands will be open to hold God's gifts for me. If I clean my ears and keep them free of gossip and nastiness, I will be able to hear when God whispers. If I keep my heart clean of anger and hate, I am able to be filled with God's love for me.

That's my purpose. That's my only plan. That God's will be done in my life. It's exciting to see those things unfold.

--hide--


So important to do what you do! In may early years; 20's and 30's I went with the flow; what everyone around me expected of me; since around my 40t year and single (alone with the Lord) I try my best to also remain open for the Lord to speak to me, as you described.

I listen to EWTN alot and I heard someone say that to live for Christ is to do as you said and to let Him provide all we need. It's difficult sometimes to do it when we've been conditioned otherwise. Who knows, if by living a poor life and not to marry again, we may be not only gaining eternal life for ourselves but possibly for one or more of our family members!

I just had another thought to send to you; but it will take a while to write it. Possibly you have experienced it, while being open to God.

Aug 20th 2012 new

(Quote) Dawn-758914 said: I prefer a spouse who is perfect for what I need in a spouse. I don't believe in the idea that God se...
(Quote) Dawn-758914 said: I prefer a spouse who is perfect for what I need in a spouse. I don't believe in the idea that God sends us people because if that was the case we'd all find the one right away and there wouldn't be all the issues we see in society.
--hide--


theheart That's true. Agree 100%................

I guess sometimes He might guide us, I meant to say.

rosary Good point

Aug 20th 2012 new

theheart

...and with that being said; we come together with a spouse that we decided is a fairly "perfect" match, and together we embrace the Lord for our eternal perfection. Is what may be a more clearer statement as to my thoughts.

...right now I feel strange, as I type this a fly is stuck to a fly strip in the corner of my kitchen and is buzzy very loud and I feel bad for it.....
and now after 5 mins or so of buzzing it stopped and started again; it hate to know something even small a creature as a fly is suffering.

rosary

Aug 20th 2012 new
(Quote) Sandra-471894 said: As Catholics: do we strive to find that seemingly "perfect" spouse, OR do we seek Christ...
(Quote) Sandra-471894 said:



As Catholics: do we strive to find that seemingly "perfect" spouse, OR do we seek Christ's intervention to marry upon Father's will; to strive for perfection as partners for the kingdom of God?

After all perfect isn't perfection found in eternity with Christ?

How many of us tend to seek out a perfect spouse upon our terms rather than what the "will of our Father" seeks for us?

Why do we marry?

Especially after children are grown, and it is our second or third marriage; and we have already procreated children.............

then what does Christ call us to do in a marriage again?

finding the perfect or striving for perfection?
In Christ we share

--hide--


Great question! You asked why we marry - especially after our children are grown and I gave that a lot of thought before getting active seeking a husband on Catholic Match. Of course in my case I am still raising 4 teenage foster sons so that definitely plays a role as they are badly in need of a positive male role model. If that had been the only reason, I doubt that I would have thrown my hat in the ring for another mate. After a divorce and annulment and then marriage for 23 years to a difficult man and then his death, what would possess me to do it all over again??. First and foremost, I want to keep learning how to love and be loved. I learned so much in my marriages, both how to do it right and how to do it wrong that I guess I want to perfect my technique for doing it right! I want to keep practicing until I get it as right as possible! To love in spite of the difficulties, to say "I'm sorry" to my mate no matter whose fault it is, to worry about somebody and have him worry about me, to finally have a partner that accompanies me to Mass (neither of my previous husbands were Catholic). I am far from perfect so how could I possibly ask for a perfect mate? With the Lord's help I want to help my husband become holy and will be begging Him to let me do the same with my help-mate coming alongside me! Praying hug Praying theheart lovestruck! Praying
Aug 21st 2012 new

(Quote) Beth-621047 said: Great question! You asked why we marry - especially after our children are grown and I gave that ...
(Quote) Beth-621047 said:

Great question! You asked why we marry - especially after our children are grown and I gave that a lot of thought before getting active seeking a husband on Catholic Match. Of course in my case I am still raising 4 teenage foster sons so that definitely plays a role as they are badly in need of a positive male role model. If that had been the only reason, I doubt that I would have thrown my hat in the ring for another mate. After a divorce and annulment and then marriage for 23 years to a difficult man and then his death, what would possess me to do it all over again??. First and foremost, I want to keep learning how to love and be loved. I learned so much in my marriages, both how to do it right and how to do it wrong that I guess I want to perfect my technique for doing it right! I want to keep practicing until I get it as right as possible! To love in spite of the difficulties, to say "I'm sorry" to my mate no matter whose fault it is, to worry about somebody and have him worry about me, to finally have a partner that accompanies me to Mass (neither of my previous husbands were Catholic). I am far from perfect so how could I possibly ask for a perfect mate? With the Lord's help I want to help my husband become holy and will be begging Him to let me do the same with my help-mate coming alongside me!
--hide--


I agree with you, Beth. I don't look for perfection because I am so imperfect. I look for the person I can't imagine not being able to spend the rest of my life with, flaws and all. A man my children can look up to would be nice, but they are growing fast. While Christ was always a guest in my first marriage, he wasn't front and center. During those times when we put him there, our marriage was at its best. And being a widow, I wouldn't survive without him.

I wondered about this the other day. I put my faith in God and pray to do his will every day. Shouldn't his love be enough? But what I crave and what I miss is the physical touch. So I realize I have a long ways to go in order to live by the spirit. Finding someone with the same core values that I can partner with and share my love of God with feels like an answer to that. I loved being a wife. I don't know how to let that go.

Aug 21st 2012 new
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: I agree with you, Beth. I don't look for perfection because I am so imperfect. I look for the perso...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:



I agree with you, Beth. I don't look for perfection because I am so imperfect. I look for the person I can't imagine not being able to spend the rest of my life with, flaws and all. A man my children can look up to would be nice, but they are growing fast. While Christ was always a guest in my first marriage, he wasn't front and center. During those times when we put him there, our marriage was at its best. And being a widow, I wouldn't survive without him.

I wondered about this the other day. I put my faith in God and pray to do his will every day. Shouldn't his love be enough? But what I crave and what I miss is the physical touch. So I realize I have a long ways to go in order to live by the spirit. Finding someone with the same core values that I can partner with and share my love of God with feels like an answer to that. I loved being a wife. I don't know how to let that go.

--hide--


You know, Kathy, I wrestled with the same feeling. If Jesus was my All in All then why was I still begging Him for a husband? And yes, I knew I was under the Lord's protection and guidance as I grieved my widowhood but I still continued to pray for that help--mate in the flesh. And you are so right that we long for that physical touch, a man to hug, kiss and snuggle up to. Being a wife was a role I just loved to play so I know just how you feel, Kathy. Don't let that go! Keep asking, seeking, knocking and believing that the Lord is even now preparing a man to fill that empty spot. hug theheart Praying
Aug 21st 2012 new

I find keeping my distance with even Catholic men who may enter into a conversation. With my first marriage being not Catholic.

Fear, I guess of all the bad stuff happening again. I know a Catholic man, devote in his faith would work with me on the marriage rather than challenge me all the time in a secular way.

I know I have to keep trying to trust more, and let Christ guide me.

You know, after being on my own for more than ten years with the Lord, it's difficult for me to allow a man back in.

I guess I am being selfish with the Lord and am trying to trust the dating path again.

I think we all share similar feelings and bring together a commonality that provides encouragement.

theheart
rosary

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