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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Aug 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Leon-593843 said: Nancy, you beat me to the punch. The only thing I wish to paint is the town. B...
(Quote) Leon-593843 said:




Nancy, you beat me to the punch. The only thing I wish to paint is the town.

Blessings,

Leon

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Thank you Leon. You are a true gentleman and your posts are always written kindly.

Aug 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said: I guess the point is that as I said you have to have them define what they mean by "friends...
(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said:

I guess the point is that as I said you have to have them define what they mean by "friends" for the kids sake. I think going blindly into a relationship with a divorced person is a mistake as I have seen way to many "friends" end up in affairs.

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Actually a close friend had a bigger problem with someone who was stitched to his mom. Sadly "mom" was vicious, biting, horrible with the voice of a tuba and smoked 2 packs a day--no matter where she was. This guy was always, "Yes mother. Let me get that for you mother" and I told my gal pal that I was all for a man being respectful to his mother but her hateful attitude to anyone who got involved with him was scary. Sometimes it can also be the children. When they decide your love interest is "out of there" it's pretty hard to keep the relationship on track.

Aug 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Leon-593843 said: Kathy,You echo my sentiments entirely. After 20 years, I am still not proud to say...
(Quote) Leon-593843 said:



Kathy,

You echo my sentiments entirely. After 20 years, I am still not proud to say I was divorced. From reading many accounts in different threads, it is obvious many women suffered and endured many painful moments in their marriage and post marriage. Those moments bring much pain and many times continued anger. I am sorry it happened to them but the fact is it happened. I have no doubt they deserved a better plight.

In my divorce, I was fortunate to not have endured what many of them experienced. I also refrained from doing certain things and remained silent on many issues for the sake of the children. I never allowed her to bait me into getting angry and saying things I would later regret. As time passed, she has become more docile. Neither or us has ever remarried. To this day, we both attend the same events involving our children and grandchildren. As recently as three months ago, she stated if she had considered doing things differently, we probably would still be married. We speak once or twice a month which she initiates but for me it is as a mother to our children and not a close friend. We both had issues on both sides of our family that wrecked havoc in our marriage but I will not go into those details.

I know that some of the younger women with minor children still have to interact with their former spouses due to the child or children. My advise for them is to continue praying that God will guide them through these difficult times. They should surround themselves with positive people that only focus on the good in life.

My children have turned out fine and people say they don't act like they came from divorced parents. For that, I thank God.

Kathy, for Cheryl and others who experienced such devastation in their married life, I hope they read and reread your wonderful post. I pray they can overcome the ill-will and anger about the past. If they don't, they will continue to be mired in the past. For me, I hope people draw conclusions on the here and now. For me, the past is the past. Today is a new beginning. I will always treat each day as such.

As always, just my opinion.

Kathy, great post.


Blessings,

Leon

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Leon...I wasn't referring to my marriage but to a dating relationship where the guy was sleeping with his ex....my thought was is there anything in the profile that would scare you off....sometimes I see that friends with the ex thing and it scares me off....however, it isn't ill-will or anger, it is common sense....learning to be more careful and not so trusting and naive. I think as I said in my previous post though that I shouldn't get scared off that I should wait and see what they mean....as a previous poster said...not judge the new person based on the past person.

Aug 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: Actually a close friend had a bigger problem with someone who was stitched to ...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

Actually a close friend had a bigger problem with someone who was stitched to his mom. Sadly "mom" was vicious, biting, horrible with the voice of a tuba and smoked 2 packs a day--no matter where she was. This guy was always, "Yes mother. Let me get that for you mother" and I told my gal pal that I was all for a man being respectful to his mother but her hateful attitude to anyone who got involved with him was scary. Sometimes it can also be the children. When they decide your love interest is "out of there" it's pretty hard to keep the relationship on track.

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Yea, I heard of parents breaking up marriages.......I guess again, we have to be careful prior to getting too involved. I just wish we could learn more about a person and what they mean by these things before we waste any more time...I guess I feel like I am too old to waste any more time.

Aug 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-730470 said: Cheryl first of all I would like to say that you can't paint all divorced people with the sam...
(Quote) Kathy-730470 said:

Cheryl first of all I would like to say that you can't paint all divorced people with the same brush just like you can't paint all single never married, annuled and widowed people with the same brush. One bad experience with someone divored does not mean every single divorced person is the same. I know of three men who are divorced. All three are divorced because their wives left them for another woman. All three men were devastated and tried and hoped that they could get back together with their spouses when their wives left them. They all have children. They didn't want their marriages to end. They are good people but their marriages did not work out. They didn't get divorces right away either because they hoped that they could work things out and their wives would come back but they didn't. So eventually they got divorced.

I am also divorced. I am trying to receive an annulment. My marriage did not work out. I don't want to go into the details but sometimes it is for the best and in my case it was. I believe in marriage and when I got married I intended to be married for life but it did not work out that way. My ex husband and I are not friends.

In the case of the three men I know who are divorced two of them got along with their ex wives. They do not want to cause further pain to their children and therefore do not say anything negative about their exs, speak respectfully to them, and try to share the time they spend with their children. They get along quite well considering they are divorced.

I think each divorce is different. I think it is unfair to think of all divorced people are the same. I also think that most people who get married think and believe they will be married for life. Unfortunately it take 2 to say I do and only one to end it. You cannot control anyone but yourself. Also from the 2 divorced men who are friends with their wives I believe as they have told me that they do not want to cause any further pain for their children.

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I must not have posted my thoughts well because my point is still not getting out there...the thing I'm asking is....is there anything on the person's post that would scare you off....I do get scared when I see that friends thing because this divorced person I dated (not talking about marriage) cheated with his ex when with me and told me they were just friends....so, I get scared when I see it...right or wrong...warning signals go off...I agree with you that we can't lump people together but isn't there anything that would scare you based on your past when you see it in a profile?

Aug 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said: Is there something you read in a divorced person's profile that may scare you off and not gi...
(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said:

Is there something you read in a divorced person's profile that may scare you off and not give them the chance or do you think you should always give them a chance?

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Above statement was supposed to be the topic of this thread.....the "friends" thing scares me for listed reasons....does it scare you....if not what does? I was trying to get some honesty here. Again, also not saying I wouldn't try or give the person a chance if I saw it....just saying I might get a little nervous about it.

Aug 23rd 2012 new

Every story is differnt. I guess it all comes down to trusting the individual and that takes a while to do.
I have to remind myself that they are trusting what I'm saying is the truth as well.

I know its good for the children that the relationship is cordial. I'm not sure about shared vacations...scratchchin

Aug 24th 2012 new

(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said: Yea, I heard of parents breaking up marriages.......I guess again, we have to be careful prior t...
(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said:

Yea, I heard of parents breaking up marriages.......I guess again, we have to be careful prior to getting too involved. I just wish we could learn more about a person and what they mean by these things before we waste any more time...I guess I feel like I am too old to waste any more time.

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I think that the phrase that makes me concerned is "I have a son (or daughter) who is #1 in my life" I certainly am not advocating that your children shouldn't be priority but if they are #1, then the person you marry will be ???? I sort of question if someone should consider dating/marriage if they feel that they need to have their children as #1...that's fine, then focus on them and date when they are grown. Asking a mate to understand they would be 2nd or 3rd place in your heart and life makes me unsure of them. I'm not judging them to be right or wrong, just saying that I guess that's one reason I seek out men whose children are grown and on their own as that lessens the contact with the ex and all that dynamic around the ex wife showing up. If you are attending life events; weddings, funerals, graduations, of course they will be there. That's totally understandable. But if your ex is your best friend, then maybe reconciliation is in order???

Lorrie

Aug 24th 2012 new

(Quote) Anthony-397426 said: Every story is differnt. I guess it all comes down to trusting the individual and that takes a ...
(Quote) Anthony-397426 said:

Every story is differnt. I guess it all comes down to trusting the individual and that takes a while to do.
I have to remind myself that they are trusting what I'm saying is the truth as well.

I know its good for the children that the relationship is cordial. I'm not sure about shared vacations...

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I agree, sharing a vacation with my ex would be a season in hell. I am not angry at my ex at all but either I can reconcile or I truly can't live with this perosn, which is it?

Aug 24th 2012 new

(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said: I think that the phrase that makes me concerned is "I have a son (or daug...
(Quote) Lorrie-735074 said:

I think that the phrase that makes me concerned is "I have a son (or daughter) who is #1 in my life" I certainly am not advocating that your children shouldn't be priority but if they are #1, then the person you marry will be ???? I sort of question if someone should consider dating/marriage if they feel that they need to have their children as #1...that's fine, then focus on them and date when they are grown. Asking a mate to understand they would be 2nd or 3rd place in your heart and life makes me unsure of them. I'm not judging them to be right or wrong, just saying that I guess that's one reason I seek out men whose children are grown and on their own as that lessens the contact with the ex and all that dynamic around the ex wife showing up. If you are attending life events; weddings, funerals, graduations, of course they will be there. That's totally understandable. But if your ex is your best friend, then maybe reconciliation is in order???

Lorrie

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Lorrie I agree with you. Very well said.

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